Live to fight and fight to live

13 // what does this mean?

I woke up to Casey waking me up by shaking me, I rubbed my eyes and looked out the window and it was still dark so why the fuck was he waking me up this early? I had a quick glance at the clock and it only read 5am

"Why the fuck did you wake me up this damn early" I said as I followed Casey to the kitchen so we didn't wake everyone up
"Because I woke up from a nightmare and wanted some alone time with you before everyone else woke up" he replied looking to the ground shyly I was kind of taken back from him wanting alone time with me
"Wanna talk about the nightmare?"
"Nah rather not" he said shrugging
I nodded and decided to not push further if he wanted to talk about it he would.

We stayed silent for a few moments just looking into each other eyes it was kind of weird it felt like we were having some kind of moment but I don't know if thag was just some trick playing in my brain.

We sat down on the cold tiles against the wall in the kitchen just talking about random things and listening to music each having one earphone each, I enjoyed spending time with Casey and if you asked me that about a month ago I would of laughed at you and said that I hated the guy and couldn't stand to be around him more than a few minutes but now he was becoming my bestfriend and I just got used to his annoying self.
"You know your really nice and quiet amazing" he said out of the blue I was shocked at what jusg came out of his mouth
"Ah thanks" I replied looking at him confused
"What?" He asked lifting his eyebrows
"Nothing thag was just random"
"It's just the truth sunshine" he said giving me a wink which just caused me to roll my eyes
But before I could even respond Casey pulled me into a slow but yet passion kiss, which even surprised me more but that's what he was full of tonight surprises, I'll admit it I did enjoy every bit of it but this is Casey Black we're talking about the biggest player and it was hard to tell if he meant this kiss and actually wanted to do it for other reasons or if it was just his old player self doing all the talking but at thag moment none of that mattered, all that mattered was us two and that kiss we shared, after a few minutes he pulled away with a smirk on his face and this one time that didn't annoy me and I returned the smile.

After a while everyone started to slowly wake up so I decided to cook everyone pancakes for breakfast, I was in my own little world today but could you really blame me? All I could think about is what Casey and I shared, what was he thinking what happened we had a moment a million things were running through my head with no answers to them, Casey made conversation with the boys and didn't talk to me all that much which made me think even more did he even enjoy it or want it did he even like it or has he already forgotten all about it or is he just pretending that it never happened?

"Hey girl are you okay?" Charlotte said giving me a hug from behind
"Yeah I'm fine"
"No your not babe what's wrong?" I hated that Charlotte knew me too well sometimes and she definitely knew when I wasn't okay
"I'll tell you later"
"Okay" she said still hugging me from behind
I didn't know why that kiss bothered me so much, his words kept replaying in my head and so did that kiss.

After making pancakes for everyone and overthinking everything that has happened I finally served breakfast we all sat around the kitchen bench on stools and if Casey couldn't sit any further away from me..
"This is so good tay" Caleb said pulling me out of my thoughts once again
"Thanks cal" I replied looking at the food on my plate
"I agree" Luke said with a mouthful of food in his mouth which made us all laugh, even if I didn't feel like laughing my friends always made me laugh at there stupidity and there dumb things they do.

As we ate breakfast in silence I couldn't stop myself from giving Casey a few glances not that he noticed or anything because he hasn't said or looked at me since it happened which wasn't Casey like, ahh why is this boy driving me crazy?

After we finished our breakfast mostly everyone beside Charlotte and Kyle packed there bags and got ready to leave as everyone had different things to do for the day, we all said our goodbyes and I knew what was about to come, Casey said bye to everyone beside me what the fuck was his problem? He says those words and kiss me than act like I don't exist?
"Now thag everyone is gone what the fuck happened between you and Casey?" Char said while crossing her arms
"How do you know it has anything to do with Casey?" I replied
"Because you both didn't talk and were both very distant with each other this morning which is not like you both at all" Charlotte said
Fuck why did she have to know me so damn well?
"What she said" Kyle said crossing his arms
I rolled my eyes and started to tell them what happened this morning both of their eyes widen
"Babe he's a player what did you expect to happen? Charlotte said
"I know but it felt so real it felt like he meant it but I guess maybe I just wished that he did"
"Tay casey will always be a player you can't let him fool you otherwise" Kyle said
"I guess your right" I said looking to the ground
"Do you like him tay?" Kyle said
"What no" I said while laughing
"Then why is this upsetting you so much if you don't like him?" Charlotte said
"I don't know"
"It probably means your just denying your feelings from him" Kyle said
"No I can't like Casey"
"I know you can't but that doesn't mean you don't" Charlotte replied
I rolled my eyes and didn't say anything I didn't know what to say did I like casey black? I didn't even know the answer to my own damn question
"It will be okay babe" Charlotte said as she pulled me into a hug
"I hope so"
"Your strong tay and you always figure out what to do" Kyle said as he joined into our hug
"Thanks guys"

We watched a movie and talked for abit they didn't want to leave straight away since I was upset and they knew I needed them this is why I loved these two they were always there, after the movie finished they decided to go home
"Call is if you need us" Kyle said as I followed them out the front to say goodbye
"I will thankyou"
They both pulled me into a hug and as I took a few more steps I saw casey making out with some chick in his front yard, I knew it was too good to be true, why did I think I was any different?
He obviously saw me staring and gave me a wink before his lips met his bimbo again I rolled my eyes waved Charlotte and Kyle off and ran to my bedroom, I locked my bedroom door so no one would come and annoy me I couldn't be bothered dealing with people for the rest of the day or even the questions they could possibly throw at me, I felt like casey black just ripped my heart out of my chest but why did I feel this way? Eh maybe char and Kyle were right and I do like him but I can't because liking a playboy won't go well at all as you could probably already tell.

As I was laying in my bed staring at the roof in my own thoughts, I turned my head towards casey room next door to already see him staring at me, I got up and shut my curtains and as I did thag he gave me a wink, why did he have to be everywhere I am? As I walked over to my bed my phone went off I picked it up and saw that casey had message me I rolled my eyes as I read it
"What's up with you" it read
I replied with a simple "leave me alone"
But he obviously didn't get what that meant since he kept messaging me and when I didn't answer he called me a few time
"Come on tay what's wrong?"
"Don't ignore me"
"I know your reading these"
All the messages read plus more
I had enough and decided to give up and just reply back and then maybe he would leave me alone
"Just the fact you kiss me tell me I'm pretty all this shit and then go hook up with another bimbo lol"
"What do you expect from me? I'm a player after all" he replied back which just made me roll my eyes
"Yeah but I thought we were meant to be friends so why the fuck did you kiss me in the first place"
"We are friends it was in the moment it's just what I do"
"Lol yeah but you shouldn't do it to your friends and then hook up with someone else the same bloody day"
"Why are you getting so upset over this? You knew I was a player you should know this is jusg the shit I do"
"But doing it to a so called friend is just another level now leave me alone"
"I'm sorry I didn't realise it would hurt you so much"
"No your not what did you expect"
"Why do you even care"
I just ignored that last message I couldn't be bothered to deal with him anymore as much as I hated to admit it he hurt me even if I knew he was a player why didn't I know better? Why did I actually think that it would of mean something to him?
After all he is just a player that likes to fuck with girls feelings but I never thought he would do it to me to his friend.

And to think I was starting to be able to stand to be around him.