Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(2) Test The Limits

Patrick

It's the end of March and it was finally starting to get a little bit warmer in the city. Which isn't saying much, cold is still cold, especially in Chicago. But I don't feel like I'm going to lose a finger when I step outside so I call that progress.

I check my phone for the third time in the past 10 minutes as I let out a long sigh. My head moves back and fourth starting to think that I was about ready to go find some shelter to warm up for a little until I hear a sweet voice.

"Hey there pretty boy" the voice rings out and I smile. I turn around and see Sophia standing there looking up at me. A white cap containing her curly brown hair trying to dance around with the strong winds we get here. Her bright brown eyes looking right through me.

"You made it" I smile.

"It's not every day a cute guy asks you out to coffee. Who am I to turn that down" she shrugs.

"Follow me, we'll get warmed up" I insist as I turn to my favorite little coffee shop. We walk in side by side and order some drinks before sitting down at a booth. I look across the table as she pours two sugars and two creamers into her coffee. Still the happiest little thing I've ever seen.

"So what made you want to ask me to come get a coffee with you" she wonders as she stirs her drink. We've talked maybe once or twice since the other night at the bar but never really had a conversation yet. So my invitation was probably pretty confusing. And to be honest, I'm not really sure what I wanted from this either. But I was more than willing to find out.

"I don't know. I feel like you are funny and cool, but it's hard to tell those kinds of things when you're drunk in the bar. I was curious to what you were like sober" I admit.

"You're not catching feelings, are you" she asks a little stand offish.

"No, not at all. I'm not capable of such a thing" I shake my head. "But you are the kind of people I like to be around. You're funny and loud and know how to have a good time. I guess I just wanted to know more about how you ended up here in the city" I shrug.

"You want a life story" she questions.

"I got the time" I admit.

She lets out a sigh as she takes her hat off. Her big hair falls all over the place as she moves the loose strands out of her face. "Lets see...

I was born on the last day in August in 1989 to two high school sweethearts who ended up in Denver, Colorado. My parents had my brother Jimmy a few years after me before they decided to part ways. My mom took off to god knows where and my brother and I lived with my dad who traveled all over the country all the time for work. We came with sometimes but you see enough of the world by the time you can drive and you don't feel much like following him around anymore. He remarried three times since our parents split and each marriage was worse than the last. I guess good relationships don't really run in the family.

I did a lot of things growing up but when I got older I wanted to play in the NFL, that was my "I'm going to be the president" unrealistic dream. I was a Bears fan even with being from Denver so I followed them closely. My mom liked them and that's one of the few things I remember about her. You read their history and it's hard not to love them too. Walter Payton, The Fridge, that whole 85 team was such a exciting story. I played football in high school but reality set in quickly that I wasn't going to be accepted as a player beyond that.

I had a lot of dreams growing up but always fell short. Wanted to be a competitive cheerleader but settled for sideline dancing. Wanted to touch the stars but settled for a flight attendant. Wanted to play football for the great Chicago Bears, but just moved into the city in which they play. It helps that I have really thick skin and a open mind. There isn't many times I will say no, but I ended up here with you so I must be doing something right" she smirks.

"Incredible" I shake my head. "Did you go to college" I wonder.

"Yeah. I did two years in Dallas, Texas and two years in Madison, Wisconsin. Got a degree in film and journalism but didn't really do anything with it. I like asking questions and going places people don't always like to go. Keeps things interesting" she says.

"I'll say" I nod.

"And what about you? Who is the great Patrick Kane" she wonders.

My shoulders fall as my eyes stare at the drink in front of me. I feel my body go heavy as a sigh escapes my lips. "I'm a little lost, I guess. I don't know what direction my life is going. I lost someone close to me, I lost on the biggest stage in the world, I lost so many personal battles publicly. So much is expected of me I figured that if I accept failure now it won't hurt as much when it happens. Now all my motivation to be more than I am is withering away and I'm not sure what to do.

I look for answers in all the wrong places. In people who will never really care about me and in places where there's more questions than anything. But while I was looking for some answers, I found you" I explain.

She just sits there stoic, like a perfect sculpture to be admired by the world. She stares at me before the sides of her lips pulls a little. "You know, we're not so different, you and I. There's always going to be so many questions in our lives we won't ever know the answers too. Sometimes the problem isn't that we are asking too many questions, just not the right ones. Instead asking who am I, ask who am I not? Or why am I this way? Sometimes it's the why that's the tricky part, not the what. I've been a lot of places and learned a lot of things, but something I know for sure is that no matter where I go I might never truly feel like I belong anywhere. This world is so big, maybe my purpose isn't just one thing like we are led to believe our whole lives.

When it comes to you, maybe try asking yourself different questions. Come up with different answers and it might just surprise you" she claims.

"You're a wise lady Sophia" I admit.

"I've seen some shit" she laughs dryly. "Life is so fragile. And we can walk around too afraid to upset the balance. Or we can have fun and test the limits. I prefer the second option" she smirks.

"So what's your plans now that you're in Chicago" I wonder.

"Staying away from the men here. No offense but you guys are crazy. I dated that guy from the bar for like a week and he was so clingy" she giggles.

"I don't blame him. You're kinda awesome" I compliment.

"That's big talk from a man with two rings that can buy and sell me" she shakes her head.

"I play a team game. While personally I do my best the credit for those rings goes to every guy out there" I insist.

"But ask yourself, would they have done what they did without you? Are you the why" she asks me.

I just smile as I look back up at her. "I guess so" I admit.

"See" she smiles.

"I really hope we can be friends" I admit.

"I think I could use a little stability in my life" she agrees.

"So friends" I ask.

"Friends" she smiles.