Flutter |h.s|

70

Grace

My head rests on Harry's chest as he finishes up reading the chapter we're on. We've been going back and forth reading chapters for the last two hours, just trying to make sure Holly and Elias are asleep.

I have to admit, it's devastating knowing that we're leaving Italy in the morning. I'm happy that I'll still have two more days with Harry, but leaving Italy means our trip is nearly over.

It's been so magical here. I don't know what it is but it's like the second we got here everything changed. Maybe it was Harry's shift in confidence. Or maybe after what happened in Vienna, I was able to clearly see how much I wanted him.

Whatever it was, I fell in love with him here. In just nine days, I was swept off my feet in this whirlwind romance by the curly haired boy next to me. He let me set all the boundaries I needed and respected every one. He didn't judge me when I broke my rules for him and he didn't pressure me in any way to break them.

His respect and patience are the reasons I let myself fall for him completely.

The people I had been with before never cared the way Harry did, if at all. I'll admit, a lot of that had to do with me not setting boundaries and letting my obvious childhood issues get the better of me. My need to be loved and paid attention to led me to some dangerous places sometimes, ones that without Elias or Holly's intervention could have ended badly.

In a way, I was seeking the danger. I was careless because I hoped that maybe I would wake up in a bed next to someone instead of sleeping alone. Even if that meant I didn't remember the night before. Sometimes I preferred it that way so I could make up scenarios in my head of how the night went.

Holly and Elias would always lecture me about how reckless I was being, but it never stopped me. Looking back now, the way I acted scares me. Elias would always tell me how I could have died or gotten seriously hurt, but I would just brush it off. The idea of death didn't sound all that bad at the time. And having kids was on the list of things I would never do, so the risk of losing fertility wasn't even a thought to me.

Especially up until this trip, I still felt that same way. If anything, I probably would have gotten worse had Holly not booked this trip. I gave up on love and was residing myself to the fact that I would have a life full of meaningless, emotionless sex and loneliness.

Then I run into Harry and let him change my life forever. He showed me unconditional love when I was at my absolute lowest, even though he knew nothing about me.

Now the idea of death is terrifying to me because I don't want to lose out on these moments with him. Now kids are something I want with him and I'm fucking terrified my chances of having that with him are screwed.

One day we'll have to talk about all that. It'll be hard and he will probably scold me the same way Holly and Elias did, but I have to be honest with him. He doesn't even know what he's gotten himself into with a damaged girl like me. But at the same time, I don't think he minds it.

I look up at him, a big smile crossing my lips.

I love you.

I've been telling him that in my head all day. Of course I'm terrified it would actually slip out, but only because I want to tell him in a perfect moment. So far, all I've been is messy. He's tried to give me perfect so many times and I always find a way to mess it up in some capacity. Now it's my turn to give him a perfect moment.

"I'm gonna go get a water bottle and listen out to hear if they're still up. Want one?" Harry asks, putting the book down on the side table. We can't forget that tomorrow.