July 11th
1:16am
I can't sleep
4:44am
It's at night when the demons have the most power... I'm alone, in the dark, with my thoughts, all alone, no one here to stop them, they're just running free, my head hurts, my skin stings, but I can't cry, I can't scream, even if I wanted to, I can't do anything but lay here and take it all
10:00am
I'm back to feeling like shit :) my emotions are everywhere and I just messaged my roommate that I have the sudden urge to not be alive again, I hate myself for feeling this way because I know there's lots of people out there that care for me and want me to live, but you guys don't know how hard it is, how painful it is when your head is so loud the outside noise is drowned out by the noise in your head, or the feeling of having absolute no control of your body and you just watch what the others do to your body not being able to do anything about it, I'm fucking useless, fucking pathetic, fucking worthless, because I can't even fight my inner selves or protect myself from their monstrosities, I'm getting tired of fighting, I've fought on my own all these years, and I suddenly have people who actually care about me and it's very overwhelming because I don't know what to do or what to say or how to act and I always end up making them upset somehow, I wouldn't be surprised if they left soon, it's already starting to happen
5:00pm
He's mine, my jeff, bitch don't hurt jeff, need to get rid of her, my jeff, leave jeff lone, don't hurt jeff, protect jeff
11:00pm
Jeff got me mikshake after we drop bitch off at her house
July 12th
2:30am
We was looking for jeffs wallet for work tomorrow and the bitch had it, so we have to drive back :( and I pierced jeffs ears
3:30am
Jeff sleeping with me!!!!
5:45am
T^T time for work
8:56am
I'm dead exhausted
11:30am
Jeff came to my workplace to have lunch with me before my sister-in-law picked him up to take him to the airport for his first day at work... I just realized I'll be alone for the rest of the day...
4:50pm
I want to jump, it's so peaceful I just want to stay here... do you think Aaron misses me? It's raining, there's a lot of bugs, I want to stay here forever, so peaceful
July 13th
5:40am
Head hurt
Too much sleep
Sleep too much
7 hours too much
11:30am
Jeff fell sleep on call, he call me and say good morning because I'm at work and we stay on call and he fell sleep
3:10pm
Where Aaron
We need talk
Aaron need me
Where Aaron
6:30pm
I don't like being alone, my head hurts, pain for a little, pain for silence, pain for peace, I'm crazy, feel dizzy, you need to stop caring, everyone before I destroy you, I'm pathetic, worthless, useless, a pile of problems that are too complicated to fix, can't even go to the appt without the money, I'm $50 short all because I'm an idiot, just stop caring, please just stop
