Cinderella's Slipper

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As I took each breath with my new chest (one of the features that I was definitely going to need some time to adjust to), I tried to think of what I should be doing

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As I took each breath with my new chest (one of the features that I was definitely going to need some time to adjust to), I tried to think of what I should be doing. Beyond straightening my posture (something I'd never been particularly good at, considering I was self-conscious about my body since middle school), there wasn't much else I could think of.

When Marie and I were kids, we decided to play dress-up together, even though she had no clothes that could fit me. She was a witch, and I was Cinderella. All the time we were playing, we couldn't stop giggling, not at the absurdity of the situation, but out of some strange, inexplicable euphoria.

Of course, we knew that only girls were supposed to wear the Cinderella dress, but the moment we realized it was the perfect solution to our problem, everything felt so right. We danced, and she twirled me around the room like the princes and princesses in movies, and then I laid down and pretended to faint so she could turn into a prince and rescue me. When she "kissed" me awake, the two of us started laughing uncontrollably.

Later on, Mom walked in on us and started chastising me and made me change back. But for those brief moments, when I was twirling and curtsying and pretending to faint, being a girl was as easy as breathing air. I promised Mom that it was just a joke, but for weeks afterward, I nurtured this aspect of myself, quietly roleplaying Cinderella by myself in bed at night.

As I walked past several other masked people, I tried to recall what it felt like, being a girl. It had seemed so easy back then. But, what to do now? Already, I had grown into a fearful man, watching my back for signs betraying my nonconformity to the mundane world and its citizens. For two years, I religiously shaved my face into the recommended image of an upright, straight man and hung my photos on the walls like an obsessed actor trying to get into character.

No, it was more than that - I wanted to become the role that I had pictured. Ever since that facade was shattered and Po Po stopped looking at me in the eye, there was no real reason for me to be so meticulous with my appearance, and as such I stopped trying to take care of myself. Why bother trying, if it was only going to fail eventually anyways?

This is what you chose, I reminded myself.

I nervously gulped and felt the jade bracelet around my wrist, making sure that it was not going to fall off anytime soon. Fortunately, it was quite secure, though I still feared getting exposed. Taking a deep breath, I smiled at the man standing next to me at the crosswalk and pressed the button. He made no noise or effort to acknowledge me, beyond a brief nod and a slight scrunch of his eyes that could have been a smile (although, with a face mask, it was quite hard to tell).

At one point, someone did attempt to talk to me. I immediately froze up when I felt someone lay their hand on my shoulder. But it was not for the reason I was expecting.

"Hey," it was a nervous-looking guy wearing disposable gloves, who seemed out of breath even though he didn't seem to have been doing any strenuous exercise. "I'm so sorry... but, could I get your number? You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

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