Promise. (Manthony)

Twelve

     Mitchel doesn't say anything. He remains silent. The only sounds we could hear were the cars driving down our street. Finally, Mitchel uncrosses his arms, gets up, and walks into the kitchen without even looking at me.

"It's not that I didn't want to be with you," He says with his back facing me. I watch as he grabs a glass from the cabinet and pours water from our filter into it. "I did. I was happy with you."

"This is all too confusing." I breathe out. "When we went clubbing not too long ago, we were all touchy with each other. We almost kissed then. You asked me if I missed what we had. You apologized to me. Now you're here saying it's in the past and blowing me off. What is it you want?"

"You're confusing me just as much. All that shit between us was six years ago. So why are we still on it?"

"Did you not hear me when I said I loved you?" I ask in disbelief. Mitchel takes a sip of water to stall. "You said I allowed us to fall apart!" He states once he swallows the water.

"And when you were drunk on the bathroom floor in a club, you were blaming yourself. So I agreed with you."

He rolls his eyes. "I was drunk. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't yours either, okay?"

"Then why the fuck did you just pin the blame on me? You basically said I should've known better not to have shared an intimate moment with my boyfriend at the time."

A big sigh escapes his lips. I was happy we were finally having this difficult conversation, but I was worried about how it would affect our friendship after it was over. My heart was racing. I was nervous and slightly intimidated. Mitchel was making me feel small. I don't know if that was his intention, but it's what was happening.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. It was never the intention. I should've spoken to you but I was scared. I was afraid of my parents, my dad mainly, seeing us together and hurting me all over again. I was confused and everything I had was put on the line. My friendships, my reputation, my relationship with my parents..." Mitchel stops for a second. He walks backs over to me and sits down on the bar stool next to me.

My back is facing him. I wanted to turn around, but the way my heart was aching, it was too painful to even look at him.

"And what about what you did to me?" I cry out. I didn't dare turn around so Mitchel could see the pain he caused me. If I did, he would know much control he had over my feelings, and I'd hate myself even more if he did. It was pathetic.

"I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry I was fucking around with you, and that caused you to lose it a bit at the party."

"Not everything I do or say is about you!" I snap. My pain was coming out as anger. And I hated that he already knew my fuck ups were because of him. "As I said when this conversation started, I was going through a hard time. I didn't feel like I had people to talk to. Especially you. I'm sorry you got hurt trying to help me out."

I wanted to ask who the guy he was fighting in the videos was, but it didn't seem like the time. There were still so many unanswered questions but was it worth asking anymore? It didn't seem that way. Instead, we wasted our time trying to mend wounds that were made too deep. Six years too deep.

"Please...please look at me." He pleads. Hearing the desperation in Mitchel's voice caused my heart to cry out. I turn around. Facing him correctly the first time. His pretty eyes staring back into my watery ones. He wasn't wearing his glasses for once, which he knew I liked. I bite the inside of my cheek when I look down to see him wearing my shirt I had let him borrow a while back. He missed me. 

"The kiss wasn't a mistake." I admit, finally. "I wanted to."

"I know. And that's fine. But we can't do it again." Something about his reaction felt wrong. It was as if he was saying all of this to protect something or someone. The way he was acting and the way he was attempting to calm me down was too weird for him. Mitchel seemed to have meant what he said that night at the club, but now he was acting like we were the worst that had ever happened.

He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. Looking at me fondly. I lean the side of my face into his hand. I was relishing in the feeling of our skin connecting. I was mentally begging him not to leave me hanging once again. I should confess my feelings now. I should let him know before it's too late. But I already was.

"Find someone better than me." He says lowly, his voice cracking. Mitchel wipes a tear that falls away with his thumb. Removing his hand from my face. "You promise?" He tries again.

"I don't have feelings for you," I lie to his face. My walls were going back up. I was protecting myself from further hurt. I never wanted to put them back up to keep Mitchel out, but he was the only person continuously breaking my heart. Our friendship was changing, and I was no longer sure if there was anything either of us could do to fix it.

Our closeness meant everything to me, but it's not like I could easily fall out of love if I just told myself to.

"Are you sure?" He asks. I had a chance again. I open my mouth, but I couldn't say "No." No matter how hard I tried.

"Yea. We're just friends, right?" I ask weakly. He eyes me. He didn't believe my words as much as I didn't believe them myself.

"Just friends." He agrees. 

"Are we okay now?" I croak out. I look up at him from my sitting position.

"Yeah. We're okay. I promise." He gets up and takes his glass of water, leaving me alone. I watch him as he heads up the stairs to his room without another word. The tears fall harder once he's out of sight. I hold my head in my hands as I cry again for what felt like the one-hundredth time.

I was so stupid. Every time I had a chance, I passed it up. There was nothing more I wanted in this world than to be with Mitchel again, but sometimes things just don't happen the way we want them to.

My phone dings. I groan in annoyance. I lift my head and extend my leg out a bit so I could grab my phone from my front pocket.

Don't be sad. He did it to save you from any further shit you would've gotten.

I wipe the tears from my eyes to re-read the text I had received. It was an unknown number. What was this? Some weird Hallmark movie? Pretty Little Liars? If this was a prank...it was a really fucked up one. Especially right at this moment.

And you better keep your mouth shut too. 

Says the following text that pops up. I look around the room, getting up to check the windows to see if someone had been watching us. No one was around. So, who the fuck was texting me?