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January 27, 1977 - Age sixteen
It was weeks later, now almost the end of January, and for some reason, Claudia could not catch a wink of sleep. She tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in but failed every time. She groaned quietly, getting up from her bed, waking Leo in the process before quickly padding down the stairs to the common room. Claudia studied her surroundings before deciding that a cup of tea and a midnight snack might do the trick. So she quietly exited the common room, minding the sleeping portraits as she walked down to the kitchens, Leo trailing after her. She tickled the pair and was met with very few house elves running around the kitchen.
"Hello, Miss Claudia!"
"Hi Twinkle, what are you doing up?"
"Twinkle could ask Miss Claudia the same,"
"I can't sleep,"
"Oh, what can Miss Twinkle do to help?"
"Chamomile tea, and would you mind making me some mac and cheese, please?"
"It will be no problem for Twinkle!"
"Thank you very much," She smiled at the small elf who scurried further into the kitchen to retrieve her requests.
Claudia let her own thoughts consume her as she thought about everything that's happened since Christmas break as she ran her fingers through Leo's soft fur. She and James weren't exactly 'official' since he had never asked her anything, and she still had the small insecurities and doubt from the issue that transpired with Lily. Claudia wasn't sure what to think. She'd never been in a relationship before. Sure, she'd gone out on dates, snogged and shagged some guys here and there, but that was only a one-night thing. She'd never done anything serious that involved commitment. James has loved her for most of his life, and even though he's never been in a committed relationship either, he still seemed to know all about relationships and love. Claudia has two parents who are so in love; she reads romance novels all the time but can't seem to be in a relationship properly. Commitment and trust scare her; up until a couple of weeks ago, she would've trusted Lily with her life, and now they aren't even friends. Claudia always thought if there were someone who would always be there to love her and rely on, it'd be James because he had told her so many times that he'd love her forever and that he was nobody that he cared about more than he did her. So when she finally needed him and wanted him, he wasn't there. Thus her drinking problem started.This scared her; she had never relied on anyone before. She'd always been pretty independent growing up. But now, she felt like if James weren't there to love her and for her to love him, she'd crumble to pieces. Claudia honestly didn't know what she'd do in a world that James Potter didn't exist. She loved him, she knew that much but was it too soon? Was it moving too fast? She honestly had no idea. "Love is different for everyone" is what Euphemia would tell her. One part of Claudia figured her and James' love story had some setbacks, and that's why it's moving so fast so they can make up for lost time. The other part of Claudia thought they were rushing into things and that everything would go to shit if they moved too fast. This was the part of Claudia that had trust issues and doubt. Unfortunately, this part of her usually ruled over her heart. That's the difference between her and James. James loves with his heart and bases everything off his heart, while Claudia always chooses her mind over her heart. And until she learned how to love with her heart, she would always have the insecurity and doubt hanging over her head like a forcefield from her and James' relationship meeting its full potential because she couldn't give him her whole heart as he did with her. As much as she wanted to give him her whole heart and think with her heart instead of her mind, she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to. Claudia would have to learn how to do that since she had never given her heart to someone in a romantic sense. James had just done it naturally. I suppose loving her for the past six years was a contributing factor. Little did she know slowly but surely James Potter was teaching her how to love and think with her heart. His naturally loving and nurturing aura is subconsciously teaching her to use her heart, trust and depend on him so she can give him her all. Some may even call it her pure devotion.
