Project: Make Him Fall (Completed)

Chapter 21: Hello reality

If I have to say one word to describe Toby, it will be nice and any other synonyms of nice. Being with Toby is really comfortable. It feels like home. Everything about Toby always makes me feel better. Every single time. That’s the deal with having Toby around. Palaging may sense of comfort, pakiramdam mo palagi kang safe and far from danger.

Yeah, far from Mark, the danger. Everything about Mark shouts danger. If being with Toby makes me feel better, by being with Mark always makes me feel the best of all. No comfort words, no hugs, just mere truth. That’s it! And just by that, it also makes everything so…exciting! Parang pakiramdam ko when I’m with Mark palaging may bago, Mark is just a person that is full of surprises but also full of danger, he’s the kid your parents warn you about. Yeah, the badass!

Now, that’s their difference. And it’s either you want the nice guy or the bad guy. As for me, I chose to be with the bad guy. I don’tknow why people always choose to be with the bad guys than the nice guy though. But why did I choose Mark? Simple, there is something about him that Toby doesn’t have.

I have been thinking lately that I should hangout more with Toby. My instinct is telling me that hindi na kami matagal magsasama. Alam kong may pinaplano na si Mark para bumalik ako. Hindi siya magpapatalo ng ganun ganun lang. That’s why I love him. He’s brave and if he want something, he always make sure to get it no matter what.

At alam kong hindi lang ako ang nakakaramdam non kasi bigla akong niyaya ni Toby lumabas ngayon at kahit hindi niya sabihin, alam kong alam niyang nanggaling sa bahay si Mark. At kanina pa rin ako naiirita dahil pinili niyang iwan ang kotse niya which, according to him, maganda daw ang panahon and we should walk. Pero wala siyang plano kung saan kami kakain and so we just keep walking.

God knows how I hate walking the most.

“Ano ba,” I stopped walking. “Kanina pa tayo naglalakad eh. Ano na?”

Huminto siya to face me at nakuha pa niya akong nginitian sa lagay namin bago siya ulit dumiretso sa lakad niya. Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang sumunod sa kanya pero padabog ko itong ginawa habang nagrereklamo.

“God! I don’t even know this place! Ano ba kasi gusto mo?”

Nilingon niya akong muli at nginitian bago nagsalita. “Ikaw,”

Sana pala hindi ko na tinanong! Mas gusto kopa na ngitian lang niya ako at hindi nalang sumagot! I was again stuck in an awkward situation. Note to self: Should ask the girls kung paano nila naoovercome ang ganitong klaseng situation.

Nakangiti parin siya sa akin as if hindi niya napapansin na nasa isang awkward situation ako kaya tumawa ako ng malakas at hinampas ko siya sa braso. Lang hiya! Nagugutom na ako tapos babanatan pa niya ako ng ganyan!

He chuckled and I don’t know if confused ba siya or amused pero nagsalita pa rin siya. “Ikaw, ikaw bahala..”

My face reddened seconds after nagprocess sa utak ko ang sinabi niya. Damn! Nakakahiya! Hinampas ko siya ng isapang beses bago ko siya nilagpasan and when I heard his footsteps behind me mas binilisan ko pa ang lakad ko. Ayaw kong maabutan niya akong namumula pa ang mukha sa hiya!

Just when I thought tapos na akong mamula he said another thing that made my face red again. “Feeling mo talaga kahit kailan! Epekto ba yan ng pagiging heartbroken mo?”

I groaned as he teased me more until makarating kami sa kakainan namin. Jusko! Kung alam ko lang na isang fastfood chain lang ang babagsakan namin I should have known! Natulog nalang ako sa bahay at hindi pa ako napahiya!

Hanggang sa pagorder ay niloloko niya ako kaya ako na ang umorder para sa sarili ko pero he insisted on paying. Hindi na ako tumanggi, libre e!

xx

At the end of the day, pinagusapan pa rin namin ang topic na pilit namin iniiwasan all day. And the topic is no other than Mark at ang paguwi ko.

Hinawakan niya ang braso ko when I was about to go to my room. Makakahinga na sana ako ng maluwag but no luck. Better luck next time nalang siguro.

“Go home.” He sighed. Shock was evident on my face the moment he said that. He wanted me to go home?

“Look, as much as I wanted you here, alam natin pareho na hindi pwede dahil one way or another, kukunin ka pa rin niya and,” Tumingala siya sa ceiling. “You will want to go home ‘coz you miss him.”

Gusto kong itanong kay Toby kung hindi ba siya napapagod ipagtulakan ako sa iba. I can almost feel his despair dahilpareho lang kami ng lagay. We both want a person whom we know we can’t have. Ayaw niya akong umalis pero at the same time gusto niya. Alam ko naman na nahihirapan rin siya sa tuwing nakikita niya ako.

It’s like we’re so close yet so far. Nandito lang ako yet parang napakalayo ko at mahirap abutin. ‘Yan rin ang nararamdaman ko towards Mark.

“Are you driving me away para makapagdala ka na ng babae dito?” I joked to ease the situation.

“Lynell.” He said with much seriousness so I raised my hands up for defense. “Alright, alright. Grumpy grandpa!”

He snorted and rolled his eyes at me. He hates it when I teased him for being so grumpy at times. “I will, Toby. Naghahanap lang ako ng tamang panahon. Pero alam kong malapit na ‘yun. ‘Wag ka na mainip dyan! Konting panahon nalang makakapagdala ka na ng babae dito sa unit mo!” I said as I started walking towards the direction of my room.

Pero bago ako tuluyang makapasok sa room ko, sinilip ko siya one last time and said, “Tsaka ‘wag mo ko masyado mamiss ha!”

Pagkasara ko ng pinto ay humiga agad ako sa kama. Actually I lied when I said na kailangan ko pa ng panahon dahil alam ko na kung kalian.

I cuddled around the bed for some seconds while trying to remember everything about this house. I will miss everything about this house. The way the house smell, the coffee smell every morning at lalong lalo na ang naging kama ko for some months.

And of course, I will miss Toby. I will miss his constant forgetting of stocking the ref, his carefree look when he’s not all grumpy, his attitude of teasing me whenever I spaced out and his hatred towards chick flick movies. In short, I will miss my friend, my bestest-bestfriend.

I bring out a pen and a paper and write all the things that I want to say to Toby. Alright, I’m chicken out, okay? I can’t face him and tell him I’m leaving. How can you face a person then tell them you're leaving diba! At hindi ko rin masasabi lahat ng gusto kong sabihin kung kaharap ko na siya. Baka isang ‘thank you’ lang ang masabi ko if ever!

Good bye, this time it’s really good bye.

And it’s time to face the reality!