1:35am I've had 5 Mexican Candy shots, 1 Vegas bombshell, and 1 beer, I'm only tipsy but I feel like I'm floating
2:15am Jasmine wanted to know what I was reading on my phone..... let's just say there was some spicy BxB action going on and she returned my phone with a blush on her cheeks
2:45am Made it to jasmines apartment, tomorrow will be another day
12:00pm I'm barely waking up😂anyway, I might lose me truck~ because I haven't paid it and the guy is getting angry, but like I texted him last night to ask if he was home and he never answered so like I wasn't gonna go if he didnt answer because what's the point of going when he's not there?
1:00pm I'm still feeling off... I have my therapist appt at 2pm so I'll let her know
3:20pm Just finished with my therapist and let me say... I love the woman, she was teaching me some new grounding techniques I can do when I am in a manic episode, I also told her that I believed I was in the beginning stages of one so we talked about that, I haven't been on me meds for a few days now again... that could also be it but she doesn't need to know about that
4:20pm 🩸 I want to bang my head on the wall until I bleed, I want to carve my skin until my blood is dripping down my limbs, I want to burn my arms with my cigarettes, I want the pain, I love the pain, I need to feel the pain SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP NO NO PAIN NO PAIN but I love it, I want to bruise, I want to bleed, I want to scream, I want pain
7:34pm My head hurts
9:12pm My brother agreed to getting a matching tattoo with me
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This one to be precise. I'm kind of worried about him, ever since he broke up with jasmine things have been kinda rocky, he turns to alcohol and I think drugs now too... I was gonna look for an apartment but I don't want to leave him alone now
10:23pm I hit my head... my brother left with his children to the movies and I was alone and everyone was around me and I couldn't take it, I want everything to stop, I hate being this way, I hate being mentally ill, I hate being abnormal! It's so hard when everyone sees you with pity and treats you like a goddamn child! I'm naive yes but I'm not an idiot! Stop calling me an idiot! I've heard enough from my family for years I don't need anyone else telling me such degrading words!
11:15pm I'm going to go for a drive, I need to clear my head, everyone is talking too loud and I'm on the verge of a panic attack, the cats sense this because they're all laying on top of me but I'm done, I need out
