9:22am
I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die
9:22pm
Kill me, I want to die, why can't I die, why is it so hard? All of you will move on and I'll be a distant memory, I just hurt everyone, I hurt everyone who wants to help, idk why I won't accept the help if I know I need it, it's just hard, I'm so sleepy so so sleepy idk I'm tired I give up
July 6
One cut, look at the blood it feels nice, I deserve it, I hurt everyone, I bother everyone, it's ok it's just blood, I fucking hate myself anyway what am I good for? Maybe I should go back to my parents, they can use me how they want, i don't care abymore
I had a panic attack, and jefferson had to grab my hands because I was punching my head, everything was so loud I kept screaming to shut up but it wouldn't listen, it's my fault, I let this happen, thing is, I probably would've kept letting it happen, I don't care what happens to me I just want to die, I'm losing everyone anyway so what's the point
Jefferson is ignoring me, he brought a chick with a kid and he's paying attention to her more than me, I don't like it, the kid is attached to me and I don't like it, I want my space away from kids, it's not safe for them around me, I want to cut, it's not safe and he's terrorizing my cats. Jefferson was supposed to help me, but he isn't looking at me he's only looking at her, she's a problem, I need to get rid of the problem, I need her to go away, so jefferson can look at me again
July 7
I met with my mom, she wants to be apart of my life, I told her about my DID and she said she talked with her own doctor and her doctor said that I didn't need a therapist, that what I needed was a psychiatrist, no dipshit, anyway, we found one and I have an appointment next week at 3pm but I'm really debating if I should go, why can't I just die? It's best for everyone, I have no purpose anyway, she looked at me and said "Sarai, this is serious, we need to get this under control" and then she asked if I've slept and I honestly haven't slept in 3 days so I'm bleh, she said she wants to put me on sleeping pills but doesn't trust me enough to do it because I've overdosed on my pills before, it's ok, they were migraine pills, they just made me very sleepy
July 8
Alex ran away, Marcus is looking for him, my head is too loud, I want to cry, I'm a little high on some pill someone gave me, idk what I'm doing I'm scared, I wan to die, I'm at work so can't die yet, my head is loud I want it all to stop, I'm tired I'm so tired I'm sorry I'm really sorry for putting you all through this. I am a waste of space and don't deserve amazing people like you all, I want to see Aaron
