Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(42) Suck At This

Patrick

Coming back to Chicago has always been fun for me. I enjoyed traveling but when it comes to hockey cities Chicago is the best. The food, the shopping, the night life, the beach, the entertainment, it's second to none. Maybe Chicago isn't home but it's somewhere I feel I belong.

And the people in the city were my favorite. More specifically Sophia and her brother and my friends I've made here. Coming back is like being welcomed with open arms.

Except this time I came home and I go over to Sophia's place without letting her know. And usually she opens right up regardless of a heads up but it seemed like she wasn't home. I know she was, I saw her car downstairs. She walks around the city leaving her car here sometimes but it's too early this morning for her to be out and about and she doesn't leave the house unless she absolutely had to. So I keep pressing the buzzer hoping she will answer me. I know she's awake, I can see some lights on. But for some reason it felt like she's ignoring me, or maybe everyone.

I call Henry up to see if he knows what the deal is. He saw her last if what she sent me in these texts were correct yesterday. Maybe he knows.

"What's up PK" he answers.

"Hey Hank. Do you know where your sister is? Her car is at the apartment but she's not answering me" I admit.

The line falls silent for a second and I thought maybe I lost him too. "Hello" I ask.

"Sorry. I was just thinking" he insists.

"Is everything good" I wonder. I haven't talked to her since yesterday but whenever I get back I usually hang out with her the next day. No need to communicate that, we've been that way since we first started hanging out. I wasn't sure what to think.

"I'm not so sure" he claims. "I'll be over in like 20 minutes. Hang tight" he says.

"Alrighty" I sigh.

I sit outside her place until he shows up. He pulls me into a hug and I pray this woman isn't mad at me. I haven't done anything that would warrant her being angry but I seem to always find a way to mess things up.

"What's going on" I wonder cautiously.

"Our mom showed up the other day and she's been acting kind of wonky. Sometimes she's fine and other times I can't get anything out of her. If she's not answering you then I know she's taking it hard" he claims.

"Your mom" I gasp.

"Yeah. Our family can never seem to keep away from the drama" he mumbles.

"Then I fit right in" I joke.

He digs in his wallet before pulling out a key. The key unlocks the door at the bottom of the complex and he opens it up for me.

"Aren't you coming" I ask.

"I already tried to get through to her. It's your turn" he claims.

"My turn" I gasp. "I'm not good with stuff like this. My problem is my family won't leave me alone."

"You'll figure it out. You two always do" he claims.

I let myself inside even though I feel extremely under qualified for this. I walk up to her place and knock a few times. There was some shuffling behind the door before it opens slowly.

"Are you alone" she asks through the cracked door.

"Who would I have brought with me" he asks.

"My brother. That's how you got in isn't it" she asks.

"Yeah, but he decided I was the expert in making you feel better. Not sure where he got that idea for I'm usually the one making your life worse" I shrug.

She finally opens the door up and I find her in a pink silk pajama set showing off a bit much. I can see why she wouldn't want her brother to see her like this though, it's doing me no favors of focusing on the task at hand. Her hair was a messs on her head and it looked like she hadn't slept for days.

"You look like shit" I admit as she smiles.

"You're right, you do suck at this" she teases letting me know she wasn't too far gone.

Sophie moves to the side so I can come in. I contemplate for a little whether or not I should leave knowing I'm no emotional support friend. But maybe that's not the kind of friend she needs. Maybe she just wants someone to listen and I can do that.

We sit on her couch as she curls up in my lap. I run my fingers through her curly hair trying to find the words. But after all this time what's left to say?

"What are you feeling" I wonder.

"Confused. You know I used to practice what I would say to my mom when she came back for us. I sat in front of my mirror for days reciting what to say. I would tell her that I loved her even though she left and that I forgave her. I would tell her the adventures Henry and I went on then we could go on some of our own. I saved Mother's Day cards to give to her and I would write her letters for the holidays.

I wasted so much of my life waiting on her to show up and fix all my problems because that's what I thought mothers do. Now she's finally here and I want nothing to do with her. I feel bad because I don't think she left because of us. I know how much of a hard ass dad can be but I didn't want to believe a mother could ever abandon her kids. And I was wrong" she whispers.

I pull her into me as I rub her arm. Hers wrap around me with her face nuzzled into my chest. "I think part of you wanted to still need her so when she showed up you would have to feel like you missed her. But you know she's too late and you don't need her and that makes you upset. You want to want her but you don't anymore" I say.

"Yeah, I think you're right" she agrees.

"So what are you going to do then" I wonder.

She looks up at me with her sad eyes. It breaks my heart seeing her so upset but I would like to think this meeting was inevitable. She had to get closure at some point I just wish she wasn't so hard on herself.

"I'm not sure. Part of me wants to see her again but the other part knows that there isn't anything she could say to make things right. All I wanted from my life was to see her and I did and now I don't know what to do" she sighs.

"It might not seem like it but you did just fine without her. Sure you wanted her but she didn't make this strong intelligent woman sitting here today. This was all you and that should count for something" I try.

"I guess you're right" she says.

I kiss the top of her head as I pull her in. She looks up at me with a small smile and I knew she would be just fine. She was a strong woman, no thanks to her mom. She'll figure it out.