You Are My Wildest Dream

Small Talk, She Drives

My alarm rings at 5:00 in the morning while the street lights below my window are still bright. The sun has barely even said "hi" yet. I didn't sleep much, I tossed and turned and wondered if last night even happened. I couldn't stop overanalyzing every word and action I said and did to Hannah. Was I too much? Not enough? No, definitely too much. Way way way too much. What if I lose my job? What if she hates me now? What if that look in her eyes the first time I met her meant nothing at all?

I turn off my alarm after all of these thoughts pierce my brain, and open a text from Paris:

"Good morning, my perfect precious lovelies!

Checking in to make sure everyone is awake and excited for the amazing day ahead of us!!!

I apologize for last night; anything I said or did wasn't me, it was my secret twin sister, Milan. 😳

The cruiser will pick the three of us up in 15 minutes to bring us to set where we'll have breakfast "in the office" and chat over the new day. Then, you both will get alone time so you can discuss the upcoming scenes. OOOOOO so exciting!

Mwahhhhh,

Paris"

Fuck. FIFTEEN MINUTES TO COMPOSE MYSELF?!?!?!?!?! AND ALONE TIME WITH HANNAH?!?!??!?!?!

I suddenly get a rush of nostalgia and feel like I'm back in 9th grade when I'd stay home "sick" because I'd be too scared to take a science test. I'm going to have to really put my acting skills on the line to see how well I can play the calmest, most collected person alive, otherwise, I fear I won't be able to even sit in the same car as Hannah, let alone look her right in her icy blue eyes.

I toss on something still in my suitcase because I can barely think about curating my best comfy-chic outfit when there are so many other things on my mind. I grab my brown duffle bag (filled with my journals and vitamins, of course) and opt to take the stairs instead of the elevator. Right before I open the door to head into the lobby, I stand with myself to focus.

Breathe in slowly, in and out.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Hold.

Exhale through your mouth.

I open the door and see Hannah standing there first. How did she beat Paris? I guess she really might still be hungover. Act natural, Rowan. You got this.

"Good morning! Wow, do you always win games revolving around time?" I try and ask Hannah to start the day off with less tension than there already is (and it's only been a 2-second walk over to her standing in the lobby).

While still looking down at her phone, Hannah replies in a monotone voice, "Yeah. I try." As she puffs out a small breath that I barely caught.

Before I can start overthinking her body language and response, the elevator doors open to Paris in sunglasses, and an animal print boa tossed around her neck.

"Good morning, let's get to the cruiser, my girls." She says in a strong voice, then proceeds to guide us to wait outside in the porte-cochère for the cruiser.

Hannah speaks up, "Hey, Paris. I was thinking, I'm missing driving lately, you think I can drive the cruiser?" Paris tilts down her sunglasses and asks, "Are you serious? You want to drive the cruiser? Oh darling, I-" Hannah interrupts, "Yes, I totally do. I'm a good driver you know. Got my license right at sixteen. Plus, you seem pretty sleepy, so you can rest in the backseat and lay down. Maybe rest your head on Rowan's lap, as I'm sure she won't mind. Right, Rowan? You wouldn't mind." I go to speak up so quickly that my voice cracks, "Yeah, no, I definitely don't mind. It sounds like a good idea. Sure, of course!" Unfazed because Hannah already knows she always gets her way, she says, "Great! Here it comes now. I'll let our driver take the day off."

The cruiser pulls up and Hannah converses privately with the driver, explaining her plan. I notice her smiling a lot and acting overly friendly, or maybe it just seems that way because she's been "normal" with everyone else but me. The driver walks off into the hotel and waves behind us. "HAVE A GREAT DAY OFF!!!!" Hannah exclaims to him. "Let's go you two!" Hannah says as she darts for the driver's seat. Just as she instructed, I climb into the back and Paris rests her head on my lap, and within seconds she's sprawled out and snoring before we even get on the road.

A few minutes pass by and neither of us has spoken. I figure at this point she's super upset with me, and I can't tell whether I should try and make it better, or if doing that will actually make it worse. I decided one last time to be friendly and say, "Your idea was perfect. Paris has been knocked out before we even left. I might have some drool on my thigh, but it's totally worth it." I catch Hannah look up in her rearview mirror and we make eye contact for a split second. She waits a moment to reply, then says, "I know." That's it. Is this really how it's going to be for the rest of the week? I can't believe I upset her this much, so much so that she's being cold.