static [joshler]

grave

The birthday song was being sung by Jenna and Debby. Josh's eyes were locked on the cake in dismay. He would've been singing too if the circumstances were different.

"Happy birthday dear Tyler." They sang, "Happy birthday to you."

Josh closed his eyes and sighed.

"Come on, Josh." Debby encouraged. "Blow out the candles."

"Yeah." Jenna chimed in. "You were his boyfriend."

Josh frowned at the cake filled with 18 birthday candles. It was Tyler's birthday, not his. He didn't even want to do this. He sighed as he watched the wax melt onto the frosting, wishing Tyler was there to blow out the fire.

He was apprehensive, yet, he blew out the candles. The wax was going to get all over the cake. He had to, he told himself, otherwise the cake Jenna made would have been ruined.

The girls cheered, clapping their hands. Josh wasn't cheering. Tears ran down his face as Jenna began to cut the cake. Debby hugged him.

"I know it's hard." She patted his back. "We'll get through this."

"Thank you," Josh responded and she pulled away.

Jenna set a piece of cake in front of him but he was busy staring at the photo of Tyler he sent himself from Tyler's phone. It was when they were at the fair. His lover had wide eyes as he held a little kitten. Despite the shorter boy's obvious weightloss and oxygen tank, Josh could tell that in that moment he was truly happy. Even if he didn't want to hold the kitten at the time.

Josh smiled sadly. How could things be so different in the span of two months? The day at the fair was fun. Now Josh was slowly moving into Tyler's old room.

"Oh, wow, this is good, Jen."

"Never doubt my cooking skills."

"I don't. This is just blowing it out of the park."

Josh grabbed the fork and tried the cake. It was good. It was plain vanilla with blue frosting on top, spelling out Tyler's name.

Josh broke down into tears.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Debby abandoned her plate.

"Tyler would have loved his." He cried. "Jenna, it's amazing."

She chuckled softly, tears in her vision. "Thank you. I hoped he would."

Josh made an unrecognizable sound. He didn't know if he was laughing or crying anymore. "I can't believe I'm crying over a cake."

~

"Are you sure?" Jenna asked the backseat passenger.

"Yeah." He nodded. He needed to do this. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Okay." Debby pulled to a stop on the thin gravel road. "Do you want us to come with you?"

Josh unbuckled, taking his old backpack off the floor. "No. I want to go alone."

"Okay. Just know we are here for you. I know how hard it is for you. I can tell."

"Yeah. Josh, we love you." Debby added.

"Thank you, guys. I love you too."

Josh got out of the car and held the strap of the backpack. He slowly walked into the entrance of the cemetery. Only having been here two other times, at which he was sobbing so much he could barely see, he still somehow knew exactly where Tyler was laid to rest.

Josh felt sick to his stomach once he saw the gravestone and the yellow dying flowers he brought last time. He wondered when he wouldn't feel like this anymore. How long did it take to get over grief? He didn't know. He never lost a loved one before.