Spiderkid oneshots

Holding on

TW: Panic attack, mentions of abuse

Peter's pov

I could almost feel the building collapsing on me. I could feel the weight of it crushing me down. I felt the words from Aunt May's mouth: 'why can't you just be normal', 'you are a disgrace', 'why can't I kill you', 'you're disgusting', and so on and so forth. The words I have heard hundreds of times, stabbing me again and again, the fire swallowing me.

I yanked my upper body up. 'Be quiet!' was the first thought in my mind. I didn't want to wake up Liz. But I couldn't be quiet, because as soon as I thought of Liz another wave of panic hit me. 'You really thought I loved you? The only thing I wanted was your dad's money. Everything else was disgusting. You're broken. You really thought someone would love you? That someone would waste their time on someone as damaged as you? You're way too much of a burden.' I heard her punch me with every word.

All of it was too much, I felt myself start to hyperventilate. I was too broken, too numb, too ugly, too disgusting, too damaged, too naïve, too weird, too much of a disgrace, too much of a disappointment, I was too much for anybody to want me, for anybody to even take a second look at me.

'The dreaming was better' I remembered myself thinking before I went into another wave of panic, now I remembered every time May hit me, every time she threw glass and bottles and anything else that was in her reach at me, every time she wouldn't let me sleep nor eat for days. I remembered every time she hurt me and how even though most of the scars were gone it never stopped hurting.

I remembered Liz and every time she told me I was loved, every time she said that being different was why she loved me, how she told me, she would love me forever, she made me feel wanted, she made me feel like I wasn't too damaged nor too unhuman for love. I remembered that it all was a lie.

I felt my breath running short, tears streaming down my face and no matter how hard I tried to be quiet, silent, choked sobs escaped my mouth while I was curled up on the ground trying to find something to hold on to so I wouldn't slip away. I wasn't however expecting that somebody would hold on to me and save me from letting go.

Tony's pov

"It appears Peter is having a panic attack," Fryday said, and there seemed to be a worry in her monotonic voice.

I was in one of the labs tinkering, while half asleep, but as soon as I heard her all signs of sleep were gone. I rushed into the elevator, pacing and shifting nervously while I had to wait for it to come and bring me up. As soon as the door opened I ran to his room.

I didn't see him, but what I saw broke my heart, a ball of sheets shivering and quiet sobs that were loud in the huge, silent room. At first, I didn't move, I was just standing in shock, but then my mind tossed me a memory of my panic attacks and I was on his bed in a matter of seconds.

"Hey, Hey, Pete, It's me." I took off the sheets. The little boy looked even smaller. His whole body was shivering and he looked like he could barely breathe. I gently placed my arms around him.

"It's gonna be alright, I just need you to breath with me, okay?" He didn't respond, but I was convinced, that he had heard me. I evened my breath and watched him slowly imitate it. It took a while, but as soon as he was able to take a breath he started panicking again.

"I'm sorry, 'm so sorry, 'm sorry, 'm sorry" His breathing picked up its pace again.

"It's fine, I'm here, she's never going to hurt you again, I'm here, just breath," I repeated these phrases over and over. I didn't move an inch for hours, just repeated the words that slowly calmed him down.

I sat there until I felt he had fallen asleep. I laid him down and laid next to him holding on to my son.