A Love Triangle Most Unusual (Season 1)

A Simple Man

The next day, after the giddiness of spending an entire day as a woman, I had to take off the jade bracelet and return to my ugly old self.  My appointment was registered under Dave anyway, meaning I had no choice but to come as myself.  

Fortunately, I was eligible (After all, I am still an essential worker...frontline, you might even argue, with all the times I risked life and limb just to serve people their frappuccinos).  

I took Leo's advice and wore a looser shirt so I could pull the right sleeve up easier to give the volunteers better access to my injection arm. Since it was getting warmer and sunnier out, I took out my old denim jacket instead of the parka I usually wore year-round. After checking in quickly to make sure I was still on for the slot I'd scheduled, I headed out.

For some reason, although I was wearing more or less the same clothes, I felt somewhat underdressed. My body had never felt wrong, per se, but I was itching to switch back to being a woman. I'd told myself that I wouldn't need the jade bracelet for today, but I honestly couldn't wait to be finished with whatever banal task Dave needed. And so, with some reluctance, I decided to head back and bring the jade bracelet with me after all. It only took a few minutes, and I was at least an hour early anyway. I just felt like walking around, for some reason.

I soon regretted not going out with the bracelet as soon as I hit the streets. Nobody was staring at me particularly, but whenever I accidentally made eye contact with someone, I found myself in a hurry to look away and get out of their sight. As I tripped slightly, having forgotten that as Dave I had taller legs, I accidentally scraped my ankle against a bicycle rack and groaned out loud. I no longer felt like walking around outside, and in fact wished that I had just stayed home and cancelled the appointment altogether.

As I rubbed my bruised shin, I looked around to see if anyone else had witnessed my embarrassment. To my surprise, I saw a familiar face, looking across at me and staring at me.

"Dave!" he exclaimed, almost excited.

Fuck, I thought to myself. I cannot think of a single person I would like to see less right now.

"Oh...Hi, Dean," I said, putting my foot down on the ground and trying to act like I didn't just injure myself like a huge dumbass. "I...didn't know you were around in the area."

"Yeah! Just thought I'd get some errands done before I drive back to Marie," he said brightly, and I rolled my eyes internally. 

Of course he was going to check up on Marie. It's what a good boyfriend would do. Meanwhile, I'd been ignoring Marie's texts and hadn't even called home to say hi to my grandmother for Lunar New Year. 

What a great catch I am.

"That's great," I said. My leg still hurt, so I tried to hide it by pretending to casually lean back against a bike. "What brings you here?"

"Well, that's my bike right there," Dean said, pointing behind me.

I jumped forwards and sure enough, he was pointing at the bike I had been leaning on. I immediately stopped leaning on it.

"So it is," I said. "You...you bike a lot?"

"Yup," he replied, wearing the same smile as always. "Used to have a bit of a nervous habit, so I picked up biking instead as a hobby."

"Ah," I said. "Nervous habit? Like, plucking your eyebrows?"

"No. Smoking," he replied, in that annoyingly perfect British accent of his which made everything he said sound like a poetic recitation.

"Oh," I said, and we looked at each other for a few seconds. "I didn't know you were a smoker," I said warily, looking him up and down. I wouldn't have pegged him as the type of guy to harbor an uncouth vice like smoking cigarettes. I could hardly even imagine him holding a Juul. Did they even have Juuls back in the UK?

"Yeah, I used to be," Dean said. "Marie told me to quit."

"And?"

"So I did," he said simply.

I narrowed my eyes, trying to see if he was telling the truth. He looked fairly honest, and by all means, he had a spotless track record from what I'd seen of him.  But maybe that's exactly what he wanted me to think. Maybe, deep down, he hadn't actually quit smoking and was actually just pretending to so he could ensnare Marie with his charming looks while in actuality, he was secretly smoking loads of cigarettes stashed away underneath his mother's bed. Maybe, he was smoking a cigarette RIGHT now, and if I reached under that mask and ripped it away-

Okay, I was getting carried away imagining things.

"Well," I looked at him, "Good for you. I've heard it can be quite difficult to quit."

"Ah, yeah, it was," he replied good-naturedly, not an ounce of ill will or offense in his voice. I stared at him, expecting him to narrow his eyes back at me, but he just looked at me innocently.

"And your parents, did they know?"

"Yeah, they were pretty supportive about it," he replied earnestly. "My mum sends me gum sometimes, even though I don't need it anymore, so I end up giving it away."

"Wow."

I had never particularly liked Dean, but somehow learning this bit of information made me dislike him all the more.

I don't know. Maybe it was because I was jealous of how good of a boyfriend he was to Marie, and how happy he could make her in ways I probably couldn't.

Maybe it was the knowledge that his parents embraced and accepted him instead of locking him in a closet for hours or whipping him with an old belt. 

Maybe it was the incredibly banal revelation that this man, despite coming close to addiction, had never truly experienced the darkness and self-loathing and utter destruction of any innocence that comes with an unwanted desire. At least in my experience.

Perhaps I'm projecting too much.

"Wow." I said it again, having no idea what else to say.

This man truly is what he looks like: what you see is what you get. 

A simple man, for lack of better words. Untortured by any deep thoughts about the implication of his existence.

And yet, this only made me all the more envious of him.