Project: Make Him Fall (Completed)

Chapter 30: END

It’s been four years since I’ve met her. I can still remember the way she walked into our class everyday wearing the same frown on her face. No one dared talking to her because our classmates think that she is weird. For me she is never weird. I saw her cry once and that was all I need to go to her and talk to her.

I don't know but there is something about her. Every day with her is still as fresh in my mind as if it was just yesterday. The way she walks, talk and smile. Lynell became my bestfriend afterwards. She is really fun to be with. Nalaman ko na kaya siya umiiyak kasi iniwan siya ng boyfriend niya. Well, guess what. Just 4 years ago ako ang nagpatahan sa kanya pero ngayon ako naman ang dahilan ng pagiyak niya.

She shouldn’t have fall for me. I don’t deserve her love. After all, I was a gay. Yes was. Since I introduced her to some of my guy friends, palagi na nila ako pinipilit na isama siya sa mga lakad namin. I know their motive. They like her kaya ginawa ko ang lahat para tantanan na nila si Lynell. Bigla akong nainis, nainis not just because I’m protective of my bestfriend but before I knew it, gusto ko na pala siya and I was too stubborn to admit it to myself.

I hate it that they always give her attention. They always flirt with her and she flirted back! I wanted to punch all the guys that are flirting with her for fuck’s sake! Pero hindi ko magawa dahil ang alam ng lahat bading ako. I even hated myself for liking her. Alam kong wala akong magagawa para sa kanya. Ang tanging nagagawa ko lang ay ang saktan siya.

And I don’t know if Vivien is doing it all on purpose but one time she asked me to bring Lynell to a party so I did. I never thought that she will introduce her to Gabriel! He is a playboy and I know that all the flirting that Gabriel is doing to Lynell is just to get her and then later on he will drop her like an old toy! I was so mad but I couldn’t say it loud.

I’m afraid that the truth will scare her away. I didn’t mean to kiss her that night. Maraming beses kong pinigilan ang sarili kong halikan siya pero nung gabing ‘yun I was so mad at her for going out and coming home late! And she had been drinking! Paano nalang kung may nangyari sa kanya sa labas. I was actually waiting for her na umuwi and you don’t know how relieved I was when she got home.

I shouldn’t have kissed her! Damn it. It was all the alcohol’s fault! Maraming beses kong pinagsisihan na hinalikan ko siya at hindi lang halik ang nagawa namin. Fuck. That was the night that something happened between us. Pero hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang itsura niya nung gabing 'yun. She was so beautiful, she always is.

After that I decided that I should already tell her. I wanted to tell her that I love her, I want her. She is everything I hoped for and everything I needed. Siya lang ay okay na ako. Damn I only need her in my life.

But instead of saying how much I love her, I ended up saying sorry to her. I wanted to say sorry for the pain that I’ve caused her these past few years pero hindi ko na nasundan ‘yun and I regret everything I said. Pero napaisip ako na siguro mas mabuti para sa kanya ‘yun dahil mas masasaktan ko lang siya kung patuloy pa rin kaming magsasama.

I know that she left. Iniwan na niya ako. Rinig na rinig ko ang pagsara ng pinto niya. Kilalang kilala ko siya. I know that she will be leaving pagkatapos kong sabihin ‘yon. She was hurt big time. Gusto ko sana siyang pigilan but I know I shouldn’t. Kung ‘yun ang mas makakabuti then bakit ko siya pipigilan.