static [joshler]

death bed

TW: i think the title tells you...

~~

Josh's eyes burned when he blinked them. He had barely slept last night. Tears were built up and threatening to flow out. It had been a rough couple of days.

Tyler was getting worse. The morphine wasn't working as well. Josh knew that the medicine had to be working the same, but it was the pain that had changed.

Josh watched as Tyler lifted his chin and breathed through his mouth deeply. He tried to catch up on the breathlessness he felt. It relieved him for a little until he laid his head back down. He continued to wheeze.

He had been wheezing since yesterday. Josh was worried he was going to stop breathing. He listened to him all night and now all morning.

"Josh..?" His voice croaked out.

He immediately lifted his head. "Yes?"

"I-I-I need..." He swallowed. "Water."

"Okay." He nodded and then reached over to his lover for the water bottle on the table. The bed creaked as Josh helped him in a better position so that he wouldn't choke on the water lying on his back. Tyler touched the bottle softly as he drank. Josh was doing most of the work. If he let go it would have fallen on top of Tyler.

"Anything else?" The cap was screwed on once he was done. "How about some chapstick? Looks like you need it."

The dying teen nodded slowly, glad to be lying flat on his back again and not having to use his strength to hold his body up.

Josh switched the bottle for a stick. He popped open the chapstick and applied it on Tyler's parted, waiting lips. He gave him a little kiss after and he received a weak smile.

"I love you."

There was a moan as a short response.

He didn't blame him for not saying it back. He looked in distress. His whole body was shaking softly.

Josh reluctantly left the room after that and got ready for the day. He washed his hair for the first time in a week, too busy worrying to have done it earlier. He told Debby to keep an eye on Tyler for him.

Josh decided to leave the house and go on a walk. He never went on walks but his dad once told him that it was good to get out for a while. "Stress walks" he called them. Stressed? Take a nice nature walk.

So he walked alone. He ended up going to the forest that he used to play in when he was little. He felt nostalgic thinking of the old memories. He wished he could be innocent again.

As he reached the creek he used to play in with his siblings, he picked up a rock and tossed it into the water. It splashed quietly. He sighed roughly.

He missed Tyler.

Maybe he should go back. No- Tyler's the reason he had to leave. He needed some time alone to process everything. Seeing Tyler doing so poorly was taking a toll on him.

He put his head in his hands. Now he felt guilty. He shouldn't leave his boyfriend at such a vulnerable time. He didn't even tell him he was leaving. What if he needed him?

Josh dug in the dirt with a small stick, contemplating life for a while. Mostly he was stalling from making a decision. It turns out nature was helping with his tension headache but the guilt that twisted in his stomach never went away.

So he slowly left the forest and followed the sidewalk. He quietly entered the house and to his bedroom away from home. He twisted the knob, finding it was cracked open. Jenna and Debby were inside sitting with Tyler.