static [joshler]

deprivation of each other

TW: mentions of abuse, suicide, and self harm

~~

It was a beautiful day outside. The weather was getting nicer and nicer by the hour. Josh could hear kids running around in the sprinklers and screaming through his open window. His mother made him move his curtains to the side and have some fresh air. She was trying to encourage him to go outside and do something creative. Josh hadn't left his room willingly since the little fight he had with Tyler.

He felt his stomach twist when one of the children giggled out their friends name. He wanted to be eight years old again. That's when he was free and got to have fun. When he had loads of friends to choose from. When he would have sleepovers with his classmates. And when he would hide under the slide at recess when the bell would ring so he got to stay out longer with his childhood friends.

Now he only had Tyler. Everyone in his school must have forgotten about him. No one actually cared about him at the youth group he was forced to go to. He hadn't even been there in months.

At times Josh wished he wasn't online schooled. He was lonely.

But then he got to thinking, was he always lonely? In middle school, sure he had friends, but was he happy? Why did he feels so alone? He has his family. They love him. Then why did he feel like this? Why does he still feel alone? Why can't he focus without Tyler? Did Tyler feel the same way?

When Josh couldn't answer his own questions, anger filled his body. He ran to his window and slammed it shut.

No more friends. No more sleepovers. No more childhood. He was 18 in less than a month and maybe his mom was right, he needed to start acting like it.

The curly brunet found his earbuds and plugged them into his phone. He slid under his hot blanket, turned the volume up on the music, let out a much needed cry, and hid from the world. Even if he was practically out of childhood he needed some kind of escapism.

After his little breakdown he took a deep breath, showered, and then got ready for work. A five hour shift later he was back in his car and driving home tired as hell. It wasn't dark yet but he wanted to fall asleep in the left turn only lane. A honk made him jump back into reality and continue driving. A road work sign gave him a detour a few blocks down and suddenly realization hit Josh. This was the street Tyler lived on.

Josh got to thinking. Should he stop by and see if he's okay? Tyler did say he would tell him why he looked so worn down.

"I'll explain this later." He told him. But how soon is later? Would it be rude to show up to his door a week later? Or does he want him to wait a month? Maybe he meant a day and the deadline was now passed due. Was Tyler still mad at him? All Josh knew was that he felt guilty for making him tell him something he obviously wasn't comfortable talking about.

The Dun slowly drove past the house. He didn't take his eyes off it. He even watched in the rearview mirror until it was out of sight.

Josh sighed as he walked into his own home. He was kicking his shoes off when his dad called his name from the home office.

"Yeah?" Josh asked as he walked in.

William handed a peice of mail to him. "This is addressed to you."

"Oh," He took it. "What is it?"

"Its your mail. I didn't read it."

"Right." Josh read the return address and his heart skipped a beat.

Tyler Robert Joseph.

Josh bolted into a sprint. "Thank you Dad!" He yelled as he ran out of the room.