Everyone Deserves Happiness.

Chapter 5

⚠️tw⚠️ flashbacks of rape
How long is this supposed to last ? Men really are disgusting it's been what 35 minutes now? I just want to die . Please stop this and just kill me.

I woke up sweating and crying with a man sitting next to me and holding me. It made it worst until I realized where I was and who the man next to me is.Boyfriend Derek my boyfriend.

"Shhh shh mer it's me Derek your ok it's just me" he said while stroking her hair
"Derek oh Derek" she said while crying and clinging on to him for dear life.
"These night terrors don't seem to let up huh?"
"N-no they-they don't " she said through sobs
"I'd understand if you want to rethink the whole relationship thing because I'll probably keep having these terrors and needing you to stay over more and I know that it's tiri-"
Before she could finish Derek interrupted her
"Mer I told you I'm in this I'm not going anywhere what happened to you is not your fault you didn't do anything to deserve this. Plus it's nice to hold you its a feeling I think everyone should have in their life once. Not to hold you of course I don't think I'd be able to handle that but someone special they could hold. Ok you get what I mean I'm gonna stop talking now" he rambled
She laughed at that like actually laughed it startled him a bit but he was happy he was the source of her laughter. They stayed there a bit just holding each other until his pager rang. Meredith jumped a bit by the sound but remembered he was a doctor.
"I'm so sorry about this mer but I have to take this. Will you be ok?"
"Yeah of course. But when your done could come back maybe? Only if you have time you don't have to if you don't want to I understand it's probably an-"
"Mer stop it I'd love to come back I'll see you later" he kissed her forehead and got up to leave. She followed him downstairs and said bye to him as he exited through the door.

She decided to go and take a shower and probably spend the day watching tv while waiting for Derek to come home. Home she liked the way it sounded. "This is complete lunacy why does he make me want to experience everything good in life. The boyfriend, moving in kids? I've never had these thoughts since before the accident but Derek makes me feel brave . I don't like needing people especially a man but I need him and I want him but I don't know if I'm able to give him what he needs or wants. To be quite sure I don't know why he's even with me it's all confusing. Well I'll probably head upstairs now to take a shower." She thought

She made her way upstairs took a shower put on a black sweatshirt with leggings and made her way back downstairs but something didn't feel right. She felt uneasy and she hated feeling that way.
She picked up her phone and called the only person she had on speed dial it rang once before he answered.
"Mer hey is everything ok?"
"I- no it's not I don't feel comfortable at home can you come over please to spend the night or something"?
"Yeah I'd love to but there's an incoming head trauma so I'll be over in about 20 minutes alright?"
"Ok thank you Derek I'll see you later "
"See you soon Mer "
She hung up and sat at the island the only place she felt comfortable at the moment.
After 25 minutes Derek finally came and with an overnight bag. He kissed Meredith on the forehead and put his bag by the door and removed his shoes and coat. He also had groceries in his hand because he planned to cook for her.
"Derek.."
"Yeah Mer what's up?"
"Why..why are you with me?"
"Hmm what do you mean why am I with you"
"You heard me" she snapped
He turned around to face her, took two steps so they were only standing an inch away and held her face with his hands.
"Derek?"
He stayed silent a moment and smooshed her cheeks while smiling and then kissed her forehead while bringing her in for a hug.
"Meredith I'm with you because you make me happy. Whenever you talk about anything it makes me smile when you kissed me for the first time it felt like I was on cloud nine and I was so proud of you for feeling comfortable enough to make such a move. And then when you told me you liked me. I felt it too I always knew I had feelings for you but when you told me first I felt like a kid on Christmas. You make me so happy Meredith Grey "
She couldn't help but tear up at his confession and hugged him back harder than before. She pulled away and kissed his cheek before grabbing his hand and leading him to the kitchen remembering the groceries. He laughed at her gesture and got to unpacking them.
"Sooo what're you making?"
"Chicken Parmesan "
"Wait that's my favorite how did you even know I never told you."
"Everyone likes chicken parm" he shrugged
"Cocky"
"Well being the best at everything does that to you"
"Cocky ass"
"I do have a pretty cute ass "
She laughed at that
" funny your pretty funny"
"Why thank you hey do you wanna come try the sauce let me know what you think"
"Yeah sure" she got up and walked over to him to try the sauce. He picked the spoon up and grabbed her hand to smear a little on it. She brought her hand to her lips to give it a taste.
"Mmm this is really good what's in it"
"Secret recipe can't tell you"
"Mean"
"I'm not mean I just made you food" he pouted
"I guess that's true"
He finished cooking the chicken and added the cheese on it. He finished the last preparations and made her a plate.
"Thank you Derek "
"Anything for you Mer" he smiled
They ate in comfortable silence before they both finished there food and Derek brought both dishes to the sink to wash. Meredith ventured off to couch and Derek followed shortly after. They sat together holding each other while watching tv. Meredith looked up at the man who she trusted more than ever and he looked down at her after a while. She grabbed the sides of his face and kissed him. A kiss which he reciprocated with excitement. Kissing Meredith was never anything other than amazing. His tongue swept her bottom lip as to ask for access which she happily granted. She was happy and content in this moment in his arms kissing him until he made the movement to flip them over so now he was on top of her kissing her.
She immediately stopped kissing him and felt like she wanted to cry. She knew it was Derek she knew he would never hurt her but this was too much too fast. He could feel her stop reciprocating the kiss and noticed she was crying he immediately got up and she stood up from the couch and ran to her room embarrassed from not being able to trust her boyfriend. He sat there a moment.
"Stupid stupid what the hell is wrong with you. She's a survivor and a strong one at that why would you get on top of her " he scolded himself before going after his girlfriend.
"Mer please open the door I'm so sorry I'm an idiot "
"Please Meredith "
After 10 minutes of pleading she opened the door to find a sad Derek looking down at the ground.
She grabbed his hand and lead him to the bed. To talk.
"Derek listen kissing is ok I'm ok with kissing but you can't get on top of me. I'm not ready for that yet. And I want to be with you I just want to be a regular person again but I can't.
"I'm sorry Mer I should've known I won't do it again"
"I know you won't and it's not your fault but I just want to sleep now is that ok if we just sleep?"
"Yeah whatever you want Mer"
"Ok"
"Ok"
The two got into bed together to go to sleep
"Derek"
"Hmm?"
"Can you hold me please?"
"I'd be happy to "
He held her in the most comfortable way possible and while he knew she was sleeping whispered
"I love you Meredith grey, it's early I know but I love you"

A/N oop he said the L word👀 let me m kw what you guys think enjoy!