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⏤ 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴
𝐊𝐚𝐳 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐤𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬⏤ but he believes he has found one. Although, he has enough pride to stop him from admitting the truest words to have ever come from his mouth due to fear.
Fear does not knock on Kaz's door much anymore. At least, not after meeting Dara and before the incident with Jordie.
Fear stayed clear of his door, for Kaz believes he has found a way to tame and control fear when it comes crawling up his street, but, here he is, walking to the location in such a rush for fear is pounding onto his door.
Pounding. Over and over and over again. It's getting louder...harder...overwhelming.
Dara left the moment Poppy spat out the location, Kaz calling for her, but he knew there was no luck for Dara cared much too deeply for the Barrel.
It was the one trait he could not teach her. How to turn it all off. He cannot teach it to her well, for he does not know how to turn it off himself. He hides it well, very well, too well, but at a cost.
But, Kaz felt guilty when he first tried to teach Dara to turn off her emotional well-being, to power any vulnerable threat for it was what made her...well, her.
Her curiosity.
Her wonder.
Her smile.
The fact that she always bought him strawberry creme pastries.
He could not take that away, but he really did want to as badly as he wanted Pekka Rollins' head.
Kaz Brekker wants to protect her without the words of vulnerability and truth, but, as he is learning, without them he might lose her.
He already is.
Maybe, it was a good idea. To have her get so enraged by his behavior she will leave off in Ravka to make a life for herself. She can, Kaz has taught her well, but the mere thought of not being able to be with her, to know she is off probably having a life without him...it hurts.
Kaz stops, going into an alley as to calm his feelings for they are shouting too much into his storm that he calls his mind. Taking small deep breathes, he digs his hands into his pockets and takes out a small chain with a crow feather attached to it.
The crow feather being a light blue.
Dara made it for him. She would not say how, or where, but gave it to Kaz on his fourteenth birthday. It was the first time he had gotten a gift since Jordie, and he now cherishes it as much as he cherishes her.
