Spiderkid oneshots

Tower full of broken people.

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TW: suicidal thoughts, depression

Everybody smiled and everybody joked around, everybody went on missions and everybody attended press conferences, but everybody knew that they weren't okey. Everybody knew that everyone in the tower had nightmares. Everybody knew that everyone in the tower never was truly happy. Everybody knew that what they went through didn't just go away. But nobody talked about it.

But one boy always was happy, always rambled, always lifted the mood. Everybody thought that he was the one, who was truly happy. Everybody was wrong.

One evening the avengers that lived in the tower were sitting in the living room and discussing their previous mission. Their heads turned to the boy when he walked into the room. Usually, Peter would take a seat, but today he stood in the center of the room and took a deep breath.

"Guys, I need to tell you something," the boy who was always smiling wasn't smiling right now, in fact, there seemed to be tears in his eyes. "Since everything happened, I can't sleep. You're probably going to think that I'm a baby and that I should deal with this myself, but I can't. Every night when I try to sleep, I see Tony's death, I see my parents die, I see aunt May and Uncle Ben die. And I think that maybe if I fought harder, tried harder I would have stopped them from dying.  And every night it hurts, it hurts so much. I can't eat, because I feel like I don't deserve to, I can't do anything, because every time I enjoy something I feel guilty, because they can't. And sometimes I wonder if it would hurt less if I wasn't here? Would it finally be fair? I need help."

There were two thoughts on all of their minds.

First: A boy who they thought was always happy, was faking it just like everybody else.

Second: Unlike everybody else, he was brave enough to tell somebody that he needs help.

"Neither can I," Started Clint, "Every time I see Nat die again and again, and every time I wish I could have saved her. It should have been me. I should have died. I became a killer. I was supposed to be dead."

"Nor can I, every time I think, that if I would have looked harder, tried harder, I would find a way for them to live. That I could find another way. " Told Stephan.

"I just think all the time that maybe if I would have been a better friend Steve would have stayed, but I'm not good enough, I'm a killer. And then I have nightmares and panic attacks from my past. I probably don't deserve to live anyway." Bucky added.

"I can't live with the fact that Tony had to die, he deserved to live, I could have been in his place. I should have been in his place. He could have done so much more if he only had time." The last one to add in was James.

Everybody stared at each other in shock. Everybody was fooled by each other, but now the truth was out. They all were broken. None of them could sleep, they barely ate, every time they enjoyed anything they felt guilty, guilty because someone else couldn't. They tried to ignore it, but their past was too big, to be forgotten. The past had broken them.

That evening there was no more talking. All of them just went to their rooms, but after the evening things changed.

After that evening they tried to be more open, talk about how they're feeling, and tell others how they could help. After that evening they offered each other help and looked for clues of others being down, asked them if they were really okey today and tried not to fall for the lies. After that evening they made sure that they would have a meal together, that everybody attended so that they could make sure everybody ate. After that evening they asked Friday to tell one of them if somebody was harming themselves.

After that evening things slowly got better, not all the days were good, but slowly the good days grew in numbers. And slowly they grew to accept the past and move on.  Slowly they put each other back together.