Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(50) Closer

Sophia

As a certified party girl there was no celebration quite like New Years. Don't really need a reason to get drunk in public but don't mind having a excuse for once. I haven't missed a New Years party since I was 14 and barley in high school. But I knew how to party, I was pretty good at it too. And I was able to convince Patrick to come out and celebrate with me and my brother since it was a once a year kind of party.

I slip into my silver party dress that I use only on special occasions. My brother said I can be sexy but not too sexy since a lot of his friends would be there but when did I ever listen to him? I just cut my hair short again so I curl it and it only takes about 10 minutes. Once my hair was sprayed into place I work on my makeup. After spending much too long getting ready I head to the bar. It doesn't take me too long to find Patrick hanging out with my brother in the corner away from everyone. Loved those two but man are they socially awkward. Neither of them much liked the public though Patrick was way more into this kind of scene than my brother. And you win two Stanley cups you deserve your right to party. But if you take the beer away he isn't really sure how to talk to people. And that's okay, I think he is perfect the way he is.

I tap him a few times as my brother smiles at me over his shoulder. He turns around and his lips immediately pull tight. I see each white tooth as he looks me over. For a second it almost felt like the first night we met all that time ago. I still remeber waiting for him to turn around. Little did I know that out of every guy in that bar, I walked up to the one person in this world who gets me. Who didn't take one look at me and make up his mind. And even all this time later I still get butterflies in my stomach the moment his eyes meet mine. I remember those few seconds where everything was new. A lot of times I still feel like that, he still makes my heart skip a beat. I hope that feeling never goes away.

"Hey there cutie" I start like I did that first day. He just laughs as he shakes his head.

"You look even more beautiful than I thought was possible" he claims making my cheeks get warm.

"A little too good" my brother chimes in as I roll my eyes.

"I'm leaving here with one of you tonight and you know it" I promise

"Me" Patrick calls out.

"Over my dead body" Henry scoffs.

"Come on. Let's dance" I say grabbing Patrick's hand. I pull him into me as he smiles down at me. We ignore my brothers disgusted faces as we run away to the dance floor. I throw my arms around Patrick's neck as we dance together. This was a safe place, only certain people were allowed in so this was about as private as we could get.

So I didn't care much who saw us. Who was going to talk. Most people knew we hang out almost every day and that our families had Christmas together. It's no secret that him and I were close. The secret was what we meant to each other. Such a good secret that neither of us knew either. I could tell he was confused too. Take one look in his eyes and you can see the confusion. The part of him that knows what he feels but can't quite figure out what it means. I feel it too. The conflict, the part of me that doesn't care how scared I am I just want to know what would happen if we let go. What will come of us.

"I hate when you look at me like that" he says during a quiet part of the song.

"Like what" I smirk.

"Uh huh. I see that mischievous smile of yours. You know exactly what I'm talking about" he accuses.

"I do" I confess. "But we never really figure out anything in the end. It's like this cycle where we think something is about to change but it doesn't."

"Is that a bad thing" he asks.

"No. I don't really want everything to change. You and I... well it's the greatest thing I know. There's nothing more important to me than my relationship with you. I don't want to risk not being able to call you at the end of the night and listen to your stories. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't hold you like this anymore. Maybe it's not as close as I want, but it's closer than I ever thought I could be with someone" I admit.

I feel his fingers dig into my back before the space between us gets smaller. His breath rests on my skin as my eyes struggle to find his. I could hear my heart beating harder than it's ever been, and it's all because of him.

"Wanna go somewhere quiet for a while" he whispers.

I nod my head not sure that if I opened my mouth anything would come out. He pulls me to the side and we order some drinks. The music dies out as we sit in a back corner together. We just talk for a while as it inches closer to midnight.

I realize I didn't think this through. Usually New Years kisses are fun and attachment free. But this isn't like the first time Patrick and I ended up in a bar. When I kissed him back then it was because I liked him. I'm afraid this time when I kiss him it's because I can't deny that I love him.

"Hey Soph" he starts as I turn to him. His big blue eyes stuck on me like if he looked away I would die. "I just wanted to say thank you for making this last year be a little more bearable. I mean those first few months were rough and I didn't really care if I made it to the last few at that point. I was low and everything was dark. But you raised me up and you shined your light on me. Without you I would have been lost" he claims.

I start to blush once again as I fight a smile away. "This is a two way street you know? You helped me a lot too. You showed me why I was here and helped me through some things that if I had to do alone I surely would have lost my mind. You helped me connect with my family again, you showed me my worth and now... now I can look in the mirror and not feel so empty. You helped fill me and for that I am thankful" I insist.

"We're turning out to be a lot better than anyone said it would end up" he claims and I laugh.

"Hey, life is full of surprises" I shrug.

The countdown starts and I look around. Couples stay cuddled up together as they raise their champagne glasses in their free hands. I turn to Patrick who had two glasses of his own. He gives one to me before pulling me in. I rest my head on his shoulder as I smile to myself.

The clock strikes zero and I look into his deep blue eyes. He quickly leans over to press his lips on mine and I find it hard to stand. I get lost in the feeling he gives me losing sight of the shore. I couldn't think of a better way to start a year, I just hope it means something.