You Are My Wildest Dream

Let Me Kiss You Again Just Because

Hannah and I make our way out of the dressing room and head to set to start our day. I can't contain the smile on my face because I'm just so damn happy. I've been being more vocal about my feelings, providing an open space for conversation, and trying to let myself live in the moment with Hannah and this incredible job that led me to her. We exit the office shack just as Paris catches us around the corner, "Oh, hey you two. I was looking for you. I forgot to have our mini-meeting before breakfast. Today we're filming the second verse since tomorrow is already our last day and we'll be filming the chorus. Rowan, do you need a few minutes with a copy of the lyrics, or do you know it?" Hannah giggles to herself and shoots me a smirk. Before I can reply, Hannah answers for me, "She better know it. In fact, I'll make sure she does. Thanks, Paris!" Honestly, I'm 99% sure I DO know all the words, but damn I would've liked to read over them one last time before we hit set right now. Paris is reading this energy and attempts to ask, "Rowan, are you sure you're all good—" "She's GOOD, I GOT HER!" Hannah yells over her shoulder as she bumps my shoulder signaling for me to follow her as she darts to set.

Hannah and I get onto set and wait a few more minutes as the crew is making their final touches for our first scene. Hannah turns to me and pinches my cheek, "You better know my lyrics. I'm not gonna let you cheat off of Paris at this point, babe." I can't help but immediately start blushing. Every time she calls me "babe" or "baby" in a real way, it makes my heart strike up like a match. It affirms we are real. It affirms I'm in this hot-ass desert working and sweating my ass off with Hannah; international pop with a hint of indie and massive lyrical genius, Hannah, yeah that one. It affirms we are together and together. And just as I'm swirling in all of this togetherness, I have a flashback to what Paris said moments ago:

"...since tomorrow is already our last day and we'll be filming the chorus"

It's common when on a super busy and high budget set for our personal emotions to not always show because, well, EVERYONE IS SUPER BUSY AND CAN'T STOP MOVING, YELLING, AND HELPING! There's not always enough space to even process emotions as they arise, let alone even have a few seconds to acknowledge them. My days on set are always full of gratitude, but also full of "wait what even happened today and what year is it?!?!" Despite knowing how this industry works already, I can't help but freak out a bit because am I really the only one spiraling over what Paris just said? How am I the only one who heard it, like really heard it, between me, Hannah, and Paris? Paris herself, our beloved, emotional, always whimpering into a tissue, dramatic-ass Paris didn't pause or take a breath as she said what she said? Hannah, my girlfriend (yep, I never wanna stop saying that), didn't even seem to flinch. But, yet again, neither did I at the moment, because, again, I was locked into *set mode*. But, wait wait wait... what if Hannah didn't react because she saw me not react and felt hurt?! GREAT. Now I can't stop overthinking this and trying to come up with my words to start this conversation with Hannah for later and—

"Alright everyone, good morning and thank you for being here today! Let's get started on our first scene, shall we?" Our director announces to us all and Hannah and I find our marks, with our starting positions being super close to each other. It's not like we haven't been this physically close together, as we are girlfriends (!!!!!!!) now after all, but I think I'll always get the tingles around her, and I like it that way. Plus, the tingles hit even more so on set because it hits in a different way when I'm playing a character. I'm still me, but still a character. I'm a different version of myself influenced by someone else. My internal monologue is disrupted by the direction's loud voice, "Three bells. Roll sound. Rolling, background, ACTION!"

Hannah and I shoot, reset, shoot, and, reset the first few lines and from all different angles for the next couple of hours. Finally, we reach a point where we get a break, so we make our way to the notorious shack office. "I'm gonna use the bathroom quick, okay? I'll be right out" Hannah says as she heads to the door. I take a seat and grab a granola bar and some juice. As I'm coming back down out of character again, I start to recall what I was internally freaking out about prior to filming. I fall back into my internal monologue and begin:

"...should I bring it up now on break? Or later? Or not here at all because we're working? BUT we are human beings, people, girlfriends; we're not only our job. But, I don't wanna mess up the lovey-dovey energy we got goin' on today. Okay, okay, mental note to bring it up later because right now I have to be present, work, and enjoy today. I am here. I am okay."

Poof. Okay, that actually kinda... worked? I feel my chest loosen up and feel the anxieties washing away one by one. Each thought flows down a mental river as I watch it pass by. I smile to myself because I feel so damn proud that I talked myself out of that mini-breakdown, PLUS, the granola bar I'm eating right now is SO good!? As I take my last bite, I hear Hannah open the bathroom, and as I look up she eyes me sweetly. While still standing near the door, she yells over, "Hey you, dressing room?" She points over to the dressing room door, signaling for me to meet her there. I stand up and push in my chair, then give her a little thumbs up which makes her laugh.

"How can I be of your service today, Hannah?" I take a bow as I ask, pretending to be her little personal bellhop. She puffs out a giggle at my gesture, then takes my chin into her hand. "Silly, silly, silly, you are." She releases my chin then continues, "While I was in the bathroom I realized we hadn't spoken about if we should tell the crew about us or if not, and if yes, then when should we? I'm kinda totally down to tell them just so I can smother you in love in between takes because those trousers on you look so perfect. How are you feeling about it?" I blush a bit at Hannah's trouser comment then respond, "I would love to be smothered, so I think my answer is that I would love to tell them, too." Hannah shrieks in euphoria, "Goooooood. Perfect. Sold. TODAY! Now come here and let me kiss you again just because."

Hannah and I head out of the shack office to return to set after our break full of kisses. She takes my hand into hers as we walk back. Right as we start approaching and seeing the crew, who don't even pay our hand-holding any mind because it's very Hannah-esque to be holding someone's hand, I whisper to ask her, "So, how should we tell everyone—"

Hannah cuts off my question with her boldness that I can sense is coming, "Hey, everyone. Did we all have a good break?" she asks everyone. The crew nods their heads, which prompts her to continue, "Good, good. Oh, also, just wanted to let everyone know that Rowan and I are together, like together." She lifts up our intertwined hands as "evidence" to her statement, and reading by everyone's faces they aren't really surprised; they almost look amused by the ridiculously obvious proclamation. There is silence for a moment, then heads turning to each other full of little whispers. Suddenly we hear a voice from the back of the crew huddle, "Do you guys want us to pretend like we didn't already know?" Erika, the boom operator jokes, which produces an eruption of giggles from the entire crew. I find myself blushing into Hannah's shoulder and catching a peak of Paris covering her mouth trying to hold her own back laughter. "You two were painfully obvious from day one." Someone else chimes in. "Alright, alright, alright. Well, we just wanted to let you all know from our own mouths, not your sneaky little suspicions." Everyone nods and claps for us, then we all get back to work to start the next scene.