Live to fight and fight to live

18 // dreaming

"Taylor Taylor" I heard someone scream from afar, I didn't know where I was everything was white I looked around for a few minutes until this small little boy stood in front of me
"Taylor you need to wake up"
How did he know me who was he
"Uh who are you where am I?" I said my voice shaky
"I'm your brother Jack your in heaven you need to wake up"
"I don't have a brother called jack"
"I know you might be confused right now but I don't have much time your mum had a son before she had Mitchell and I died but you have so much to live for you can't let our mother win"
"How did you die" I replied
"Our father he killed me look our siblings need you they can't go on without you they won't be able to do it without you tay"
I was so confused our father was capable of killing his own child? I thought he changed once jade was born but maybe he was always like this maybe he was always the monster and he just got good at hiding it
"I'm sorry" I said with tears in my eyes
"It's not your fault Taylor but you can't trust our parents there not who you think they are there capable of so much more bullshit thay they haven't yet showed you you can't stay around to see their real colours" jack said he sounded so wise which made me only wondered what they put him through
I nodded my head and replied "thankyou how old are you? Or how old did you die"
"I died when I was five years old they shouldn't of had more kids but you all have each other"
I nodded my head as he spoke again "I love you tay even if we didn't meet stay strong and keep fighting your a good sister to the younger ones and there lucky to have you now you need to wake up at least for them"
And just like that he faded away leaving me standing there still having a lot of questions to ask, I was confused I never heard of us having another brother and they probably wanted it that way since our father killed him which made me think about our unknown siblings of my dads what were they going through? Was he still the same? He has to be but all I knew was I couldn't trust any of them.

With that my eyes fluttered open, I was hooked up to all different machines I tried ripping them off to only get my hands held down and that was when I noticed I wasn't alone, sasha and casey were here, i still remembered what happened before I woke up and I was more confused than ever "get the nurse casey" sasha yelled out as she held my hands down
"Hey sissy" she said while brushing my cheek but I didn't answer.

A few moments later in walked in casey with a couple of nurses walking beside him
"Hey Taylor how are you feeling?" A young lady said but I still didn't answer
"Why isn't she talking?" Sasha said with a worried look on her face
"I'm not too sure yet it could be shock or it could also be something to do with the accident" the other nurse which was a guy said
"Do you know what your name is?" The lady said
"Taylor Johnson" I finally said as sasha done a big sigh in relief
The asked a few more questions to see that I could remember things before leaving and telling me to get some rest.

As soon as the nurses left the room was silent again which I preferred I really didn't feel like talking right now I was still in shock about what I saw before I woke up and jacks words I was still shocked at my mothers fight and the fact I got hit by a car, I didn't want to talk or be asked any questions at this time.

I was still angry at casey and we still didn't talk since our little thing that went on but he was here and he looked fucking exhausted he looked like he's actually been crying for days on end and it actually meant a lot that he was here even if we weren't on talking terms and even if I was really angry at him this meant he somewhat cared.

Sasha called everyone to tell them I was finally awake and Mitchell and the kids rocked up in about ten minutes, all the kids ran up to me and jumped on me as soon as they saw me
"Kids be careful she just woke up" Mitchell yelled out
This actually made me smile having my younger siblings with me and seeing them so excited to see me it melted my heart and this was the first time I smiled since being awake
Mitchell came to the side of my bed and took my hand and said "I'm sorry that I didn't protect you and that I let you out of the house when I shouldn't of"
That one sentence made my heart break he blamed himself when it wasn't his fault
"Mitch it's not your fault we both didn't know what could of happened"
Sasha gave me a shock look that I just said more than a couple of words at once while Mitchell replied "I know but I should of been there for you"
"Mitchell it's not your fault it's okay"
He nodded his head as he rested his head on the side of the bed.

I didn't realise how much this would of effected my family but now seeing them blame them self or them not leaving my side and being all cuddled up to me has just made me realise that they needed me and that they loved me more than anything, they looked up to me and I could of been gone just like that.

My friends thought that they would come see me tomorrow instead so that I can catch up with my family and spend the time with my family, I wanted to tell them about jack but I thought maybe not just yet since I just woke up and need to get better first and enjoy the time I have with my family for now but once I'm back at home and feeling better than I'll tell them and saying I'm nervous is an understatement, I don't know how they will react or what they will think or even if they will believe me.

Later that night...

Mitchell and sasha took the kids home and now it was only Casey and I which I personally didn't know how I felt about it, I didn't know what he went through since I've been in my coma but then again we hadn't talked at all or even about what happened with us
Casey was the first one to break the silent "look tay you don't need to say anything and I won't blame you if you decide to now talk but I am sorry with what happened between us you were becoming my bestfriend and I just messed it up by kissing you and another bitch on the same day but this is who I am tay I'm a player and that's just how I do things I don't know how to do feelings and be in a relationship since my heart gotten broken and I'm sorry for that"
"Why are you sorry about not being able to do a relationship? That's not something to say sorry to me about since we've never spoken about that it was just a kiss but still I was meant to be your friend and you somewhat just betrayed me in that way" I said while I gave him a confused look
"I don't know how I'm feeling Taylor I tried to work it out while you were in a coma but it just didn't make sense to me but in the end I don't want to get too close to you because I'll just hurt you and you don't deserve that" he said making me more confused than ever
"What do you mean feelings what feelings did you need to work out?" I replied
"My feelings towards you Taylor"
My face dropped I didn't know what to say but came up with something anyway "so your saying you might like me but you don't know?"
"That's exactly right I'm not used to these feelings and you really scared me when you went in a coma and I realised just how special you are and how badly I messed up I lost a really good friend and then realised a whole lot more I don't usually kiss my friends I kiss random bitches but I don't know why I kissed you and I can't seem to get you out of my bed I was here first thing in the morning and last thing at night every single day but then again I can't and don't want to hurt you because I know if we get to close I'll do that to you and I guess I just need time to figure out what these feelings are"
I was honestly speechless
"Thankyou I think we'll let me know when you work out your feelings and what that kiss was even about but this doesn't sound like you at all casey so it must of meant something" I said shrugging my shoulders
"I know" he said as he sighed and walked out of the room not looking back.

I was so damn confused casey black might have feelings but is unsure? What does that even mean, man I had so many questions yet again but this time casey and I both couldn't answer them.