Behind the Clouds

Chapte 30 -- Ellie

Music started playing in the darkness. It was Turning Page by Sleeping at Last. Then suddenly, small amounts of light were beginning to slowly grow. Jer let go of my hands, and I turned around to see that we were at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. We were at the beautiful exhibit of Urban Light made up of lampposts that lit up the night. I walked towards a lamppost and looked up at the bright light. Then I turned to Jer with more tears welling up in my eyes. Finally, I could see his beautiful eyes looking right into mine.

“This is how you make me feel,” he said. He slowly began walking towards me. He stopped so close to me that he had to look down to look in my eyes. My mind was stuck in this insane amount of calm and euphoria that I don’t know what to do with myself. It didn’t even feel real. He grabbed my hand and held it up to his chest. “Can you forgive me now?” But then reality steps back in and the euphoria slowly subsides. I slowly pull my hand off his chest and take a step away from him. He can take me to a place like this and tell me how he really feels, but this isn’t finished yet.

“You hit me.” I say finally looking up at him. He looked like he was about to cut in, but I held my hand up to stop him. “You yelled at me and pushed me away when I wanted to help you. You have infuriated me since the first day I met you, and you never came to me after over a month and a half.” The anger was building. The flame of hate burned through my words and in that moment I wanted to punch him after what he’d done. But then I started thinking about the reality of our relationship.

He was trying to protect me. He was protecting me from all of this. He was protecting me from his demons. I just let myself in. Just like the song says, I saw where his demons hid.

“After all of that, I feel like I shouldn’t even be here right now, but...then I realized that you did all of that for me. You were trying to protect me from everything that was hurting you. I thought intruding on your life was going to help you or...help us, but I was wrong. I thought walking away would be best for us and thought that was what you wanted, but I’ve realized that it’s my fault.” I looked away from him because more tears fell. I could hear his footsteps coming towards me slowly and for a minute I thought he was gonna yell at me. I wouldn’t blame him, though. It was really my fault anyway. Everything was.

When he was finally in front of me, instead of yelling at me like I thought he would, he lifted my chin up to look into my eyes. He used his thumb to brush away the tears and when one more tear he fell...he kissed it.

“Stop blaming yourself. None of this is your fault. If you keep blaming yourself, you’re never going to be able to learn to accept that this is your life now. You won’t be able to move on. Being with you taught me that. I’ve accepted what I’ve done. I’ve accepted that the past is the past. Nothing I do now can change that, but I know that there’s still a way to look to the future and move forward. And I want to move forward with you. I don’t know what’s gonna happen, but what I do know is that I want to move every step of the way with you. No matter what the court sentences me to, I will accept that you will be my future. Can you accept me as yours?”

Can I?

“Yeah,” I answered breathlessly. Before I could react he grabbed my face and began to kiss me softly. The sun in me was burning with love and light, and I raised my arms around his neck to pull him closer. Then the song changed to Kurt Hugo Schneider’s version of Demons. That song in this moment was perfect. It reminded me that even though our pasts aren’t clean and there’s still something that haunts us, we have each other to push them away. Suddenly, he pulls away from me, so we could catch our breath.

“There’s something I forgot to mention,” he said with our foreheads against each other.

“What?” I asked.

“Remember Gold talking about December 21st being the time of ‘rebirth’ because it’s the winter solstice?”

“Yes...” I said confusedly. Why is he bringing this up—Wait. Don’t tell me.

“Well, funny enough today’s also my birthday. That’s why my parents named me Jericho. After the city of the moon.” I pulled away a few inches to see him better and had a puzzled look on my face.

“Oh my God,” I said slightly shocked at this realization. Then Eric’s voice started coming into my head.

“Eliana L. Amberson, your name means daughter of the sun...your mom named you after the sun for a reason you know? June 21st? Summer Solstice?”

Again with the coincidences.

“I’m never gonna get enough of the coincidences am I?” I scoffed to myself.

“What do you mean?” Jer asked.

“Well, Mr. Moon, I guess I really am your sun.” I smiled. “My mom named me after the sun because I was born on the summer solstice. Pretty fitting isn’t it?” He smiled a huge smile, and I remembered how much I loved that smile. “But now I don’t know what to get you for your birthday,” I joked.

“Well, first of all I must say that is all quite fitting. But Ellie, this is everything I need. I don’t need anything else besides you. And now there’s no way I’m ever gonna let you go. This is a once in a lifetime happening you know?” He chuckled.

“I know. That’s why I’m not letting you go either. I love you,” I said softly.

“I love you, too.” And then we were back to kissing in that perfect rhythm we had before. The heat of the moment felt so amazing, and I thought of how I never wanted this feeling to go away.

The sun and moon have found each other once again and now there shall never be a dark night in our lives. Ever.