Dave, known disaster bisexual, is in love with Marie. But Marie is dating Dean, the handsomest guy in town.
After being gifted a magical bracelet, Dave gains the ability to transform into a totally different person...Jade, a beautiful, alluring al...
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Just as I turned and made to go, however, I felt someone grab me. Expecting the park security officer, or maybe one of my personal demons, I turned around and tried to yank my head free.
"Dean? What are you doing-"
"I'm sorry," he said, letting go. "But do you mind if I tag along?"
The volunteer waiting for me was starting to look impatient.
"For what?" I hissed, feeling a bit embarrassed. The people behind us were starting to stare, as if they were witnessing a lovers' quarrel.
"Moral...support?" he said.
I raised my eyebrow. I'd seen this man lift boxes heavier than small elephants and plough through heavy duty yardwork for hours without so much as breaking a sweat.
Moral support? What would that even entail? Giving him a little kiss and pat on the back? Nevermind, let's try and steer this conversation away from anything involving kissing.
"O-kay. Don't get all weird on me, though."
"Sure," he agreed eagerly, and followed behind me as I walked up to the impatient vaccination worker.
"Are you two gentlemen together?" the worker asked.
In certain contexts, answering "yes" might imply a romantic connection. Say something to let her know that you two are just bros.
"Yup, he's my ride."
Fuck, that makes him sound even more like my partner.
"Alright," she said, deciding not to ask any more questions about the nature of our relationship. "And is this your first or second dose?"
"My first," I said, and checked the vaccination card I had been given. "It says here, um, that it should be Johnson."
The instant I uttered those words, everyone around me started to send me pitiful looks, as if I were Sydney Carton himself on my way to the guillotine. I half expected one of the older ladies to take out a rosary and start praying for me.
The vaccination worker was a true professional. She didn't even blink. "Johnson and Johnson, coming right up. And what about him?" she nodded at Dean.
"Huh?" Dean asked, looking stupid.
"It's also his first," I replied.
"Which type?"
"I'm sorry, what did she say?" Dean practically babbled into my ear. I backed away from him, trying to put some space between us. If he was going to expose me to saliva particulates, he could at least do me the courtesy of waiting until I'd had my shot.
"Which kind are you getting? Moderna, Pfizer, Johnson and Johnson?" I asked, trying to get things over as quickly as possible.
"Uh, I dunno," he said dumbly.
"Well what does it say on the little card that they gave you?"
"Um... I'd have to look," he said bleakly. He made a weak grab at his backpack, but started struggling with the zipper on it. Impatient, I motioned for him to come over to me, and grabbed both of his backpack straps. Dean looked back at me with wide eyes, incredibly shocked by how violently I was manhandling him, but really I just wanted to get the damn thing off him. After divesting him of his sacrilegiously ugly North Face backpack, I started yanking at the zipper with everything I had. The vaccination worker, seeing me struggle, also came over and started pulling it apart. After much struggle, we finally extracted a slightly bent vaccination card. Incidentally, he was also a Johnson and Johnson boy.
"Alright," the volunteer said, somewhat exhausted from the ordeal. "I'll start with you first. Please show me your injection arm," she said. I pointed at my right arm. "Alright, now I want you to roll up your sleeve."
Thank god I remembered to wear a loose-sleeve shirt today. I did not like the idea of being forced to strip shirtless in front of Dean. Even less now that everyone knew I was going to receive Johnson and Johnson. I rolled my sleeve and presented my arm to her, feeling somewhat like a Thanksgiving turkey, or perhaps a virgin sacrifice.
"Is it one of the bad ones?" Dean asked loudly, and I wanted to slap him. I could hear the people behind us, undoubtedly the ones who had also been assigned Johnson and Johnson, holding their breath.
"No, it's not bad," the vaccination worker replied, laser-focused on her task of sanitizing the injection site. "All three of the vaccines have been deemed safe for the public. There is no "bad" vaccine."
"Oh, okay," Dean said. "That makes me feel a little better."
I wanted to glare at him. What are you concerned about? I'm the one that's getting jabbed here, not you!
I needn't have worried, though. As I said, the vaccination worker was a true pro. I barely even felt the thing go in. By the time she'd bandaged me up, I was still questioning if she'd even given me the shot. "Alright, good news is you won't need a second dose. Just remember to self quarantine."
"Great," I replied. Scary vaccine or not, I did like the idea of getting everything done in one go.
"Since your medical record states you have a history of allergies, we'd like you to wait in the designated area for up to thirty minutes."
"Can do," I replied.
"Wait, you have to wait longer if you have allergies?" Dean said, confused. "I thought you only have to wait fifteen minutes?"
"You do have to wait longer in case there is an allergic reaction to the vaccination," the volunteer replied. The color drained out of Dean's face.
"Um, I think I should go," he reached down and picked up his backpack, putting it back on again. "I don't-I don't want mine anymore, sorry."
