The Fire Inside Her [UNEDITED]

Kabanata 18

Kabanata 18

"Fourth grading na. Anong plano niyo?" Parang lantang gulang na pasalampak akong umupo sa couch at sumandal dito para magpahinga.

"Aba, malay ko. Fucos muna siguro sa mga projects na gagawin. Isa lang naman ang patutunguhan ko."

"Ang maging asawa si—" Hindi pa man natatapos ni Raby ang kanyang sinasabi ay nabato na siya ni Mary ng ballpen na ikinatawa lang ng huli.

I chuckled when I saw how annoyed Mary is. Sarap asarin, madaling mapikon. That's why we love teasing her or if they don't have any choice, they tease me. Being with my friends feels like I don't have a problem that I burden.

Not really a problem but still, I burden it for almost a months. I don't know how many, I lost count and I don't care. All I want now is to be happy but every time I tried, I ended up failing.

Kapag kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko, duon lang ako nakakaramdam ng totoong says maliban nalang kapag kasama ko rin ang pamilya ko. But I can feel the emptiness inside me. And nope, I won't risk again because it's too dangerous. Ayoko ng sumubok dahil takot na ako.

"How about you, Hanna? Any plan?" Raby asked and that's when I came out from my deep reverie as I look at them.

"I still don't know. My parents wants me to rule the company but I want to be a model." I sighed frustratedly. "bakit ba kasi nag-iisang anak lang ako? Yung pangarap ko hindi ko tuloy makamit." Itinaas ko pa ang kamay ko na akmang may inaabot sa taas kahit wala naman.

The three of them look at each other before shrugging.

"Expect it, Hanna." Quizel said. "sa tingin mo madali din sa akin ang kumuha ng dalawang kurso?"

"Iba naman sayo, dalagang bato."

Her face fell and look at me flatly. "When did my name change?"

I smiled apologitically. "Sorry. I just love calling you that." I giggled pero bigla ding sumeryoso. "iba naman talaga yung sayo. Tito and Tita agreed that you can take criminology. Pero ako? Kahit anong pilit ko hindi naman sila pumapayag."

Like what I said before, it's okay for them to know that reason para hindi na sila mag-aalala. I know they know what happened to me but they don't know totally.

Being a model? Before, I was sure that I want to take that and experience because that's my dream. But, because of what happened, I'm now having second thoughts or let's say, I have now a truama?

Natawa ako sa naisip at pinakinggan lang ang payo ng mga kaibigan ko. I'm a little bit guilty to tell that to them when the truth is, that's not it. Pero 'yon lang ang naisip kong paraan para hindi na sila mag-aalala sa akin. 

"I'll get through this." I said determinedly so the topic will be ended. "malayo pa naman kaya hindi ko muna yun iisipin."

"Right. Sobrang layo pa kaya wag mo munang isipin." Raby said with conviction on her voice and that what's made me smile.

After a while, we busied ourselves to gather our things for our first period this morning. Habang naglalakad kami sa hallway patungo sa classroom ay napag-usapan namin si Christine.

"I'll go guys. Wala naman akong gagawin sa weekend." I said when the girls agreed to visit Christine.

Because of what happened to her, she's willing to put herself behind bars. Of course, we're sad for her but Christine is Christine. She's trying to cheer up us and not to think too much for her. Mabuti nalang at nandiyan si Zeigen na nobyo niya para hindi siya pabayaan at palaging alagaan.