College Hottie Series #6 : Si Bagyo At Si Simang

Chapter 15 : Lost

"PARA KAMING MESA na nawalan ng isang paa," I continued, keeping my emotions at bay. Pero alam kong obvious ang lungkot sa boses ko. Hindi ko iyon kayang itago kahit na gaano pa ako magtakip sa sarili ko. "Hindi na namin kayang tumayo nang kami lang. Nawalan kami ng ilaw. Biglang naging madilim ang lahat para sa amin. We were all left in the dark."

At my peripheral view, I saw Annie's reaction. She was biting her lower lip as if wincing with discomfort and little pain.

"After that, nagkanya-kanya na kaming tatlo. All lost and didn't know where to start without Mom. Minding our own grief by ourselves. Isinubsob ni Dad ang sarili niya sa trabaho. Halos sa opisina na siya natutulog gayong hindi naman niya gawain 'yun dati n'ung nabubuhay pa si Mom. My Kuya kept on searching for someone to love—jumping from one girl to another. Parang naghahanap ng tulad ni Mom pero walang makita... Eh, hindi naman chickboy 'yun pero nagpalit-palit ng girlfriends."

And then I stopped talking and thought for a moment.

"Eh, ikaw?" lakas-loob na tanong ni Annie na bahagya lang akong sinulyapan na parang nahihiyang salubungin ang tingin ko.

Nag-isip akong muli. How did I cope with my grief? O tapos na nga ba talaga ang pangungulila at pagluluksa ko? Bahagya akong napailing sa tanong kong iyon. Hindi siguro matatapos ang pagluluksa mo sa pagkawala ng isang taong mahal na mahal mo at sobrang importante sa iyo.

It will be a never-ending grieving for a lost loved one. At least for me. Hanggang sa nasanay na lang akong nasasaktan at nangungulila kapag naaalala ko si Mom, which for me was everyday.

Dahil mahirap mawalan ng isang mahal sa buhay lalo pa ng isang ina.

"I stopped playing football for a while. Kasi wala na ang number one fan ko, eh. 'Yung number one cheerer ko, hindi ko na kahit kailan makikita pa sa stadium crowd..." Nag-init muli ang magkabilang-sulok ng mga mata ko. I inhaled a sharp breath and let the air out from my mouth with a little force. "Parang lang akong naging robot. Walang buhay pero nage-exist."

"H-how did you find  yourself going back to the football field again?" Annie asked in a soft voice.

"I had this dream," I answered. "I knew it was only a dream pero parang totoong-totoo siya like I felt it really happened at naroroon talaga si Mom. My school had this crucial and do-or-die championship game qualifier. Pero wala akong balak magpunta. So I just slept, ignoring all the pleas coming from my coach and teammates that I come and play. And then suddenly I saw my Mom, beautiful as ever, smiling at me. Inaayos niya ang duffel bag ko at hawak ang bola ng football. Then she kissed me and told me to stand up and hurry up because I have a crucial game to win..."

"God..." mahinang bulalas ni Annie na napahawak pa sa dibdib niya.

"So, I lead my team to win that crucial game and even won the championship game for the school after." Sinundan ko iyon ng isang malungkot na ngiti. "I didn't want to disappoint my mom."

"Your mom must be proud of you."

I smiled smugly, amidst the sadness in my eyes. "I know. Lagi naman, eh. Especially when I told her that she can go and rest na. It was the hardest thing to do but I did manage."

When I glanced at Annie, sinalubong niya nang may pagtatanong sa mga mata ang tingin ko.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at tumingin sa kalangitan na para bang doon ko malinaw na makikita ang huling eksena namin ni Mommy.

"Unang araw pa lang ni Mom sa hospital..." I said, almost a whisper. "Tinapat na kami ng doctor na hindi na makaka-recover si Mom from that bed and if miraculously, she will, magiging gulay na siya. Mabilis ang pag-deteriorate niya. My dad asked us to let go of mom. And I defiantly said no." Napahilamos ako sa mukha at tumingin kay Annie. "I wanted her to stay with us." I winced with the pain. It was as if someone was torturing me. "She must stay with us, right? Kailangan pa namin ng nanay ni Kuya." May paghihimagsik sa tono ko. "Kailangan pa namin siya—lalo na ako." Itinuro ko ang sarili. "Hindi pa kami handa—lalo na ako," mariin kong sabi.