Project: Make Him Fall (Completed)

Chapter 16: One More Chance

Not all people got to have second chances. Second chances are very rare. Hindi lahat ng tao ay kayang magbigay ng pangalawang pagkakataon sa taong nanakit sa kanila lalo na kung the first was too painful to bear. Naisip ko lang ‘to bigla because I’m watching my all time favorite movie, One More Chance. It just so happen na pinapalabas siya sa TV.

Napaisip ako kung willing ba akong bigyan si Mark ng second chance. I mean, I was hurt. Big time. Mahirap tanggapin na kahit anong gawin ko, kahit ano pang effort ko, wala pa ring magbabago. Gusto niya nandyan ako pero wala. In the end, ganon pa rin!

I’m not afraid to try again, I’m just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason. Kasi kung bibigyan ko pa siya ng isa pang pagkakataon, para bang hindi na ako natuto tuto sa gagawin ko!

Then here goes Derek Ramsey line. “Minsan it’s better for two people to break up, so they can grow up. It takes grown ups to make relationship work.”

Yes, lately I’ve been thinking a lot. About sa amin ni Mark, about sa lahat. Pag kasama ko kasi siya, pakiramdam ko kaya kong tiisin ang lahat pero ngayon napagtanto ko na hindi pwedeng ako lang ang gagawa ng paraan. He should too. After all, kaming dalawa ang involve dito. We can never be friends. Hindi na kami makakabalik sa dati after nong nangyari sa amin.

I still remember that I used to watch this movie with Mark. Ang favorite scene pa nga namin ay ‘yung nasa hospital sila and Popoy said that kaya tayo iniiwan ng taong mahal natin kasi baka merong darating na mas okay, na mas mamahalin tayo.

I’m still waiting for that day and that person to come. 4 years. Apat na taon umikot ang mundo ko sa taong hindi ako mamahalin. I don’t care about the others, I just want him.

It felt really weird to be watching this movie with Toby. He’s my ex for pete’s sake! Kung hindi ba naman awkward! Pero hindi naman siya nanonood. He’s facing the screen but his mind is wandering around!

Inabutan niya lang ako ng tissue without even looking at me nang mapansing nakikiiyak ako sa scene ni Maja at ni John Lloyd. We stayed like that hanggang sa natapos ang movie.

“Can I have my second chance with you?”

I was stunned for a moment, unable to say something. Speak Lynell!

“W-what?” Shit, what’s with the stuttering!

“Nevermind. Go to sleep, Lynell.”

Hindi ako kumilos. I don’t know how to respond. He made it less awkward when he told me to go to sleep but I know I can’t. Stop running away, Lynell! Toby has been so good to me. Ayaw ko siyang ireject pero ayaw ko rin siyang umasa. I know the feeling. Alam na alam ko!

“You know what?” Nilingon niya ako, “When I first saw you in that café, I told myself na babawiin kita. Inisip ko pa kung meant to be ba talaga tayo.” Then he laughed. “I want you to be my girl again. But then again, anong karapatan ko? Sinaktan kita! Dun palang talo na ako! Alam kong hindi na pwede, wala nang pag-asa.. It’s a suicide mission.. The day I let you go, alam kong mahihirapan akong makuha ka ulit. I want you but I can’t.”

“Talo na ako. Alam kong hindi na ako ang laman ng puso mo. Masaya ka na sa kanya, e. I know where you will be happy and clearly, that’s not here. Gusto kitang pigilan but I-I don’t want to see you hurting again. I may be badass but I’m not that bad.” Ngumiwi siya. “Remember when I told you that you deserve someone better?”

Tumango lang ako. I want to ask him questions pero pinili ko munang manahimik. I want him to talk. It’s always him who listens to my rants and problems and now, it’s about time na siya naman ang pakinggan ko.

“The truth is, I want you to have fun. College can be fun, you know that. Hindi ko ‘to sinabi sayo because I know how stubborn you are!” Then I saw him smiled. It melts my heart to see Toby’s smile. “Ayaw kong matali ka sa akin at hindi maenjoy ang college mo because of me. Kilala kita, iikot ang mundo mo sa isang tao at wala ka nang pakialam sa ibang bagay. You have to remember, there are more out there. I want you to see the fun.”

By this time, nangingilid na ang luha ko at kinakailangan ko pang magangat ng ulo para hindi sila bumagsak. I never thought of that way. All this time, ang akala ko ay rason lang niya ‘yon para maalis ako sa buhay niya. Akala ko ayaw na niya sa akin. Fuck, mali nanaman ako!

Totoo, naenjoy ko ang college life ko. College was really fun! All those parties and fooling around. I enjoyed it! I’m more than thankful that he gave me the chance to experience all the fun in college. College was one hell of a roller coaster ride! Tama rin siya na iikot lang sa kanya ang mundo ko. When I like a person kasi, I tend to give my all to them. Binibigay ko ng buo ang atensyon ko para sa taong ’yun. And dun ako nagkamali because on the process of that, nakakalimutan ko nang isipin ang sarili ko. At sa huli, wala nang matitira sa akin.

Maybe this time, it’s time that I choose myself, ‘di ba? I’ve had enough of all shits that are happening to me. Hindi naman ako sobrang martyr para tiisin pa rin ang lahat ng sakit. Dahil kung gusto talaga ako ni Mark, I believe that kayang kaya niyang gawan ng paaran ‘yun.

I was wrong to think that I’ll never get tired of his shits. Akala ko lang pala ‘yun because right now, I am. It’s about time to choose myself.

I stood up and smiled at Toby. Really smiled this time. Hindi fake, hindi pretend. I noticed that I haven’t really smiled these past weeks that I’ve been away. “Thank you, Toby.”