|| SamBucky (WinterFalcon Oneshots) ||

A Heart That Always Understands Also Gets Tired.

1 time Sam is there for Bucky. And the 1 time Bucky is there for Sam.

Sam knows there's something wrong with Bucky. He looks more tense, like his body is readying itself for an invisible threat. It never fails to make Sam angry on Bucky's behalf. From what Steve had told him, and the little snippets from late night talks with Bucky, James used to be so comfortable in his own skin. He was confident, and always had Steve's back. It makes Sam angry because nobody deserves what Bucky went through. Bucky's shoulders slumped, a haunted look in his eyes as he zones out. It worries Sam. Bucky has been doing well, settling in nicely with Sam's family. It felt right. Like Bucky was always a part of the Wilson's. Sam swallows his mouthful of coffee before making his way over Bucky, lips turned into a small frown. 

"Hey, man. You okay?" He asks, eyes full of love and concern for the asshole he's grown to care for. It's funny in a way. It's like Bucky wormed his way into Sam's heart with his witty comebacks and infuriating, know-it-all smirk. To see him so... So defeated hurts Sam. He places his hand on the small of James's back, leading him out on the porch. The crisp, winter breeze nips at their skin, but Sam finds it relaxing, hoping the crickets and the gentle patter of rain will help lull Bucky into a sense of calm. Alpine follows after them, curling between Bucky's legs. Sam glances down at the feline, smiling softly. 

Bucky's silent for a moment, still staring out at the dark garden, letting the smell of petrichor invade his senses. Sam is a warm and steady presence beside him, always there for Bucky, even if he doesn't deserve it. "Just tired." Bucky murmurs, his mind racing as he struggles to string his thoughts together. He feels untethered, like if he blinks he'll float away. Sam nods, staring up at the starry sky. He stays silent, letting Bucky speak if he needs to. However, after a few moments of silence, Sam fills the silence. "How much sleep have you been getting?" He asks, letting Bucky's silence answer the question. He frowns, but continues to stay silent. Bucky doesn't need his pity. He needs support, and company.  

Bucky sighs, tired eyes boring into the depths of those brown eyes. Bucky could get lost in them. He averts his eyes, looking down at his hands. He's debating on whether or not he should tell Sam. He trusts him, with his life. Yet, Bucky finds himself hesitating. It's frustrating. Sam is nothing but patient. He has this warmth to him, like Bucky wants to spill all of his life secret's to Sam. He'd do anything for him. 

"Ah, no. I haven't. I keep thinking about my time as the Winter Soldier." He swallows thickly. "I try to remind myself that it wasn't me, that I was brainwashed." Bucky trails off, his mind flashing; gurgled cries for mercy, eyes wide with terror. Blood splattering and half-choked pleas. Screams of daughters finding their father dead. Hands roaming his body, invading and violating. 

Bucky inhales sharply. 

Sam frowns, placing his hand on Bucky's shoulder to ground him. "Where'd you go?" He murmurs, his voice low and gentle. It should be weird that Sam is speaking to a grown ass man like he's a child. Bucky is anything but. He's a man of war, torn down and rebuilt into something he wasn't programmed to be. 

Bucky closes his eyes, body trembling as his metal arm whirrs. Sam. Sam. Sam. Everything about Sam is grounding in a way Steve never was. Don't get him wrong. Steve was amazing, but he always looked at Bucky like he was someone else, and that fucks with his head. With Sam, he treats Bucky like he's a normal human being. He doesn't walk on egg shells, even if their first meeting was ripping the steering wheel out. It was kind of funny seeing Sam's face, looking back it at now... 

"I-... Shit, Sam. I don't know. I keep remembering what I had to go through." He clears his throat. 

For a moment, Bucky wonders if this is why Steve left. If he was too much to handle. 

Bucky dismisses that thought immediately. Bucky knew Steve's heart belonged to Peggy. Peggy was always his gal. He could see how much Steve missed her. Missed his timeline. But Bucky likes to think Steve left because he knew Sam would look after him, even if Bucky himself didn't know that at first. 

"What you went through was inhumane. Nobody deserved it. What matters the most, though, is that you're no longer the Winter soldier. You got your life back, and for that, I am so proud of you." For a moment, Bucky flounders. He doesn't know what to say. Or do. He's unused to people caring for him so deeply. It feels cathartic in a way, the way his chest hurts at the display of care. 

"Some days I don't feel like I'm strong. That I don't deserve to be here." Bucky trails off, sighing tiredly. "Sorry. You shouldn't listen to this. You've got enough shit going on as it is." Sam raises a hand, silencing Bucky. 

"It's okay to share your emotions, James." It feels weird hearing his full name from Sam's mouth. A part of him warms at the use of his real name, wants Sam to say his name forever. "I know you struggle with that kind of stuff. But you're allowed to feel, to grieve. I'm here for you because I care. Because I know what it feels like to not have that support." Sam says, trying to catch Bucky's gaze. 

"Hell, you don't even have to talk. If you just need to sit for a moment, that's fine too." Bucky feels his walls breaking, his vision blurring with tears as he lets his thoughts go. 

Silently, Sam brings Bucky in for a hug, his embrace warm and comforting. "I've got you, man." He whispers, and Sam holding Bucky is the only thing keeping James from falling apart entirely. He shudders, inhaling Sam's cologne before holding him just as tight. They stay like that the rest of the night. 

It's another late night, Sam sits on the porch swing, idly sipping from his steaming mug. He can't sleep. His mind keeps replaying the day's events on repeat, the terrifying sight of Bucky falling. He's safe now, probably asleep on the couch. Still, despite knowing Bucky is okay, he can't help but think about what would've happened had he not gotten there in time. One of Sam's biggesst fear is losing Bucky. It's a stupid thing. Bucky is a super-soldier. He's survived much worse. Still, he can't help but play out scenes where he didn't save Bucky in time. He's so lost in his head that he doesn't hear Bucky step out on the porch, settling down beside him. Tiredly, Sam glances up at Bucky, giving a wry smile. "Hey." He says, voice tired as he gazes out over the yard. 

"Hi." Bucky says, getting himself comfortable. "What are you doing up?" He asks, frowning slightly at Sam's dishevelled appearance. Sam huffs. "Can't sleep. Thinking about today's mission." He replies, taking another sip from his tea. His mind can't stop tormenting him with the what ifs. It's frustrating. 

Bucky's silent for a moment, his mind clicking. "About my fall?" Sam's clenched jaw is Bucky's answer. James sighs, wrapping his arm around Sam's shoulder. "I don't know, man. It's stupid. I mean, you're safe. But for some reason, I can't help but think what would've happened had I not made it in time. I know you can take most damage, but I still find myself worrying about you. And when I saw you get shoved off the tower, I was scared." He laughs bitterly. "It's stupid, I just can't stop thinking about it." He explains, rubbing his face tiredly. 

Bucky's silent for a moment. He's not very good at comforting people. He always tends to steer away, but seeing Sam look so defeated tugs at Bucky's heart-strings. He's come to care for the man. Dare he say love. 

"But I'm here, aren't I? What's the point of dwelling on the what ifs? I'm okay, Sam." He tries, stumbling over his words. Bucky feels so uncomfortable, but he doesn't want to leave Sam alone. Wants to pay back all the times Sam has been there for him, through thick and thin. 

Sam smiles slightly at the terrible attempt at comfort. "It's okay, Buck. If you're uncomfortable, you don't have to comfort me." Bucky sighs in frustration. "It's not that I'm uncomfortable-or, uh, I am, but I want to be there for you. You can only do so much, Sam. You do enough for me already. I'm a super-soldier, I don't always need your protection, even if I appreciate it. It's gonna take more than a shove to get rid of me." He replies, wincing at his words. 

Sam, however, looks slightly better. The spark is back in his eyes, more alert and less haunted. "Thanks, Bucky." He whispers, staring at Bucky intently.

Bucky flounders for a moment, his eyes flicking down to Sam's lips for a moment before he smiles softly. "You're welcome."