You Are My Wildest Dream

Cut, Cut, Cut

It's been five hours on set so far, and we keep re-shooting the beginning of the bridge:

You'll see me in hindsight

Tangled up with you all night

Burnin' it down

The director stands up, "Cut, cut, cut." Everyone pauses. "Hannah, can I be honest with you, my love?" Hannah raises her eyebrow, but then expresses a soft smile, "Okay, of course, sure, go for it." He responds, "The reason we can't get the scene right is that your character is being way too, hmm, cynical, my darling. You need to find the love in the scene. Even in anger and hatred, there is love within it which is the passion for the expression of the very negative emotion portrayed. Love is behind everything." After hearing him say this, I realize maybe I should just try and show my support to her. I don't know what else to do. Between last night, not talking about it all yet, my own emotions, her body language, and now us not being able to get the scene right, I guess I should try and show her I care.

"Hey." I reach for Hannah's arm to lightly hold it. "I'm here to support you and help you in any way I can for the scene. What do you need-" She cuts me off. "OH, I'm glad it's just for the scene! Plus, you just started acting. I've been a songwriter forever now; I KNOW EMOTIONS!" She storms off and runs into the shack, heading towards her dressing room. I stand still, silent, looking forward to the crew, the director, and then scan for Paris. I spot her and see her running off to comfort Hannah. "I'm sorry, everyone," I say softly and apologetically. The director looks at me and says, "There are no apologies needed. Acting sometimes is so emotional for the character that it seeps into the real "us" and acts as a mirror. Hannah will be okay. If anything, it shows her lyrics are sometimes too powerful even for her. You can go relax for a moment, we'll all take a break." He smiles at me and motions his arm to signal for me to go back to the shack. I take a seat back in my breakfast spot, sip some juice, and grab my phone from my bag. I text my mom:

"Hey, mom, are you free to talk right now?"

My mom immediately calls me, and we have a chat filled with lots of emotions. I tell her how I've been super stressed today, and am starting to wonder if acting is even for me after all. She assures me that she and my dad want me to be happy and healthy, but that she can tell acting brings me great joy. "There are bad days for all of us sometimes..." She pauses, then continues, "...Even in the things we love. Just look at your father and me. He is the love of my life, but when he doesn't close the cabinet door, he kind of isn't in that moment." I laugh for the first time in hours and thank her for listening to me.

I place my phone back in my bag and sit, reading the back of the cranberry juice label to distract my mind. As I make my way down to the list of vitamins, Paris pops her head out of Hannah's dressing room. Once she sees me at the table, she waves. She steps out of the dressing room, closes the door behind her gently, then heads over to the table to sit with me. "So, I talked to Hannah." I eagerly reply, "Okay! Great. Is she okay? What can I do to help her and the scene?" Paris looks at me and takes my hands in hers, "Turns out the "character channeling energy" I thought she was doing this morning was a very wrong assumption. She's actually sorta kinda a teeny tiny bit mad at you, but mainly just upset." I close my eyes at what she tells me and grip back onto her hands. "Now, listen, Rowan. I'm not judging you or the situation. You are allowed to feel how you feel, too, not just Hannah. You do not have to be afraid to talk to me about what happened." I try and find the words to speak up, but instead, just look around the room to try and ground myself. Paris notices this and says, "You can take your time letting me know what you want to do. As for Hannah, I talked her down and she said she is still willing to finish the music video with you, only if you're comfortable enough to be around her." Why would I be the one to be uncomfortable around her? Is she talking about Hannah's emotions she's expressing? Hannah is simply having a very valid response to the very thing I did last night? I sit and stare in confusion, and the only thing I can think of to say is, "Of course, I still want to finish it with her."