Live to fight and fight to live

14 // alive or lifeless?

It's been about a week since I properly spoke to casey, he's tried to message and call me he's even tried to come over to 'see Mitchell' and try to talk to me but Everytime he did I just brushed him off, as hard as it was to not be around his stupid jokes and his funny comments what he did really hurt me and I needed time.

Unfortunately though my mother cane home today, the whole damn neighbourhood would of been able to tell that she came home as she made one of her scenes straight away
"Why the fuck is the house a mess why is there no alcohol and no damn food cooked" she yelled out for everyone to hear her, the house was cleaned it wasn't our job to make sure she had alcohol and it wasn't our job to make her food even if we didn't know that she was going to be home
I ran down the stairs to yell back at her because I've had enough of it
"Would you shut the fuck up the house is cleaned how were we meant to know when you were coming home you took off with no word and it's not our job to support your fucked it habit" I screamed
"Is that anyway to talk to your mother" she said getting up in my face
"I'll let you on a little secret you lost the duty to be able to call you our mother when you started acting like a little brat"
She put her hand up and went to punch me but Mitchell came running over and pushed me to the side
"Don't you dare fucking hit my sister she's meant to be your damn daughter and you treat her like she's a stranger on the road and like you have no respect for her" Mitchell yelled
"I don't have any respect for her" she replied laughing
"Well you should since she's the one that cares for your fucking kids" Mitchell replied
"I don't have any kids" she said once again laughing
"Then get the fuck out and never come back" I yelled out
"Last time I checked this is my house"
"Funny thing is you wouldn't be living here if it wasn't for us we pay our way to have this roof over our heads and what do you do fucking nothing so get the fuck out I don't want to see your ugly head anymore" I said
She went to punch me again but Mitchell stood in the way and just like that she stormed out of the house, some people didn't deserve to have kids and she sure as hell was one of them
"You okay sis?" Mitchell asked as I was frozen in the same spot
"Fine I'm going out" I said shrugging my shoulders and leaving the house.

I jogged out of my street, I couldn't be home at this moment after that my own fucking mother went to hit me, who did she think she was I get dad leaving us changed everything about her and made her a different person but this was going on for too long and she was taking it too far to nearly hit her own daughter and to tell us she didn't have any kids was beyond fucked.

I didn't want to kick her out of her own house but what other choice did I have? That could of been miles jackson or jade and I couldn't allow that to happen, she had no control over what she was doing or maybe she just simply didn't care that she was tearing us apart even more.

I just kept running I didn't want to be anywhere near that hell hole I didn't even care where I was going, I was too busy crying and in my thoughts to even think about how far I was running away from home.

I was so overwhelmed with everything that has Been happening between casey and my mum the only good thing that was going on in my life was that miles was getting better.

I finally reached some park I've never seen before I knew I needed a break from running so I could a seat on one of the closes benches and I let the tears fall as I looked out to the playground of kids playing and families chasing their kids, how u wished life was that simple, staring at the happy families made me cry even more, it made me remember when our dad loved us and our mum was a good mum and would try to do things with us it reminded me of the times they took Mitch sash and I to the park and our many laughs we shared, when we were actually a normal happy family but how things changed..

Our dad left us and he didn't even realised how ducked up he made our family.. how he made our mother turn into a cow that only cared about herself and alcohol, how he made Mitchell start fighting just so he could provide for his family, how he made sasha have two jobs and not enough time for herself because she just wanted to help our family, how he made me care for the younger kids and take all the abuse, how he made miles turned into someone he wasn't and only took it out on his family, how he made jackson scared and think everyone was just going to leave and how he made jade miss out on her childhood.

How he ducked up so many things without even knowing it and how he changed every single one of us, for what exactly? A younger bitch and two other damn kids

It only made me think if he did a better job with them too or just betrayed them like he did to us.

I felt so damn alone and like I couldn't count on anyone these days yeah I had some amazing friends that were supportive but how exactly could I lean on them about all this bullshit? About how fucked up my life was when only Charlotte knew just how bad it was but yet again she had her own shit to deal with and I just didn't want to bother her with mine.

I stayed at the park for a few more moments staring out to space in my thoughts and not being able to stop crying when I finally decided it was time to go home since it was getting late, my vision was blurry from all the crying I was doing and I was just thinking to myself this is going to be one hell of a walk home since I could hardly see and dine fuck knows how far I ran away from home.

I wasn't really paying much attention to my surroundings on my walk home, I had my head down still deeply in thoughts this day was horrible and I just couldn't wait to get into my own bed now but suddenly I felt a big bump hit me which was a car I just go fucking hit by a car and before I could even process what was happening and call out for help after the shock kicked in everything just went black...