Boyfriend Privilege (Sam YU AU FF)

That Ray

Yu unbuttoned his suits as he sat inside the car waiting for him in front of the hospital. Looking from the car's rear-view mirror, the look on Evan's face twisted. "What happened to your face?!"

Yu rubbed on his pulsing jaw and lowered his head to hide his swollen eyes. The cut inside his cheek had stopped bleeding but the pain was still there.
"It's nothing. Go." More than nothing, it's somehow comforting for Yu. Being hurt physically slightly lessened the pain in his heart. He was glad that Sam had Ray to stand up for him. The two was the opposite of each other but Yu knew, Ray was more than just a friend to Sam, he was family.

"There you go. Thank you for coming. Now, fuck off." Ray snapped as he saw Yu inside his unlocked office that morning. He just came out of a meeting and upon seeing Sam's office being emptied for a new department head was making him crabby. Punching the man even if Yu was half his size was what he had wanted to do for the past months.

"Ray.." Yu pleaded.

"It's Dr. Ray mind you. And I don't entertain walk-in patients, especially the crazy ones. So, again, fuck off." Ray slapped the files he was holding onto his desk while looking Yu right in the eyes.

"I'm sorry.."

"Oh really Shu Yi? Sorry? Do you really think I'm the one you should be saying sorry to?"

Shu Yi. Yu gulped as he heard the name nobody had called him, not since Sam died.
"I'm really sorry, Ray. It's all my fault." Yu was not intending to confront the obviously enraged man that day but after retrieving a lego-shaped pendrive he had hidden behind Ray's proudly displayed human's humerus, he knew he owe Ray an apology. Ray took him on an impromptu hospital tour a few months back and using his hospitality, Yu looked for a safe hiding place for the files. Who would want to touch a real human bone anyway? Was what Yu thought when he decided Ray's messy office would be a safer place than Sam's.

"What do you want me to say? That it's okay?" Ray growled. His fist was clenched up again.

Yu shook his head, his shoulder dropped in resignation, "No, it's never going to be okay. It's just.. I'm just sorry."

"The man loved you, Shu Yi. He adored you. He even talked about marrying you. He would die for you but you just left him to die? You didn't even call an ambulance for him and you left him to bleed to his death! You-! It'd be better if you die too. I'd feel better if you walk in here with your arm missing, your face scarred, anything! But you are totally fine!"

Ray may not believe it but Yu thought the same too. He thought he'd feel better if he was hurt more. He'd want the police to take him in, he would even confess to killing Sam but the police was too scared of him. Yu then figured he had to make Machida pay first. He couldn't just let the man reign all over East Asia unchecked. He at least had to avenge Sam's death.

"I.. I love him too. I swear. I swear on my life. I.." Complete hopelessness once again clouded Yu. He didn't mind the punch, he wished he was stabbed instead. He wanted to tell Ray that he was too weak that night, that he lost consciousness after being dragged out of the house by his men. But what difference would that make? Yu was looking at Ray but his vision had gone blurry. As more tears welled up, more thoughts whirled through his mind. If there were a doubt in his heart, he knew it now; that Sam loved him, more than he could ever return, that love was something he had let slipped through his fingers.

"Your sorry won't bring him back. Leave. The next time I see you, I'd rather it be six feet under." Ray stomped his way out of his office, leaving Yu with his hitched breathings. He bent and placed his palms on his knees, drawing in air as deep as possible but the tears that had fallen on the floor was increasingly heavy, Yu just knew there's no way he could stop once he had started. All the memory came gushing in like water from a broken pipe. His suppressed sound of hiccups intensified in the office as one by one of Sam's words flooded in his mind, like it did yesterday, the day before that and the day before that.

"Shh.. Sleep some more."

"Why do you think I'm watching you and not sleeping?"

"I can't believe you're my boyfriend now. Like, really?"

"Don't laugh like that, you're going to give me a heart attack."

Their time together was short, too short but Yu felt like Sam had poured his entire life worth of love into Yu and that was what made Yu so furious, cause even that wasn't enough. Even in that short time, Yu had managed to ruin everything.

"Give him pain."

Yu wiped his reddened face and looked out the office's window. From where he stood, only a white building of the hospital's other wing can be seen but all he could see was a face. An obnoxiously smiling face. Yu wanted to wipe that smirk away and he knew the time would be soon enough.