Behind the Clouds

Jericho

An entire month without her. It’s been an entire month, and I haven’t gone to school. Haven’t talked to any of the girls. Haven’t talked to anybody. I’ve just been around, I guess. I go to the park, the beach, or the observatory sometimes if I just want to find a distraction. And for a month on every Tuesday I go to the spot just to sit and think. Sit and think and hope that she might come by chance and want to do the same. And every Tuesday for a month, she never came.

 Today was an exception because she was there. She was finally there after all this time.

As I was walking towards the spot under the tree, her words stopped me.

“Who’s there?” She said. It almost sounded threatening. It did surprise the hell outta me though, and I stood there in shock because this was the last thing I expected to happen after a month. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her it was me and just hold her to regain some peace of mind, but my body wouldn’t let me. Instead, I slowly walked backwards and ran through the gate that led to the side car park of the school. If I was to see her again it wasn’t going to be today. Not now. Not like this. Today was my miniscule glimmer of hope that maybe it wasn’t over. I had to believe that we weren’t over.

After an entire month of just “being around,” I forgot to mention that I was “hunting” again. I was trying to find some hidden wonder somewhere in LA and Santa Monica just to ease my mind. I went through hours of traffic in that entire month and added about a thousand miles give or take on the Mercedes I bought. Yes, I did spend a lot of money on gas, but after my parents found out about what happened with me and Ellie they just decided to keep my gas budget high since they thought driving around would be good for me. Thank goodness they did because one night I was aimlessly driving around Los Angeles with only two little squares of light telling me that I really needed to find a gas station and fast. For some odd and stupid reason, I couldn’t find any for blocks on the street I was driving on. However, at some point I came to a stop light and right next to me was something incredibly beautiful.

It was just there and shining right next to me and instead of driving to find a gas station, I pulled over to check it out for myself. I didn’t know what this was, but I knew it was an exhibit of some sort. It was incredibly beautiful at night, and I just walked around it and was mesmerized by how beautiful such simple objects could be. If only I had someone to share it with.

After a good twenty minutes of wandering through the masterpiece, I reluctantly went back to my car and eventually found a gas station the next street over. Sometimes the most amazing things can happen when the time just seems so unlikely for it to happen.

If I really think about it, I can see that I’m not wrong. When life decided to stab me in the back two years ago and keep me alive to suffer, Ellie showed up in that classroom out of nowhere and took all the pain away. And when my car is on the verge of running out of gas while I am an emotional wreck, the most amazing place just appears and shines some light on my life. Literally and figuratively. That gave me hope. And today when Ellie was at the spot that confirmed that I had a chance again. In the darkest of times, out of nowhere, a glimmer of light will show up to pull you out. The storm is passing. It’s my job to let the light back out.

After I went through the gate and back to my car at the school, I went back to that place. Twenty minutes away from home was a place that gave me the same exact feeling of peace as the spot but better. If anything, the peace was amplified. I parked on the street next to the exhibit and walked towards the lights. Just one step through the exhibit immediately made me feel extremely calm and peaceful. I could stay here forever. If it meant feeling like this all the time I honestly would.