𝑃𝐻𝐼𝐿𝑂𝑃𝐻𝑂𝐵𝐼𝐴|𝙏.𝙈.𝙍+𝙃.𝙅.𝙋

|c o n f e s s i o n|

—RIGEL LOOKED UP FROM THE FIREPLACE HE WAS STARING AT WHEN SOMEBODY WALKED INTO THE LIBRARY, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MIDNIGHT. Tom walked over to him and sat down next to him, looking concerned. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Rigel shrugged and went back to staring at the fireplace in silence.

"I haven't seen you smile in about a week, Rigel." said Tom, frown never leaving his face.

"Not sure there's much to smile about."

"Yes, there is."

Rigel sighed, looking at the boy next to him. "Yeah? Like what?"

"Stars."

"Stars?" Rigel repeated in disbelief, a smile spreading across his face, much to his annoyance.

Tom grinned, noticing this. "Stars." He concluded and stood up, giving Rigel a hand. "Coming?"

Rigel looked at the hand in front of him for a second, then nodded, putting his hand on his.

Trying to ignore the way his heart started hammering in his chest at the contact, Tom led the 17-year-old out of the library.

••

"—please, Rigel." Tom said in desperation. He was asking for the younger boy to start naming the constellations, wanting to see him smile.

"You don't even like constellations, Tom." Rigel pointed out.

Tom looked at him. "I love stars."

Rigel rolled his eyes fondly, then nodded. "Fine. That one is Ursa Major."

"That's beautiful." said Tom as Rigel started smiling, not looking away from the boy.

Not noticing this, Rigel went on, pointing to another constellation. "That one is Cassiopeia." He said, then looked at Tom, only now realizing how he had never taken his eyes off of him. "Tom—" he shook his head sadly.

"Rigel, you understand, don't you?" whispered Tom, a sad expression on his face.

"No."

"Yes, you do— I know you do—"

"No."

"—Rigel you know exactly what I'm talking about, but you keep ignoring it and I know that you've known it for a while now—"

"Tom, no."

Tom stopped and sighed, frown never leaving his face. "Why not?"

"We can't." said Rigel, not daring to look him in the eye, being too scared that he'd see the lie.

"Why?" whispered Tom, voice cracking. "Am I not enough?"

"It's not because of you, Tom, I just have alot going on and I don't want to drag you into it—"

"But I don't care, Rigel! We can go through them together!"

"I don't have the heart to bring you into what I'm going through!" said Rigel, starting to get as angry as Tom was. "You don't deserve that!"

"I don't deserve to be the one to help you?!"

"That's not what I mean and you know it!"

"Well, it surely seems like it!" exclaimed Tom angrily, jaw clenched. "If you don't feel the same way just say so, because putting me in between is extremely frustrating!"

"I—" Rigel stopped and finally looked at him. "You can't.. you can't be feeling that.."

"I love you, Rigel." whispered Tom immediately. "And I have for years.."

Rigel's eyes widened slightly, watching as Tom was now right in front of him. "You shouldn't love me."

Their faces were now inches away, and both of them wanted to lean in.

"It's a bit too late to change my mind." Tom pointed out, eyes now on Rigel's lips. "And even if I could, I wouldn't change it."

"Tom, no." whispered Rigel, eyes tearing up. "You deserve someone much better than me. I am dust and dirt, nothing more."

"The earth is dust and dirt— so, you are my world."

Rigel stayed quiet, their foreheads were now touching. Tom tucked a strand of Rigel's hair behind his ear. "Please tell me that you feel the same way, Ri.." said Tom quietly, eyes moving from Rigel's eyes to his lips again.

Rigel stayed quiet, but started to lean in.

Tom, noticing this, also started to lean in.

They both felt like time stopped when their lips finally met.

Rigel's hand was now on Tom's jaw as they kept kissing, while Tom's hand was on the back of Rigel's neck, his other hand on his waist.

Rigel felt like all of his worries disappeared and for the first time in a long time, he felt— peaceful. As if nothing could break him.. as if he had everything he finally wanted and needed.

Finally realizing what was happening, Rigel pulled away immediately and backed a few steps away, while Tom looked like he predicted this would happen.

"That was a mistake." said Rigel with widened eyes.

Tom sighed sadly. "Just admit it— you're scared of the way I make you feel because you don't want to feel anything."

The boy in front of him sighed, but stayed quiet.

Tom pursed his lips. "Don't make this harder than it already is. Just choose if you want me or not so that I don't spend my time looking like an idiot."

"I don't know.."

"How long do I have to wait?"

"You shouldn't—"

"I'll wait for you to choose, Rigel. But please don't take very long. I've waited years already."