Shadows (Patrick Kane)

(23) Just Interesting

Patrick

There's many things I love about Buffalo. Playing here is always such a fun time for me and I appreciate all this city has given to me so that I can become the person I am today. If it wasn't for this town, the people, these places, I wouldn't be here. There's no number one over all pick, no cups, nothing. And no matter how big I get and no matter how far I'll go I will always have an appreciation for this place. This will always be home

And one of my favorite places here was the ice rink I grew up on. I spent hours out there doing drills, some are normal, some I was just trying to see if it made a difference or if I could even do it. But I liked being out there, it seemed so much bigger when I was a kid. But it's nice to know it'll always be there for me.

I decide to take Sophia out to the rink and teach her how to skate. She's never skated before and I wanted to get her out there. Maybe she'll hate it and that's okay. She was bound and determined to try and I wasn't going to stop her.

"How the fuck do you stand up in these" she asks as she sets her skates onto the ground in front of the bench right outside the rink.

"It's not easy at first but eventually it'll be as easy as walking" I admit.

"God I hope so" she laughs.

I help her to the ice before I step down. Once I was stable enough I turn to her and she smiles at me. She was excited but I can tell she was also a little unsure.

My hands reached out as she placed her small ones in mine. I hold her tight as she takes her first step down to the ice. At first her skate slips making her grip on me tighten. But I hold her up as she gets the other one down no problem. I start to skate backwards pulling her along with me. Her eyes stare at the ground trying to make sure it won't go anywhere. And I don't think it will.

"You're doing great" I assure her.

"I can't feel my legs" she insists.

"Maybe you should try moving them" I joke.

"Or... you can keep pulling me" she claims.

"You gotta do something" I try.

"I'm the cute one" she smirks.

"That you are. But I'm gonna need you to be the cute and athletic one" I beg.

"Maybe I just want to keep holding your hand" she smirks.

"Well that's not it" I scoff.

"I wouldn't be so sure" she tries.

I stand there for a second as I try to read her. She didn't seem drunk, I mean we drank last night but she sobered up before we went to bed. But it wasn't like her to say this stuff, especially in public.

"I can... I can hold your hand if I skate next to you too" I stutter.

"You're not gonna let me fall" she asks.

"Never" I promise.

So she lets me come next to her and I walk her through skating on her own. It wasn't hard but it wasn't exactly natural either. It requires a different set of muscles in your legs to move, to turn. And once you get the hang of it it was like riding a bike.

Eventually she matches my stride and she was a natural. Her love for the game gave her respect for the ice and it helped her pick it up quickly. Her hand stays in mine as we go round and round just wasting time together.

"Can I ask you something. And you don't have to answer" I start.

"That's a dangerous way to start a conversation" she warns.

"I know. But I'm curious" I admit.

"Alright. What awful thing do you want to know" she wonders.

"Do you ever think you will settle down? Get married. Have kids" I say.

She lets out a long sigh as she shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know. For a while I didn't want to be tied down to anything. A job, a place, defiantly not a person. Humans are flawed beyond compensation so I didn't ever think it would be worth it. I was made to believe that I was made to move on to the next best thing every chance I get. Never be comfortable enough to have a home or a reason to stay" she explains.

"And that's different now" I wonder.

"You kind of came in my life like a hurricane and messed everything up" she accuses I start to blush. "I never had a best friend growing up, or a good family life. And now I have you and your sisters and your parents and it makes me think. Hearing the way you dad talks about you, how much he loves you, how proud he is. It makes me think that maybe having kids isn't what I thought it was. I always felt like caring for a kid was a obstacle, a nuisance, I thought kids got in the way of the bigger picture. That's why dad stopped having kids after Henry.

But if I don't have kids I'll never know the love your parents have. I won't have a family like you have here. People that no matter what I can always come back to.

So in a way I changed my mind. I don't think finding the love of my life and starting a family would be the end of the world. In fact I don't think it'll be bad at all" she claims.

"You believe in all that? Soul mates and fate" I wonder.

"I believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason sucks. Sometimes I don't get it, why things are the way they are. But I know there's purpose to everything. I mean I've been all around the world and I ended up here, with you. That has to mean something, right" she asks.

"In a way it means everything. Because I've never shared this with anyone. Not a friend or a partner. And you coming to me when you did couldn't have been a accident. You were a lot of answers to a lot of my questions. And you changed the way I think too" I claim.

"So what about you? You want a family, kids" she questions. 

"I do. Eventually. I think hockey is fulfilling but there is so many things that it won't fill. I love Sharpys kids, I'm uncle Pat to them and they're a hoot to have around the rink. I want to bring my kids skating one day, show them that their old man still got it" I smile.

"And a girl" she asks.

"I don't want a bunch of baby mommas, I couldn't keep up. And for a while I thought spending so much time with one girl would get old. But I don't think that's true anymore" I admit.

"Interesting" she claims.

"Interesting how" I counter.

"Just... interesting" she says.