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Nightmares are hoes.... but I couldn't sleep so I just laid there after I send this...
6:00am I don't want to go to work, I don't want to eat
7:00am My mother made me eat🙃not that I won't throw it up later anyway, what's the point if she wants me to get thinner? I'm trying to but she keeps doing this and it's starting to piss me off
1:18pm I always fuck things up✌️currently crying in my truck on my lunch break✌️I can't even eat my sandwich soooo that'll just have to wait till later 🤷♂️
2:05pm Ok but why did I throw up if there is literally NoThInG to throw up??? God I'm such a fuck up
5:39pm ChOkE mE dAdDy
6:44pm Bunny fell asleep on me in VC again🤣🤣🤣still feeling guilty about what happened earlier, yeah I get it it isn't my fault but I still didn't help at all, I was legit useless during that whole interaction so what is the point of me even trying again??
9:00pm Sensory overload, my ears are hurting and it's making me feel anxious, I'm sitting in between my mom and the guy whom I bought the truck from and they are talking so loud despite being so close to each other, the topics keep moving and I just want to go cry in my bed for tonight because I'm still feeling guilty about earlier, this guilt won't stop, I'll probably keep thinking of this for a while, I'm gonna admit I did try to self-harm earlier because I thought I was punishing myself for what I did, I did overdose on some pills and I'm feeling really sleepy right now but I'm resisting, I can't fall asleep, I'm scared of having a nightmare again, at least when I was talking with Nikki I'd get distracted, I just don't want to feel this, I hate this, I hate everything, I hate him for leaving us like that, I hate my family because of the crap I went through, I have people because they got me to care and I would do anything for them even if it meant destroying myself, I hate lance because he means so much to me and I know what he says is right and my pride doesn't like that... HAHAHA I JUST ADMITTED I BROKE ANOTHER SOBRIETY... sorry for being this way but I'm a stubborn bastard.... anyway fuck this I'm done for the night✌️
