Some Say (Jean Kirstein X Reader)

Chapter Thirty

Jean's POV - 3 years prior

We stand outside under a shade. Sasha and Connie are on either side of me. We eye the food in front of us with great suspension.

"What is this? Is this even edible?" I question.

Yelena turns to us, smiling. "Of course it is. Have you guys never had seafood before?" She says. "Nico here is a chef back in Marley. His food is amazing. Please try some."

Sasha and Connie hesitate for a moment as the blond chef mumbles something under his breath. Sasha suddenly grabs the first thing she can get her hands on, biting into it like a rabid animal. Not usual though.

Tears start to run down her eyes as she continues to stuff her face. I pull back at the sight a little.

"This is the best food I've ever had before. I never tasted anything this great." She sobs, still eating.

Connie quickly joins in with her as Yelena, Nico, and I watch the two. Nico looks amazed as the two can't help themselves. Yelena's eyes move over to me.

"Not hungry?" She asks. "I can promise you that it's the best thing you'll ever eat. Nico is an amazing chef."

I straighten up. "I don't doubt that. Sasha doesn't lie about food." I clear my throat. "I just want to ask you something."

Yelena picks up a plate for herself. "Sure, go ahead."

I scratch the back of my neck. "I know this is a bit of a long shot but I was wondering if you knew anything about an Eldian titan shifter that was captured from here?"

Her eyes widen a little. "You're not talking about (y/n), are you?"

Food falls from Sasha and Connie's mouths as they listen in. Both of them look between us.

"You mean she is still alive?" Connie interjects.

My heart is pounding away in my chest. Why did Connie have to ask that question? Do I really want to know the answer? What if it's bad? I can't even start to imagine what life would be like without her if she is dead.

Yelena's face softens a little. "Last time I saw her, she was alive. She was living under Zeke's protection."

Connie, Sasha, and I all share a quick look at each other. Zeke was the reason she was taken away in the first place.

"Will he keep her safe?" I blurt out.

"I hope so. I have put a lot of my trust in Zeke and I believe he won't let any harm come to her."

This doesn't ease my nerves. Why can't we just storm into Marley, grab her and go? I shake the thought from my head, knowing it would never be that easy.

Nico steps forward, wiping his hands on his apron. "I met her not long before I became trapped here. She spoke of a girl named Sasha who would love my food."

Sasha raises her hand. "That's me and she's not wrong. I love this food."

Nico's cheeks flush red a little before he looks at me. "You must be Jean. She spoke very highly of you, saying you were an amazing soldier and that she was going to do anything in her power to get back to you."

A small smile comes to my face. "Sounds like her. Hard-headed and stubborn." I turn away from the group. "I need to get back to Captain Levi. I'm sure he will be glad to hear she is still alive."

"Do you not want any of this food, Jean?" Connie asks.

Keeping my back turned to them, a small tear escapes my eye. "Maybe later," I say as I walk away.

Surely, Levi will come up with a plan to help rescue (y/n) from that hellish place and return her to us. Where she belongs.

Current Day

The rain has not stopped for a moment since we laid Sasha's body to rest. Marco clings to me as I stand under a tree. Mikasa has not said much since we returned and I can't even utter her name without bursting into tears.

I had just gotten back to everyone, back to my family only for her to be killed. I wanted more time with her, I wanted us all to grow old together. She was taken too soon.

Jean keeps his hand on the lower part of my back, dark bags sit under his eyes as he stares out into the rain. Connie leans against me for support as Marco plays with the collar on his jacket.

"You should head back to Levi." Jean croaks. "Before both of you get sick."

I shake my head. "I don't want to leave you two. I need to go and see Erwin's grave as well." The knot grows in my stomach and I feel the lump rise in my stomach.

I've missed so much being away from them all. I didn't get to spend Erwin's last moments with him. He had been unaware that I had been taken away and I was unaware he had died not long after I was taken.

Jean places a kiss on my forehead, brushing my hair aside. Apart of me hates the fact that everyone was there in Erwin's last moments but I couldn't be. That I couldn't say goodbye to the man that saved my life and raised me. That I could never truly thank him for everything he did for me.

Jean carefully pulls Marco from my arms and I let him. The hollow feeling growing in my chest.

"Go, Marco will be fine with me," Jean reassures me.

I nod and step out into the rain, letting the cold seep through my clothing. I walk slowly in the direction of his grave. Tears are already running down my face, merging with the rain.

Whenever I thought about returning home, coming back to everyone, I never imagined that the first thing we would be doing was mourning the dead. Saying goodbye to some of the best people in our lives.

The flowers have died away and a little bit of moss is starting to grow in the cracks on his headstone. My legs give way under me and I fall forward, my hands gripping the grass.

"Erwin, I'm so sorry." I sob into the dirt. "I'm so sorry."

Looking up, I read his name carved into the stone and my heart shatters. My face screws up and ugly tears and sounds leave me. I run my hands through my hair, gripping it as I rock back and forth, trying to console myself.

"Why did you have to go and die?" I scream. "Why did you have to go and do something so stupid?!"

I smash the ground in front of his headstone, letting my grief turn into anger. "Why can't I just have one person I love, live?! Tell me that, Erwin. You were always so good with these things."

My head drops down and I silently continue to sob. A hand lands on my shoulder but I don't move. Just for a moment, one moment, I want to believe that it's Erwin's hand on my shoulder. Showing me the love and kindness that he always did.

Just for one moment, I want to believe that this has all been one big nightmare. That Sasha is already in the dining hall, stuffing her face with Jean's food that he's forgotten about because he is too busy fighting with Eren. All while Marco tries to break them up with that smile plastered on his face. Erwin is sitting in the corner with Levi and Hanji keeping a close eye on us soldiers.

But I know this is all real... that Marco, Erwin, and now Sasha are never coming back.

The hand squeezes my shoulder. "Come on, let's head back. Get you warm."

My puffy eyes meet with Jeans and all I can manage is a small nod. He gently pulls me to my feet and I grip onto his shirt. With the little energy I have left, I look down on Erwin's headstone one more time.

"Thank you for everything, Dad..."