I told my best friend
that I know
I'm privileged
because my
mental ailments are
easily hidden
and tucked deep
in my brain.
But today I'm reminded of them.
Being away from you
makes my skin crawl
and my scalp itchy
my mind tells me
(for the 50th time)
I need to get my nails done
so they won't be sharp.
I eat
and eat
and eat
because I'm bored
but it's just the anxiety
of wondering if
you don't love me.
I know it's not true.
I know it's trauma.
But if I don't have an answer to everything,
I have to find it.
If I don't, then
the bugs come.
Being apart is healthy,
and I must remember that
to be whole
I must also find solace
in my own company.
I must remember that
I am not a half
but a whole
chocolate pecan pie
already so divine.
It's so harrowing
to be in love.
This passionate perfection
is only possible
through vulnerability
communication,
and boundaries.
But I was so used to
licking high fructose corn syrup
off of jagged knives
that I want to binge and gulp down this
sugar in the raw.
I can't binge anymore though.
It's not who I want to be.
But I still feel enchanted
knowing that
two deeply flawed souls
somehow found each other
and are destined to
love.
