𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐓- 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝟏

Diamond In The Rough!

"And this is our kitchen, where we also eat" Gloria announced, "Who are you talking to"? I asked, "It looks like you've lost you're tour" Manny added, "Or your mind" Jay chuckled looking up from the newspaper he was reading. "The baby! Shorty's girlfriend Darlene sent it to me, she said it's for prenatal bonding. I love it, we took a tour of the house, we took a look at all my shoes. Come on Jay...say something to the baby" Gloria smiled passing the microphone to Jay. 

"Darlene's an idiot" Jay huffed, "Oh, yeah, beautiful, your first words to our baby, 'Darlene is an idiot'"! Gloria sighed, "This is stupid, the baby's only two inches away, he doesn't need speaker's blasting at him, like in restaurants nowadays where you can't even hear yourself think. Ah, you're gonna do whatever you want, why do I bother"? Jay questioned walking away. 

"Get use to that" I laughed into the microphone, "Sometimes you just gotta let him go" Manny chuckled, "Then he eats some sherbet and falls asleep" I laughed, "Mm-hmm" Manny and Gloria nodded. 

Luke and Manny were practicing for their game they had later on, Luke threw the ball to Manny, "You gotta keep your eyes open" I laughed, "It's not natural when a ball is hurtling at your face" Manny huffed, "Will you choke up a little"? Luke sighed. "Probably when they play the national anthem" Manny nodded, "No...move your hands up the bat" I smiled, "'When they play the national anthem'" Luke mocked. 

"Alright, ready? Luke, Nice and easy" I smiled, Luke pretended to through it and Manny quickly flinched, "I haven't even thrown it yet"! Luke whined, "Then it's your fault, I'm doing my part" Manny sassed, "Forget it, we need to do something different, let's change your stance...try leaning in" I suggested. "Further...further, now close your eyes" Luke instructed, Manny shut his eyes tightly and Luke threw the ball even though it hit Manny pretty hard he still hit it, "Ow" Manny yelped. 

"Perfect! You think you can do that every time"? Luke asked, "What? Get hit on purpose"? Manny yelled, "If you wanna get on base and be a hero some men are born into greatness, others have it chucked at their face" Luke shrugged chucking the ball at Manny's face again. "Ow"! Manny huffed wiping his eye, "Yes"! Luke cheered. 

I was making a sandwich and Jay was still reading his newspaper, Gloria walked in singing, "Hush little baby don't say a word. Papa's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if the mocking bird won't sing, Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring...and if the Billy goat won't push, Papa's gonna get every le-" Gloria sang but was cut off by Jay. "I'll tell you what Papa's gonna do! He's gonna take a turn on that mic" Jay smiled. 

Gloria was good at a lot of things, shopping, cooking, make up but singing, no. "Oh really"? Gloria squealed, "Yeah, I've been thinking if it's a chance to bond, I should take it" Jay nodded, "Ay, Jay that's great, I think the sound of my voice shouldn't be the only thing the baby should hear" Gloria smiled, "Same page" I nodded. 

"Breaker! Breaker! Big Jay. Baby, what's your twenty? Over" Jay chuckled into the microphone, "Ay , that's so cute, you sound like Smokey and the Bandito, go on, go on" Gloria cheered. "Hi Kid, this is your Dad, Jay Pritchett, uh, we're all pretty excited to meet you, just a heads up, I might be a few years older than you're expecting, but on the plus side, we're very comfortable" Jay laughed, Gloria and I laughed too. "What's that...nothing...tough womb" I joked putting my ear up to Gloria's bump.

"What are you doing in there? You sleeping? " Jay chuckled, "Ay, Can I "? Gloria whispered, she took the mic, "Are you sleeping, are you-" Gloria began to sing, "Ah! Ah! Ah! Still Daddy's turn" Jay huffed taking the mic off her. 

"...leaving seventeen dead and thousand..." Jay carried on reading, he had been reading for a long forty five minutes, "Jay please"! I begged, "It's bad that the baby listens to such terrible things" Gloria frowned, "it's heard worse" Jay whispered looking at me. Manny walked in carrying his baseball top, "Jay, do you know a good one hour dry cleaner, and I don't mean the 'must be in by ten, only on weekdays, you need a coupon' kind"? Manny asked.

"He means a hard one hour" I sighed, "This conversation feels like a hard one hour" Jay grumbled, "What do you need it cleaned for? It's spotless" I asked, "There's mustard here from Reuben's Reuben-" Manny began, "Yeah...Reuben's Rueben" I mumbled, "That's what happens when you put a narcissist in charge of snack day" Manny huffed. 

"Okay, it's my turn again...baby, it's you're mother again, I'm-" Gloria began, "Gloria...why don't we give him a break, he probably needs a minute" Jay frowned, "Yep, he's just learned about a deadly tornado" I nodded, "Okay, stop calling him a he, what if he's a she and you're making her upset"? Gloria questioned, "I told you that's just the shorthand I'm using, don't jump down my throat..." Jay whined, then Gloria and him started arguing. 

"What are you doing? Do you really want your unborn baby to hear you fighting like this"? I asked putting my hands on my hips, "Studies show that it's unhealthy for a fetus to be expose to a stressful environment"! Manny huffed, "Studies? You're fourteen get a comic book? What time does you're game start"? Jay questioned, "I have to be there at three for hitting practice" Manny frowned, "Batting practice"! I reminded. 

"Jay, I don't want our baby to think that it's coming into an unhappy home, let's promise that we're never ever going to fight in front of him" Gloria smiled, "All right, no fighting in front of the baby" Jay repeated, "Okay, good...twinkle twinkle little lamb, I'm going to-" Gloria began to sing, I jumped up and Jay looked at me, "Gloria stop it! Stop it, no more singing" I begged, "Why"? Gloria frowned, "Because you stink, you're a terrible singer, come on, let's get some lunch"! Jay suggested. 

"How dare! Do you- Ah! Ah! Ah! I know! Ay"! Gloria yelled, "Ah! Ah! AH! No fighting in front of the baby, we just made a deal" Jay reminded, "But that's not fair because I am always in front of the baby"! Gloria whisper yelled, "Gloria...you're as close to perfect a woman can get" I smiled, "But there's nothing wrong with a little, tiny, flaw, yours is when you start to sing, it sounds like something got stuck in the vacuum cleaner-" Jay began, "That's it you're just-"! Gloria yelled. 

"No, No, No" I whispered, "That's just you're stupid stupid opinion Jay, but I am very angry at you, and I am gonna make a list of all the things that I am going to scream at you as soon as this baby is out of me " Gloria smiled angrily, I gulped down,  Jay looked scared too. 

Me, Jay and Gloria were sitting on the chairs watching the match, "Please rise for the national anthem" The referee declared, Gloria stood up and walked to the front, "I'm gonna show you who can sing" Gloria hissed, "Gloria"! I called, "Oh, this is gonna be rough" Jay sighed. 

It was...painfully good.