Everyone Deserves Happiness.

Chapter 70

Derek sat at joes bar on his third round of a double malt scotch. He knew Meredith wouldn't die, it'd be to cruel for the endeavors they've already faced.

How long had it been? Derek was zoned out I think his phone rang but he surely didn't hear it. Besides drinking what was he doing? Was he preparing himself or desperately trying to convince himself she wouldn't die. This was crap.

He felt a hand on his shoulder when he picked up his now fourth shot after gulping the third one down like water.

"Derek your being irresponsible,put it down"Richard said

"Richard..I-I can't just let me" he said trying to drink but Richard grabbed the glass and pushed it away from him.

"Meredith is going to need you sober when she comes out of surgery Derek " Richard said sitting down beside him

"She could die" he whispered "What the hell do I do if she dies huh?" He asked again louder

"I don't know because she will not die."

"You don't know that. Meredith seems to be a magnet for bad luck" he groaned

"Yeah actually she's been strangely unlucky " he chuckled lightly "But Meredith won't leave you Derek, she's strong, she'll be fine go back to the hospital but first drink some water ok?" Richard said putting a hand on his shoulder

"Yeah ok thank you rich"

"Rich?" He groaned

"It's funny!" Derek protested

"If you hadn't drunk already I would've hit you shep" he chuckled again before getting up and leaving

Derek thanked the bartender after a couple more minutes of sitting and left to go back to the hospital.

He called himself a cab because he wasn't all right up there. They dropped him off at the hospital and he paid them before they drove off. Derek avoided everyone and made his way back to her room.

He sat on the couch and leaned his head back against the wall behind the couch and dozed off.

//////

"DEREK!"

"Huh wha- why are you yelling... Bailey?"

He noticed the blood on her scrubs.. what? No way...right?

"Bailey ... Bailey what's going on " Derek said getting up

"Derek I am so so sorry she didn't make it"

What? No no no this has to be some kind of joke what did she mean Meredith "didn't make it"

"What do you mean she didn't make it? Bailey I don't have time for games where is she"

"Shepherd " Richard said stepping besides her. "I just saw her ..I'm so sorry Derek she didn't survive"

Derek fell back against the couch. He started crying. His head buried in his hands and pain evident in his sobs. Why the hell didn't she make it? They were supposed to grow old together. She left him. Ha, worst breakup ever.

Richard sat next to the sobbing man and put a hand on his shoulder rubbing his back.

Bailey rubbed her eyes, the worst part of a patient dying is not just the fact that you knew them and it was painful, the worst part is having to see the pain on someone who truly loved them.
She left the room to look for her friends.

After and hour of crying and trying to bargain with someone.....anyone! But to no avail.Derek got up,packed up his stuff and her stuff and got ready to leave.

"Wait Derek... did you want to see her?" Bailey came back to ask

"No I uh I want my last memory of her to be alive and happy." He said with a sad...broken smile. She nodded at him and he left.

Once he arrived at their..no his house he went upstairs and re packed everything. He didn't know how she expected him to continue living here but he couldn't ...he couldn't sleep in their bed so he decided to check into a hotel for the night.

He pulled up to the nearest hotel which was thankfully only 15 minutes and checked in at the front desk. He sat on the bed and turned on the tv. He felt numb the pain had kicked in but not fully. He was in stage 1 of his grief ... denial.

He pretended she wasn't dead yeah she was still just in surgery and whatever this was that he was going through right now was a dream. Some dream conjured up by the deepest pits of hell to torment him. Because there's no way Meredith Grey is dead right?

But if that were the case where was she? Where was his wife. Derek broke down again. It hurt he felt physical pain. He was hyperventilating and clutching his chest. This pain...he'd prefer to die then to deal with this. He would have to host a funeral and see her friends and he couldn't do that he wasn't ready. God there's so much that they didn't get to do yet.

He stood up and tried to take deep breaths but every inhale made his chest tighten. He sat down and laid back trying to think of everything good they'd ever done together. It slightly helped as his ragged breathing slowed. Once he accomplished that he took a shower. A got ready for his first time sleeping alone since coming back.

A/N I'm sorry I've been gone for so long:/ I watched this show and this certain death messed me up and I just wasn't in the right state of mind to write.