Flutter |h.s|

for the first time

Harry

"Yes mum, I know. I already spoke to everyone and I'm set to start going back into the studio on Monday for songwriting." I assure her, getting up from my spot on the couch.

I just got back to London after spending some time with my mum back home. To say the last few weeks of my life have been complete and utter torture is the understatement of the century. I didn't think this would be how my year would go.

The breakup was terribly shocking and felt like it came out of left field. One second I'm planning a vacation, the next Lexie's calling me telling me that we're over and that she'll come get the stuff she left at my place. Granted, I didn't think Lexie was going to be the girl I married or at least spent my life with, but I don't even think things were bad.

Once things were over I just booked it right to my mum's. Gemma and her kind of talked sense into me and showed me how bad the relationship really was. I don't know if that made things better or worse. I mean, they basically told me she used me the entire time we were together. That's not something someone would want to hear. It makes sense though. She got her Dior partnership and left.

I wanted to stay longer at mum's, embarrassed and ashamed that I let that relationship go on for as long as it did. But I was alone and Lexie was my chance to not be alone anymore. I think deep down I always knew it was a one sided relationship, but a part of me just wanted her to be it. Mum kicked me out today, saying I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and at least get back to work.

So here I am in London, getting back to work.

"That's fantastic! I'm sure everyone's going to be excited to get back to work then huh?" she says, cheerfully, as if that'll make me feel better.

Walking to the kitchen, I tuck the phone between my shoulder and my ear. "I haven't texted anyone yet, but I'm sure Mitch will facetime and join in. I'm just gonna keep it quiet for right now. I'm not even sure I'll be able to write, but at least to just get back into the swing of things."

I don't even know why I'm attempting to look through my kitchen for dinner right now. I haven't been here in a really long time so whatever's left is stale or rotten. I'm just gonna have to go get food for tonight and try to get out tomorrow to the grocery store.

"Well just try your best, darling. You know Gem and I are always going to be there for you if you need to let it out." she reminds me. I really love my mummy.

"I know, mum. I love you."

"I love you too, Harry."

I smile a bit to myself, leaning against the counter as I hold the phone with my hand again. "I'm gonna let you go. I have to go get some food." My free hand comes up to rub my forehead slightly.

"Why don't you just order in and try to relax, pop on a movie or something?" she suggests.

For a second I think about the idea of ordering in and just spending time at home. I just walked through the door and there's plenty for me to do around here. Plus there's the fact that I don't really feel like running into fans while I'm out. But something is just telling me to go out for dinner.

"No, I think a walk would do me good. Clear my head and all."

We talk for another minute before saying goodbye and goodnight, leaving me alone in this house. My first time being alone since the break up. Well tonight should suck.

I changed when I got home from the airport, keeping it really lowkey in some brown pants and a black hoodie. Walking toward the door I slip on some black vans and grab some sunglasses. It's dark out at this point, but I don't want people to see me. I shrug on my green jacket for some added comfort, not really caring about how hot I might get. I'll be fine.