Wonder if....

Season 3 (Confused)

Gilbert:
Afternoon of dancing... that was a lot, she left so quickly after. It just, it messed with my mind, why did I care so much about it, about her?

I stood in the kitchen, chopping carrots while Bash held Delpine "Dashing...White...Sergeant!" "This white sergeant" Bash sipped his coffee "why does he offend you so?" I sighed picking up a bowl.

"Dancing is not my perferred way to spend an afternoon is all. I don't...I don't understand it" "Even those bee's of yours dance, what's so confusing" I thought for a moment.

I guess maybe it wasn't entirely the dancing that confused me... "If I... If I feel something, for... a girl..." he looked up at me now "does that mean that... she's the one I should maryr?" he chuckled, letting his hand rest on the table.

"Uh, not neccassarily Blythe. Attraction yes, its important, but love... that's what truly matters. And love is bigger than those... feelings you're talking about, does that make sense?".

I paused thinking it over "I think so." I nodded before picking up the knife and resuming my carrot cutting task, "Mind telling me who this girl is?" I laughed, like heck he would get that out of me "I mind" "You sure?" "Yes, very sure" he waited a beat "How 'bout now?" I shook my head "Nope.".

He looked to Delphine "You can tell her. She won't talk" I laughed but still shook my head as I went back to the main thing.

Thinking over Bash's words made my mind really go into overdrive, did I love her? I barely know what that feels like and if I decided that I did, would she even feel the same?

I doubt someone like her would even go for me, so smart and talented, outspoken, brave, not to mention- nope.

Thats only going to make everything worse, thinking about her smile the way it felt whe- I sighed shaking my head. Not right now. I would deal with this later, I could push it aside for now, I'd find a distraction I know I will.

Y/N:
"Come on, y/n! We are handing them out, we're going to be late!" Anne tugged me along with her torwards this mornings church service.

We would hand out the paper for people to read on their way out, myself and the rest of the girls from class would stand in two line waiting for the people to leave so they could grab one.

"Sorry, sorry, I was a bit tired okay" not like I was up most of the night thinking about every moment of that dance, every look and touch, it was all so confusing! Why did I have to feel like this?

I had never felt that way before, I vaugley processed Anne giving me a stack of papers, people grabbing them as they walked out. I had never once felt nervous around a man before, in fact I was less intimidated by them than I was of women, now that may be mothers fault but whos guessing?

Anyway, come to think of it, I had felt this way around him for a while but only now was it really hitting me, the feelings becoming stronger for some reason.

The frusrtating part besides having them in the first place was the fact that I didn't even know what this feeling was, no one had ever told me about it, even in all of the books I had read nothing seemed quite like this, nothing ever detailed anything quite close to it, so basically I was completely in the dark on whatever 'it' may be.

"Walking home?" I looked over, snapping out of my thoughts at Dianas destressed voice "But theres no touching!".

Okay, and how in the world did we get here?

"Unless theres rough ground" Jane eyed Josie.

"So it like... animal husbandry?" my mouth fell open

"Okay! I wasn't listening at first, when did we get to this?!" Anne laughed a bit.

"I guess that is a bit odd out of context"

"And disgusting, we're not filthy animals" Josie added.

Anne looked at me, her eyes said it all 'Don't ask, I'll tell you later' I nodded as the conversation continued "But, animals don't have to think. Perhaps thats why they have bear offspring so easily... Oh no, that means..." Anne looked distraught "Maybe Charlie is right. Maybe intelligent and emotional females can't have children!" I laughed.

Wrong time.

They all turned to me with a glare "I'm sorry, that just sounds so ridiculous" they all rolled their eyes turning back to each other.

I shrugged watching them again "Emotional?" Ruby asked "Well then you definitely aren't pregnant Ruby" Jane struggled to contain a laugh "But I don't want to be barren!" "Surely their must be someone who can answer all of this" Diana chimed in.

They all went silent, the door to the church opening, he walked out with a large grin on his face.

My eyes stayed on him for a mere few seconds before I returned them to the others, though now they were all staring directly at me.

I shook my head quickly "Nope. Not happening" they all nodded "No, no, no, no!" They grabbed me, pulling me to stand in front of the stairs. Gilbert glanced around at the group, his eyse lingering on me a little longer with a questioning look.

"Uh...hello" he waited, I stayed quiet, why was it me who had to do this?

You know, I remember my plan for a train not to long ago if I could just get there I might be abl- "Y/N has a question" I sighed as Josie spoke.

I straightned up slightly, Anne nudging my shoulder forward slightly more "Is... is it factual... that women of intelligence and emotion um...doomed to be infertile. Is that how reproduction works?" I stared down at my feet, embarrassment was definitely clear but I forced myself to look back up at him.

He swallowed clearing his throat "Um... Theres nothing I've seen in my medical expirience that would lead me to beleive that. So uh...no" all of the girls around me sighed in releif.

"Is that all?" Tillie leaned forward "the steps... ask him" what steps? I must not have heard that... I turned back to him shaking my head and putting on a smile "Well then, good day" he walked down the steps away.

"He said seen. What has he seen?!" I covered my ears "No more! That was so... I told you it wasn't true and..." I trailed off "We need to purge ourselves of these lies!" Anne said, I turned to her with a raised eyebrow but she didn't look to me.

"I know how and its in your book on Scotland Diana!"

"What is it?"

"It is called Beltane!".

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