Flutter |h.s|

19

Harry

The apartment is silent, the only sound being the scribbling of my pen across my notebook. Everyone went to bed about an hour ago, but I couldn't sleep so I came to work on some songs in the living room.

I never admitted to anyone what Lexie did before today. Gemma was the one who told me that she used me the entire time, but that I didn't notice because I was so wrapped up in the idea of being in love. She pointed out that she never bothered to reach out when we were dating. That she never got me a gift, not even some stupid little magnet or something that reminded her of me.

It's still hard to recognize that I was being used. It was a real relationship for me. I was in love with her. Just for her to completely destroy me.

Talking about her with Grace helped so much. Now I see what she means about how last night helped her. Finally admitting to someone who wasn't there what Lexie did to me, that was just so relieving. Maybe I should go up on that roof and yell for a little bit about it.

I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that yet. Maybe in a couple of days. There are probably a few steps between today and that anyway.

I scribble some more lyrics to the song I'm working on into the notebook, before looking out the window to Paris. The streets are empty, not one soul in sight. I feel like I always write better at times like this.

Writing felt impossible before today. Usually after a break up it's somewhat easy to write songs about it or my feelings. Usually I'm the one who messes up the relationship in some way and that's why things end. Not this time though. This time was all her.

Now it's almost two months later and I'm finally starting to feel some sort of relief from this constant ache in my chest. Thank god for Grace. If it wasn't for her today, I'd probably still be lying awake in bed, looking for signs that I missed when Lexie and I were together like I do most nights.

I focus on the words I'm writing, humming a tune gently into my voice notes every once in a while just to have it for when I get into the studio. Maybe once this trip is over and things settle down again I'll get back into the studio.

This album shouldn't be about being sad. I don't want it to be all these depressing songs about being used. The fans don't deserve that, they're probably expecting so many fun songs about a crazy whirlwind romance. They don't know what was happening behind the scenes.

To them, Lexie and I were so perfect and in love. Since we were so public with our relationship, the breakup was plastered all over every magazine and newspaper in the world. They all thought it was an amicable split, that we both just got too busy for each other. If I were to actually say what happened, I'm sure my fans would go after her online. I don't need that added stress.

They'll probably find out on this album though. If the songs even make it to the album. I'm sure that's exactly what Lexie is hoping for.

I sigh, turning the page to take a break from the sad lyrics about Lex. What's something else I could write about?

Well this trip for starters. A nice song about traveling could be fun. Maybe some kind of Canyon moon kinda song about friendship. I could write about my family. Before I met Grace, Holly and Eli, I was spending a lot of time at home with my mom and sister. It was so fun just getting to be around them.

I could write about Grace.

Oh the things I could write about Grace. About her eyes. Her smile. Her voice. Her stubborn personality. Her compassion.

Before my thoughts are all fully there, I start writing. The words fly out of me. It's like I've been writing this song from the moment we met.

I get all the way down to the chorus before the song of footsteps pulls me from my thoughts. When I look up, I'm met with her concerned blue eyes.