Project: Make Him Fall (Completed)

Chapter 14: Ex

It's funny how you think you actually mean something to someone and they just turn around and prove you wrong.

Last night was never a mistake to me but all I can say is that blame it on the alcohol. But not to blame the person who did the act. I mean, diba hindi naman mangyayari ang isang bagay kung hindi mo naman talaga ginusto.

Hindi ko pinagsisihan na may nangyari sa amin ni Mark. I'm officially not a virgin anymore. Congratulations!

But thinking that he said sorry after makes it worse. Sorry lang ba palagi ang alam niyang sabihin? Sorry? Ha, I don't need his sorry.

For him siguro this was wrong. Maling mali! But for me, what happened last night was never wrong. I love him. Is that wrong? There is nothing wrong with loving a person and giving yourself to that person, right?

I started packing my things kahit na hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. I just want to be out of this house. Maybe space and time is really what I need. What we need. After what happened last night, I need to think things over.

Buong magdamag ko rin 'tong pinagisipan. I hate to do this but I have to. After niya magsorry ay iniwan ko na siya doon sa kwarto niya and I even banged the door at his face. Mas matatanggap ko pa siguro kung hindi nalang siya nagsalita and just pretended that last night didn't happen pero hindi, e.

I got this feeling that I'm becoming too dependent on him and I don't like  it. I was never the dependent type. Simula dati palang ay independent na ako. Ayaw kong nasasanay sa mga bagay na hindi ko kayang mawala. Ad I'm starting to become that person I hate.

I just packed a few. Ayaw kong mahassle in case na wala akong mapuntahan. Well, atleast hindi ako mabigatan kasi konti lang ang dinala ko.

I was really trying to be quiet until I finally got out of his house. Our house.

Buti nalang ay hindi siya nagising. Dahil hindi pa ako ready makaharap siya if ever.

Huminga ako ng malalim at nilingon ko pa ng isang beses ang bahay before I started walking out. Walking out from his life.

I need to do this. I want to do this.

'This is just a phase Lynell. Sooner or later you'll get over it.' I told myself as I walk.

Tumambay muna ako sa isang coffee shop but I made sure na malayo ito sa village namin. I don't want Mark to find me.

I ordered myself a cup of coffee and sat there and recall the events that happened last night.

In just one night, ang daming nangyari. I can't even believe that it actually happened. Feeling ko kasi para lang akong nanaginip.

But I know better. The sore down there is telling me that it really did happen. Damn it!

I was in deep thoughts when suddenly someone called out my name. Akala ko kapangalan ko lang and so I ignored it.