Promise. (Manthony)

Thirty-Three

     I move back to the passenger seat. Elijah and I breathing heavily. 

I was feeling the need to sit in a corner and cry my eyes out. But all I could do was stare blankly at the view in front of me. It was just as sad as I was feeling too. 

Elijah wasn't saying anything either, which was only making it all worse. 

"Are you okay?" Elijah askes. Knocking me out of my thoughts. Or maybe he could tell by my reaction. 

I swallow hard and nod my head at him. I buttoned my jeans and fixed my shirt so I didn't look so messy. 

"That was your first time, wasn't it?" Elijah asks. Looking guilty. I shrug. I was embarrassed.

"With a guy, yes," I admit, truthfully. "The clarity you get after sex is very...clear." I joke. Elijah gives me a half-smile. 

I had no idea what to say. Everything that came out of my mouth felt like the stupidest thing I had ever said. But not saying anything also felt extremely stupid. Why was I losing?

"Do you want to come back to my house? We can eat there or whatever." I suggest. Elijah agrees and turns the car back on.

I looked out the window and noticed the other car was gone. my eyes widen, and I turn to Elijah, hitting his arm repeatedly. 

"What's wrong?!" He asks, concerned. 

"T-the car...it's...gone." I point at the vacant spot. 

"Okay...?" Elijah says, stating it more like a question. 

"That means...that person SAW us!" I exclaim. Elijah giggles at my outburst. 

"Unless they're a perv, I don't think they cared," Elijah tells me reassuringly. I let out a deep sigh. I hadn't realized I was keeping it in.  What had just occurred between Elijah and I hadn't fully hit me just yet. 

It's not what I wanted. Elijah didn't notice that my vulnerability had been used, but we were nowhere near close enough for me to admit that. Even if we had been, I don't think I would have admitted it then either. 

I was looking for something to escape the pain. I knew I had to stop using drugs as an escape method. So, I went after the next best thing. Sex.

I used Elijah to achieve this goal, but it only made me feel like a shitty person. Part of me thought he wouldn't go along with it. So it surprised me that he did. 

I was pulling a Mitchel. As mean as they may sound, it was true. I wasn't any better than Mitchel as a person, but all the things I was doing weren't like me. 

There's a difference between singing about it and doing it. 

This is why Mitchel typically sang our songs. 

****

"Turn at the next stop sign, and our house is the first on the left," I tell Elijah. He does as told and pulls in behind Mitchel's car. 

Clinton's car wasn't in the driveway, and I was happy about it. Elijah grabs our drinks and food and follows me to the front door. 

I awkwardly unlock it and invite him in. 

"Christian? Is that you?" Mitchel yells from one another room. I roll my eyes and yell a "Yes" back. I hear his footsteps run down the stairs in a hurry. 

"Hey, I was-what the fuck," Mitchel makes eye contact with Elijah.  He stumbles and falls from missing the last step on the stairs. I frown and help him up. My heart skips a beat when our hands connect. I hadn't felt his skin against mine in what felt like so long.