You Are My Wildest Dream

You're My Best Friend

As all the crew finishes eating our celebratory final day cake for breakfast, Paris comes up to Hannah and me to briefly map out the day. "As you guys know, today is..." Paris pauses dramatically and turns her head away from us. While wiping her imaginary tears, she turns back around to face us then continues, "today is our last day filming. We only have the chorus left, and we should wrap on time tonight. Afterward, we're of COURSE going to head out to dinner. But, until we get our hands on those margaritas, let's do this first," She hands Hannah and me our scripts for the day, then asks, "Any questions my angel babies?" Angel babies. I replay Paris's endearing pet names for us in my head. Those pet names she'd call us every single day and would give me such a sense of giggles but also grounding. It hits me; I'm going to miss hearing them from her so much. I look at Paris and with a soft smile, I ask, "Yeah, I have a question. How am I going to do set mornings without you?!" I lean in to hug her, and without saying words she also reaches to pull Hannah into our embrace to make a group hug. "Oh, trust me, dear, you will. Plus, I'm only ever a call away. And, I mean, you have this one now." Without even having to look up I already know Paris is winking at Hannah.

We all pull apart with longing gazes in our eyes and try to smooth out our shirts after such a tight hug. While seemingly trying to wipe the start of real tears now, Paris says to us, "Okay girls, see you on set in 10?" Hannah and I nod in agreement to her, as both of us are too choked up to say actual words. Paris can tell that's what's going on and offers us a smile then walks away. I've never seen Hannah look so hollow and empty, besides that one time we discussed her family. "Hey," I bring my hands up to hold her cheeks, "We got this, I promise. We're gonna crush it today, then go to dinner and be so full of good food and also gratitude for such a memorable week." Hannah tilts her head as I finish up my mini inspiration speech, then hugs me again. She leaves her head in the crook of my neck, and I feel her breath sighing out into my skin. We stay together in silence, embraced like that for the next few minutes.

With each second passing by, the silence becomes less comfortable because this silence is based on fear and sadness, not happiness and calm. I start to worry because I can feel the heaviness in her heart. I'm sad too of course, but I have this optimism that we'll be okay; it's going to work out somehow, I just know it. I'm so used to Hannah being my rock, and, well, she is my rock. She would know how to make me feel better in this moment, but what if I can't do the same for her before we have to go to set? These anxious thoughts start swirling around in my head, but before I let them seep too far, I have a revelation; I can be the rock, too. In fact, I have to be the rock too. I squeeze Hannah tighter one last time, then pull away slightly to look into her eyes. "You know, I'm going to be here with you through the scene today. And then, after the scene, I'm going to be with you on break. And then, after break, I'm going to be with you back on set. And then I'm going to be with you at dinner. And then, after dinner, I'm still going to be with you because I'm your girlfriend." Hannah darts her eyes away for a second, as I watch her gaze go somewhere else; somewhere that is suddenly calm, peaceful, and affirming. It's as if she averted her eyes so that she can focus on taking my words in that much deeper to fuel that place. Her eyes return to mine after a moment, she pauses then says, "You're my best friend. I needed to hear you say that."

Paris approaches Hannah and I and says, "You both ready?" Hannah replies, "Oh, yeah, why are we late or something? I thought we were going to meet you on set?" Paris, who seems to be hiding a smirk, responds, "Not late at all, but we have a teeny tiny set change, so I have to walk you guys to it." We lift our eyes in curiosity and excitement, then begin to follow Paris to set. We walk hand in hand, and things now feel as calm as they possibly could for shooting the final scene of a romantic song with your girlfriend who wrote it, but she wasn't your girlfriend before you started filming but wanted her to be the moment you saw her and now she is— I giggle to myself at this realization, then spontaneously kiss Hannah's forehead. We walk a few more minutes then arrive on set. Damn, why do my legs hurt so damn much from a short walk? Hannah and I reach our marks, then mentally prepare for the first few lines of the chorus:

"Say you'll remember me 

Standin' in a nice dress

Starin' at the sunset, babe"

As I'm reciting the lines to myself one last time, our director shouts, "DROP THE CURTAIN!" Hannah and I turn to each other with confused looks. The curtain behind us, which I thought was part of the scene, drops; I can't help but gasp in awe. Behind us now is a view of the entire desert down below where we filmed every other scene. Hannah and I look out, inspecting every detail of the dunes. We have an independent moment with our own memories and nostalgia of our first day shooting here versus now. I spot a cactus we used to pass on our way in and how every single morning I'd have the thought of how beautiful my sister would find it. I notice a silence coming from the crew as if they're watching a movie play out right now. There is magic swirling all around, even in the dry desert heat.

Our director, who is bummed to break up our moment, announces softly, "It's pretty, huh? We thought you guys would think so. You both ready?" Hannah and I look at each other for the first time since the curtain dropped, and our eye contact feels like a soul-level embrace. Something happens inside of me; the bond that I felt between us the very first day comes back to me, except this time it's 100x stronger. I don't even worry if Hannah feels it too, because I know she does. This feeling, this look, this connection; it has just been affirmed to me in her eyes. I stop to catch my breath for a moment, and all I can do now is slowly mouth the word, "Whoa." Hannah sees me say this before I even had opened my mouth, and she bites her lip and nods in agreement.

If a producer didn't say, "Three bells. Roll sound. Rolling, ACTION!" I am fully convinced we would've stayed standing on that hill together forever, just looking into each other's eyes. We would've become a legend or tale; the two girls who fell in love in the desert and survived off eye contact. After 100 years our bodies would turn into statues in our very spots, for all to see and visit; we'd become a historical site for lovers and tourists alike to visit. Maybe on the outskirts of the desert, a hotel would be built to accommodate all the new traffic and it'd be called, "The Wildest Dreams Inn."

We begin filming the scene, and I feel myself teetering in and out of character. Thankfully, in this context, if I break character it won't be too noticeable, as my role and myself are both emotional as fuck right now. The director repositions us and moves Hanah closer to me. He begins, " I think I would like to see something different here. With your arms extended, hold each other's hands. As Hannah pulls away and gives her line, slowly let your fingers become undone to show her body moving away; then BOOM, she fully walks away. Sound good?" Hannah and I nod at the new direction, and I feel myself holding back a whimper at how emotional this sounds. We set for the scene and let our arms reach out while intertwining one hand each."Ready?" The direction asks us and the crew. "Three bells. Roll sound. Rolling, ACTION!" We stare longingly at each other, and with each millisecond I feel myself breaking into Rowan more and more. We begin pulling apart more and more and let our fingers undo themselves. Hannah mouths, "Say you'll see me again, even if it's just pretend," And fully walks away just as directed. "CUT! PERFECT!" The crew claps at how good this new direction looks on camera, and I find myself clapping to try and distract myself from real tears. The director announces a break, and the crew heads off to find food. I can't move, so I stay standing, then Hannah spots the emotion in my face. As everyone clears out quickly, I let myself cry when it's just us alone. "Sorry, that scene was just a little too hard," I whimper out into Hannah as she embraces me, "I know, I know. I'm so sorry. For the record, I'm never walking away from you, my character is just a bitch." I look up to her and begin giggling through tears as she wipes them off my cheek. "Let's go for our break, shall we? This time I'm willing to try your damn fruit tart."