You know that feeling, when you've practically another voice in your head, which is your worst enemy. Which makes things worse than it actually is. Then there's also your past, which you can't leave behind, but actually should. There are also images of you in people's heads, which isn't the real you. Which is actually just that one personality of yours you use in public to let people believe you're a delighted person, a person with only positive thoughts and aura.
Oh, man. If only someone would see what's going on inside my head...
"Hey, (y/n)!" Ginny smiled as she caught up with me.
"Oh, hey."
"So, what are you doing today? You're coming to the party in the Gryffindor common room, right?" She asked excited, hoping I'd agree.
"Ginny, I don't really kn-"
"Oh, come on!" She whined.
"I'm not a party person, let alone a Gryffindor."
"And? Who cares?"
"I don't really want that." I refused to go.
"I hope you'll change your mind." She said and walked to the friends she was in the same year with.
I sighed and continued walking. I looked up out of habit and my eyes landed on Malfoy's. He was surrounded by his Slytherin friend group, which included some girls. He was looking at me and I looked down as quick as possible. I walked faster and past them.
I walked into my room and let myself fall on my bed. I was exhausted. I replayed everything that has happened to me today, only for my mind to put me down or point out my insecurities in some way.
I fell asleep, overthinking.
-timeskip to the next day-
I was in the classroom, sitting on a seat in the back of the class. I was in the corner, far away from people. I drew something on my parchement quietly and got away with it everytime without getting noticed. But I guess today was a little different.
"Miss (y/l/n)." I raised my head and the whole class looked at me.
Whenever someone talked, nobody was paying attention. Why are they all looking at me now? My palms began to sweat as all eyes were on me, staring into my soul.
"Y-yes professor?" I asked.
"Can you answer the question?" I looked at him anxiously. I heard my own heartbeat. It was so loud, I could've sworn the whole school must've heard it. My nails digged into my palm. I bit my inner cheek.
"I don't know professor." I mumbled, looking down.
"Ten points from (y/h) for not paying attention."
The class went on until "Class dismissed." The professor said and everyone rushed out.
I was still packing my stuff as even the professor left. I walked out, hearing footsteps behind and soon beside me.
"(y/l/n)."
I looked up and saw Malfoy. He was walking next to me, but facing the front.
"Malfoy." I replied and looked to the front as well. "You want something?" I asked, curious 'bout why he would want to talk with me since we'd never really talked.
"I can see it in your eyes." He said quietly.
,,What?"
"I can see that you're not doing well."
I stopped and so did he. I turned to face him.
"I-" I shook my head and look down. I looked back up at him, straight in the eyes. ,,Really funny." I said.
"What exactly?" He asked seriously. "Look, I've never really talked to you, but I see in your eyes, that you've got a whole lot of baggage to carry on your back, (y/n)." He said calmly.
I looked at him, dumbfounded.
"Well-" he straightened his posture. "I actually don't do such thing, but-" he looked at me. "When you- uh- need to talk about it, I'm there for you." He said a little nervous.
"I think you misunderstood something, I'm doing well."
I can't- I just can't let myself fall into this. What if it's a trap? I can't trust anyone, who offers their help. What if he's gonna make fun of me?
"I don't think so."
"Well, then you're thinking wrong. Thanks for the offer though." I said and continued to walk.
-the next day-
I walked to the courtyard all by myself. I sat down on a bench and just thought of unnecessary stuff.
The voice inside of me wasn't really quiet, so also a part of my thoughts, lowering my self esteem whatsoever. My mind kept on replaying the physical abuse of my past.
Someone sat next to me and everything quit within a second. It was like a cut, everything just faded out.
"You good?" I heard the same low and soft voice.
"I'm good, Malfoy."
"Didn't seem like it." He said and I turned to him.
"Thank you for being concerned, but I'm totally fine." I lied. The battle in my head said otherwise.
"You know if you-"
"I don't need anything." I repeated myself.
I didn't want to admit it. I had to keep struggling on my own and that without pulling anyone into my problems.
He looked down, not really knowing what to say.
-timeskip to the next night-
I sat at the edge of the Astronomy Tower.
The moon was the only thing, which quit everything. I felt safe and calm.
I began to cry. I cried cause I couldn't and didn't want to take all this anymore. Cause everything built up inside of me, since I haven't told anybody about anything.
Such a disgusting feeling. Having everything inside of me and only getting it out when I'm crying.
My face scrunched up and I pulled my legs to my chest, hugging them tightly. I let my head fall on my knees exhausted. I told myself how stupid I was, over and over again.
"(y/n)?" I heard and looked up. My back was facing him. I adjusted my posture and wiped my tears away.
"Yeah?" I asked, not looking at him.
Soon, I felt Draco sit next to me.
Silence.
He cupped one of my cheeks, making me look at him with a red nose.
"I know you told me you don't need-"
I hugged him tightly and he shut up. I hugged him as tight as I could. I needed it. I've never had someone, who cared about me. Never had someone, who's been concerned about me, let alone noticed I wasn't doing well, even though I've always told him I was.
Once again, I let it out, I cried. He calmed me by hugging me back and stroking my hair.
"Everything's gonna be okay. I'm here. You're not alone." He whispered in my ear as I sobbed against his shoulder.
"Thank you, Draco." I whispered and he kissed my hair. I pulled away and he cupped my cheek.
"You know, I've loved you for a while now." He said, catching me off guard. I smiled and hugged him again, kissing his cheek. "Everytime you feel down or need a hug, just come to me. I'll always be there for you, no matter what." He said.
I felt something, that I couldn't describe. I guess it was love.
《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《《
Let me know if there should be a trigger warning. I feel like I'm supposed to put a warning at the beginning, but I'm not sure
Not really sure if this chapter is good
Anyways, hope you liked it!
<3
