Behind the Clouds

11/3/14

Eric went home after an hour of us just trying to ignore our problems in my pool, and when he left I showered and just carried on with my day. Yes, I was moping around, but maybe I just needed one day just to feel so incredibly crappy. I didn’t cry the rest of my day, but I sure didn’t feel so cheerful either. He didn’t call, text, or spontaneously show up like he has before. He allowed me to spend the rest of my day feeling a little empty.

When Monday finally came when I woke up this morning, I tried to at least feel a little bit hopeful that he didn’t act like before. I looked down at the necklace he gave me and stroked the silver charm. I decided that maybe it could be my good luck charm for now. Maybe all I needed was some luck. Mom had left early, so when the time came I took my sweet time getting ready to leave. I parked in my normal parking spot and saw his car parked a few spots away.

At least he hasn’t disappeared. Just pretend like everything’s ok for now.

            I subtly tried to find him and looked all around the front lawn of the school for him until eventually I saw him sitting under my—our tree. He wasn’t doing much. Just looking out at the street and the beach in the distance. But he had the same exact expression as Saturday night. It was distracted and distant like he was trying to figure something out. I walked over to him and tried to find that happiness I had days before, so I seemed oblivious to anything wrong.

            “Hey,” I said casually. Then I tried to seat myself next to him on the ground.

            “Hey,” he said. He didn’t look at me. Just kept staring off into the distant like I wasn’t even really there. I tried hard to not feel offended but that was tough when all I wanted to do was scream for answers.

            Deep breaths. Be patient.

            “So...um what did you do yesterday? I...I missed you,” I said sincerely.

            “Nothing much. Just dealing with some stuff.” Still no eye contact.

            “Like what?”

            “Nothing. It’s fine.” His voice became edgier and gruff. I could tell he was tensing up about it. Whatever it was.

            “Ok.” I was saved from any other responses when the bell rang. “C’mon. We should go,” I said getting up from the floor. For a second, he didn’t say anything. Then he finally turned his head to look at me with his voice soft and ever so slightly apologetic.

            “You go on ahead. I’ll be there soon. I just need another minute.”

            “Are you sure? I can...wait with you if you...if you want.” Why am I getting all shy again all of a sudden? Around my boyfriend?

            “Eliana, I’m fine. Just go to class,” he said harshly. He didn’t look at me that time either. His eyes were focused on the ground next to him. He even said my full name. When someone calls me Eliana rather than Ellie, I know I’m in trouble. I can take it from my mom or Eric or even the girls, but from him? No.

At that point, I wanted so much to grab his collar, push him up against the tree, and yell at him for being so rude these past couple days. But in reality, I succumbed to his wish and took a deep breath.

            “Fine. I’ll go,” I said trying not to sound too pissed. I walked away hoping that I hid my frustration well enough. When I finally got into class, I saw Thalia in her front seat taking out her stuff, and I silently hoped that she could distract me for a little bit. The good thing was that she looked up and said something first so that I didn’t have to.