Flutter |h.s|

36

Grace

Vienna. What a beautiful, chaotic mess.

I'll miss it.

Now onto Venice. Hopefully Italy brings better luck. At least I could drown myself in pasta if I'm feeling sad.

Everyone's on edge around me now, walking on eggshells. I hate that I messed up this trip because I'm so unstable. They shouldn't have to deal with all of this. They should be able to just have fun.

But I'm trying not to think like that. I'm trying to remind myself that they love me and they're happy to be going to Venice with me. No bad thoughts.

We walk onto the plane, walking toward the back to our seats. I'm next to Elias for the flight, which I'm honestly really happy about. I just need to have him near in case I feel those thoughts creep back up.

As always, Harry grabs my carry on to put it in the overhead bin for me. I just smile at him politely, knowing nothing I say will stop him from doing that. I'm starting to learn to just accept the kind gestures with a smile.

I shuffle into my seat, smiling when Elias sits next to me after putting his carry on in the bin. I smile across the aisle at Harry and Holly, who are sitting together for this flight. I'm really glad we're all together.

Holly and Harry start to intensely talk, probably about the kiss since I told her about it. I turn to Elias, smiling. "I get to sit next to you!" I cheek, hugging his arm.

He lets out a soft chuckle, nodding. "Yes you do." he smiles.

This flight is literally only an hour long, so we got to sleep in a little more than we usually do. The flights haven't been super long honestly, but when we planned most of them we decided to go for the earliest option. For this one though, we didn't have too many options. I'm not complaining though, I slept like a baby last night.

Take off went better than I expected it to. It still scared the shit out of me, but I think I'm slowly starting to get used to all the flying and traveling. I didn't even think that was possible since I've been scared of that part since I was a little girl. I guess things are starting to get better.

Elias turns to look at me, "So, how are you feeling after last night?" he asks quietly. There's someone sitting in the aisle seat who's still sleeping and we don't want to wake him up.

"I'm feeling better. If anything I feel guilty about getting that bad." I admit, biting my lip.

Eli is the only one I can really open up to like this. Of course, I could talk to Holly and I've been allowing myself to be vulnerable with Harry. But Eli knows what I've been through. He lived it. We're always going to have to carry that with us.

"Don't feel guilty. Honestly, I expected that to happen way before now. I think it's been building for a while huh?"

I nod slightly, sighing. "Yeah. It's probably been building up since graduation. Mom and dad didn't go, and I didn't have a job. Then Jesse broke up with me. It's definitely been brewing for the last month." I admit.

I usually try to push those feelings away. Especially since we were traveling so much and I was able to distract myself with Harry. It was bound to happen at some point. I should have let it out way before now, but it's all out now and I can't dwell on that.

"Have you heard from Jesse recently? Holly told me he texted you." he asks.

"Not personally. I haven't really been on social media, but I heard he has a new girlfriend or something. I really don't care though. Like I told Holly, I'm perfectly fine. No need to worry about me." I assure him.